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My son is very cheeky to Judo Sensei every week, what can I do.

86 replies

StayAtHomeDadEC · 16/01/2019 08:45

My son loves Judo, he does it at home, he remembers the techniques, he never missuses it and he was brave enough to stop a boy bullying another boy in an incident at school, largely because of his judo.

My only quandry is what to do about the fact that he is very cheeky and messes about at training. He is 8 and throughout training he is normally grinning like a Cheshire cat, that in itself is fine and I'm happy that he's so happy. The problem is that when sensei speaks, my son talks over him, adds his own cheeky comments and gives some silly answers. Sensei is a volunteer who does tuition for free and he spends half the lesson dealing with my son and 1 other student. The strange thing is that my son is also able to give the Japanese names for most techniques and to demonstrate them so he is bright enough to do very well. Once he has learned a technique, which he often does quickly, he then mucks about, falls over for no reason making fake fainting noises, rolls around being silly instead of getting up to practice again, he wastes half his training time. The other judo students get annoyed and the better ones try to avoid him at all costs and can be seen sighing when asked to pair with him.

My question is, without threatening to stop taking him, what can I say or do to make him show an interest, show some respect and do his best judo? He is 8 and responds well to reward systems (but this has failed as judo is an hour so he forgets about the reward). He is almost completely unable to listed to a lecture and I have done social stories with him on judo (he's high functioning autistic).

OP posts:
StayAtHomeDadEC · 16/01/2019 08:55

I meant he is unable to listen to a lecture :-) He runs away and talks over me. I try not to use them...

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Bloomcounty · 16/01/2019 09:01

Do you know what the teacher feels about his behaviour?
Ask, if you don't.
Do you know what the other parents, whose children's paid class is disrupted by your son, feel about it?
Why don't you ask them?

I suspect they're pretty cheesed off and wish you'd take your son out of class.

Seems to me that you have two choices. Remove him yourself, or wait till he's spoiled it for enough kids to be kicked out by the teacher.

Its not all about him, and its probably time he learned that.

Frosty66611 · 16/01/2019 09:02

If he’s disrupting the class for all the other students and won’t be told to stop it then I think you have to take him out of it as it’s not fair on the other kids. Is there an option for him to have one to one tutition as he might behave more if there aren’t other kids around.
It must be very difficult if he loves the class and would be devastated to have to leave it. Could you tell him that if he misbehaves one more time during it then he’ll be removed permanently from the class?

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ATowelAndAPotato · 16/01/2019 09:04

I think you need to talk to the sensei and explain the situation. Find out how he feels about it, and whether it’s negatively impacting the rest of the group.
Perhaps your son would benefit more from 121 lessons?

SuchAToDo · 16/01/2019 09:07

If he can't behave, stop him going until he can learn to behave, he needs to learn that behaviour has consequences, and that he can't just behave how he wants and be cheeky to the teacher , it's disruptive for the others and why should they and the teacher have to put up with it...he probably thinks it makes him look big or cool, but oftentimes when you get a child behaving like that people think they come from a troubled home or parents don't care enough to learn them some discipline...so explain to him his behaviour is reflecting badly on him and you too

Bloomcounty · 16/01/2019 09:07

Re reading your post, it appears that you stay for the class.

New rule - the moment he starts misbehaving, you remove him.
He continues to misbehave, you stop taking him.
It does sound like he'd benefit from the self discipline that a martial art teaches, but he doesn't sound willing to learn. Maybe he needs to grow up a bit more first, learn how to keep himself calm and in control. I wonder if there's a more suitable activity for him, for the moment?

DelphiniumBlue · 16/01/2019 09:08

Is he attending judo because you want him to, or because he wants to?
If the latter, the consequence of rudeness is surely that he gets taken home?

fingerlickingud · 16/01/2019 09:10

Aren't Marshall arts supposed to teach respect?

I do t know the answer as I do t know why your son thinks this is OK, but I can tell you what worked with my younger child recently (6) at tennis.

The teacher came over at the end of a lesson to tell me that DS had been messing about / not listening / generally disruptive. (I know other kids were messing about too as a parent had been there and told me about it - I wasn't there because this is an after school club with external teachers). DS saw me talking to the coach - and then I pulled him over and asked him about his behaviour and made him apologise to the coach there and then. I also told him afterwards the coach had said he can't carry on going if he does that again. It was half term or a one week suspension from club was talked about.

My point is that maybe he doesn't think there will be any consequences. Maybe if you "engineer" a similar scenario where the sensei has words with you at the end of training & your DS is made to apologise it will dawn on him this is not acceptable & he may be asked to leave the club if he can't behave.

Just an idea!

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 16/01/2019 09:10

My question is, without threatening to stop taking him
But why can’t you threaten that? I understand it’s hard but behaviour has consequences. He misbehaves, he gets removed from class. It’s not fair on the teacher or his class mates.

Frosty66611 · 16/01/2019 09:12

There was a boy like this in my primary school class and he was always disrupting the fun lessons we would do like cooking, PE, drama etc by being silly and rude to the teachers. We would try and be patient and kind as he had autism but it started to really piss us all off after the 100th time of it happening and all the rest of us missing out on learning properly. The teacher always looked demented with stress trying to keep him under control whilst not neglecting the other 23 kids in the room.

