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Original poster

Do I ask my dd if she is pregnant and risk upsetting her if she is not?

157 replies

fleshmarketclose · 31/01/2019 08:19

Dd 25 really lovely and I think we have a close and loving relationship. She has a decent job in finance, her own home and a long term relationship with a decent man also in finance who she calls her soulmate. They don't live together dd likes her independence as does he and dd has said they plan to marry before amalgamating homes and finances.
Dd is small about five foot three and a tiny frame and size 6 and always has been. For the past few weeks I have been noticing she has a growing tum but she isn't putting on weight elsewhere and is still wearing her size 6 dresses but with a growing tum. Last night when she came for dinner I noticed her tum is even bigger and her brother text me later having noticed it too. The two of them are very close and I would have expected her to confide in him if she couldn't me and likewise he would expect that she would confide in me.
If she is pregnant it wouldn't be the end of the world, she has a home, a career, a man she loves and who loves her and a family who would support her so there would be no reason to hide it. If she isn't then I think she needs to see a doctor because she doesn't look like she has gained weight elsewhere but pointing out how big her tum is will upset her I think. She likes being slim, she likes that she dresses well, she will be well aware of her growing tum and that's why I think it's strange she hasn't mentioned it because previously she would say "oh I ate too much on holiday and put on a couple of pounds" or "I need to eat better I'm looking scrawny again" (because she loses weight quickly and easily if she gets busy and doesn't eat well)
So what do I do? I don't want her to be upset, I don't want her to think she needs to hide anything and most of all I'm worried if she isn't pregnant about the reason why she has a tum about the same size as Meghan Markle.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/02/2019 07:21

Turn off

RogueV · 01/02/2019 07:34

Just ask her

PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2019 07:34

It’s horrible to be asked if you’re pregnant if you’re not ready to share or you’re not.

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DelphiniumBlue · 01/02/2019 07:43

This is your daughter. She has a bump you describe as being quite big, equivalent to the bump of someone who his 5 months + pregnant , even her brother had noticed and no one has said anything?
EIther she's pregnant and in denial, or she had a serious health issue. You are her mum, it is your job to make sure she gets proper medical attention, whatever the cause.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 01/02/2019 07:46

It’s just a thought by my dsd is tall and a size 10 and, first thing in the morning looks trim but some days, depending on what she has eaten, she does bloat so that she has quite a pronounced rounded belly by the evening. If I didn’t know better, I think I might wonder sometimes.
She enjoys her food and doesn’t experience discomfort with the bloating so doesn’t worry about it. It just happens sometimes.

Rtmhwales · 01/02/2019 07:46

I'm not sure I'd ask. If she's trying to hide a pregnancy, she's not doing much about it. I was still successfully hiding mine at nearly 32 weeks when I went into labour and had my DS because I didn't want anyone at work to know yet. I suspect the fact she isn't trying to hide the bump means there's some other issue at play.

My DB suddenly looked 6 months pregnant when he started drinking a lot of beer and turned out he was coeliac. He went from slim to looking pregnant in the space of less than a month, so maybe that's the issue.

Though trying to bring over a bottle of wine if she drinks (along with some nice cheeses and crackers not to be so obvious) isn't a terrible plan.

Bouledeneige · 01/02/2019 07:52

I'm very close with my daughter. I can't imagine not saying anything. As we are close I also can't imagine not being able to handle the conversation that ensues.

TrixieFranklin · 01/02/2019 07:53

Tricky one OP but either way I hope she's ok.

PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2019 07:54

If you’re close bouled, she would tell you if she wanted to.

79andnotout · 01/02/2019 11:48

I'm NOT close to my mother, but I would still expect her to ask! Bit weird otherwise?

Racecardriver · 01/02/2019 11:58

She is probably waiting for screening results because she doesn’t want to have to talk about it if she miscarries/aborts. Most people do.

BradleyPooper · 01/02/2019 17:11

You should ask. If she's not pregnant, it could be a medical condition....

PeakTransedAgain · 02/02/2019 16:09

Did you see her today?

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:06

If she is pregnant it wouldn't be the end of the world,

This may hold the key as to why she hasn't confided in you.

Member984815 · 03/02/2019 11:28

She's an adult , it sounds like she's not concealing something , she's old enough to look after her own health

Triffictriffid · 03/02/2019 11:57

If you have a close and loving relationship and see each other several times a week I can’t see why you wouldn’t/couldn’t mention this ‘bump’.

If she’s pregnant and trying to conceal it then it sounds as if she’s not tryIng very hard. Wouldn’t she be wearing baggy tops to make any bump less obvious if she wanted to do that?

If she is pregnant can you think of any possible reason she wouldn’t want to tell you? I know everyone is different but you sound like a close mum and daughter and whatever is going on I can’t understand why you’re ignoring it. Unless she has an eating disorder or is very sensitive about her weight perhaps in which case you’d not want to draw attention to it. My DD told me early as she was having problems and said that if she M/C she would want me to know too so didn’t see the point in waiting till scan. What’s the worst that can happen if you ask her?

NoTeaForMe · 03/02/2019 12:42

@fleshmarketclose is there an update? Did you talk to your daughter yesterday?

showmewhatyougot · 03/02/2019 17:54

Oh this is a strange one, hopefully she's ok x

lnfb · 03/02/2019 18:11

Am also curious to see how this panned out x

veeboo · 03/02/2019 18:16

No don't say anything. She will tell you when she feels ready to and if she has another medical condition, if you have spotted it it is really likely she has too. Give it another month or two and see how it plays out. People should not ask women if they are pregnant. It is no-one's business until she decides it is.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/02/2019 18:32

I really hope it is that she’s pregnant, and not a symptom for something awful.

Good luck, OP.

cluecu · 03/02/2019 19:37

I think it would be really weird if you didn't ask, considering there's an obvious bump and she's not trying to hide it. Whether she's pregnant or not, if you're close won't she find it weird you've not commented?

MrsJDornan · 03/02/2019 22:07

I hope your talk went ok Thanks

Goodynuf · 03/02/2019 22:10

Wish I had a mother as considerate to care about what you say....!

thisgirlwantsmore · 03/02/2019 22:23

🤔

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