Productrecall · 16/01/2019 09:12

Why wouldn't you threaten to stop taking him? It sounds as if this may be the only sanction he would pay any attention to, and the reward system has failed. Maybe missing a few lessons will have enough impact to enable him to behave respectfully for an hour. It's not that long really. Sounds like he's after the attention, with the rolling around on the floor thing. It must be very frustrating for the rest of the class, having to put up with that each week.

StayAtHomeDadEC · 16/01/2019 09:13

Thanks Bloomcounty. Yes I have spoken with sensei and emailed him. He undertsnads and he knows about my son's autism and the fact that he normally gets support socialising at school. He is very kind really but I have decided myself that my son is using up too much of sensei's time and patience.

Frosty66611, yes I can see that and I have stopped things in the past due to his behaviour but in my judgement, my son is not ruining the lesson, he is cutting his own practice time in half because he works hard for half of the time, mucks about a bit and is told off, 2-3 times in a lesson. I would like to cut out his behaviour that earns him a telling off and then the mucking about will stop too. I am also a youth club leader and I have seen children who I would have excluded if it was down to me and my son isn't close to that level but he is trying people's patience. That's my judgement although I do see your point.

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Butterymuffin · 16/01/2019 09:15

What Bloom said. Every time he rolls around or whatever, take him out.

LiveCCTV · 16/01/2019 09:16

Could he do half the lesson and then leave? Perhaps he just can’t sustain concentration for the full time? Or can you stand with him so that you can keep him in check, remind him of how he needs to behave?

fingerlickingud · 16/01/2019 09:16

OK - I missed the high functioning autism part so I do t know if my previous comment would work as I have no experience of autism. If he stopped a bully he obviously understands what is acceptable behaviour quite well, so I am sure there must be a way you can get through to him using reasoning that is logical to him? Other than that you and the coach need to sort out a strategy which means he is taken out for time outs when he is impacting the class, since you are there you could implement this? Yellow card / Red card system?!?

Petitprince · 16/01/2019 09:17

Could you pay for a one on one lesson? Maybe just half an hour?

woolduvet · 16/01/2019 09:17

As part of it is to inspire a good attitude and some discipline I wouldn't be happy.
Yes to pull him out for five min and the first sign of any negative behaviours.
But balance that with positivity, he gets a star chart, three stars for a perfect session, two if you pulled him out etc. Is there a judo thing he's been wanting

Bloomcounty · 16/01/2019 09:17

I don't have personal experience with autism, but I've heard of the magic that happens with horses. Would that be worth a go, a riding lesson? He would need to find calm to work with the horses, but I expect they might make him calmer naturally. Does he like animals?

DamnCommandments · 16/01/2019 09:18

If you're there watching anyway, can you ask the sensei if you can step in when he messes about? For example, when he mucks about, he comes to sit with you for five minutes and goes back to join in once he's calm. Would that work?

StayAtHomeDadEC · 16/01/2019 09:19

Productrecall, I can see a trend here, maybe my reluctance to remove him comes from the fact that he has been bullied at school due to his autistic behaviour and come home with bruises on his face, ripped clothes and tales of how other children are gang up against him. With judo behind him, he stands his ground and even takes on people who might bully another child. Nobody has bullied him since he started Judo, he is reasonably good at it when he wants to be.

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HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 16/01/2019 09:23

I think a 1-1 lesson would be best. He cannot concentrate for the whole lesson and consequently the other children are not getting the most out of their experience.

If he can learn things quickly then a 30 minute lesson would probably work well as its enough time to learn new techniques but not long enough for him to start messing about.

Bloomcounty · 16/01/2019 09:23

He sounds overstimulated, to me. He obviously has gained a lot from it, so I do understand your reluctance to stop classes.

When is the class? After school or at weekend? Tiredness and hunger could be a factor as well.

Maybe an hour is just too long for him right now.

TopicalUseOnly · 16/01/2019 09:24

Yes, take him out of the class for 5 mins every time he mucks about. If he does it too much, threaten not to take him next week (and go through with it).

He knows his behaviour is wrong. He just doesn't think there will be any consequences for it.

I feel so sorry for the teacher and the other kids in this scenario.

XmasPostmanBos · 16/01/2019 09:24

Are you able to stay and supervise and intervene as needed. I think that is the easiest answer if you can. Sensei should allow this even if parents arent usually allowed to stay or get involved due to your ds's autism. Also set some simple rules that you can reward during the lesson such as listening to sensei when he talks without any interruption, no messing about once you have mastered the moves (instead he could come and demonstrate it to you and get a reward).

StayAtHomeDadEC · 16/01/2019 09:27

Wow, lots of replies here, thanks folks...

DamnCommandments: Sensei sends my son off the mat once every 5 lesson or so, he invites him back on after he has missed part of the lesson.

Petitprince: Sensei doesn't offer private tuition :-(

Lots of people saying stop going or take him out after bad behaviour. Some saying reason with him...

I think I'm going to do another social story (reason with him) with the threat that we miss a lesson if he can't be helpful. I might even tell him, I am watching and marking down his good and bad behaviour scores and depending on the result, we do / do not go next week.

I don't want to interfere with sensei's discipline and step in during a lesson. Sensei has more experience with children than I do and he deals with them very well...

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