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Original poster

Found DHs online porn stash - WWYD?

88 replies

FairfaxAikman · 15/01/2019 09:54

Turns out DH has an enormous online porn bookmarks list. AIBU to be hurt?

We had DS nine months ago and haven't had much sex as I'm either knackered or it hurts me (emergency section with some complications) and I can't face it again for ages after.

OP posts:
AgathaMisty · 15/01/2019 09:58

It wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't feel the need to do anything.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/01/2019 09:59

We can't tell you that. All you'll get is a pile of opinions from people who aren't you.

Have you talked to him about porn in the past? Do you have an issue with it, and if so, does he know about it?

On the face of it, taking away any personal feelings about porn, it's not unreasonable to be hurt but it's not logical either. He's very likely to be using porn to take care of the urge whilst you're not ready to be having sex, and you should be under no pressure to do so.

Original poster
FairfaxAikman · 15/01/2019 10:27

I think what bothers me most is there's a link to a live sex show. That bothers me more than the pre recorded stuff as it's more "real" IYSWIM

OP posts:
Realitea · 15/01/2019 10:33

My dh is very open with his ‘stash’! I think 99% of men probably have one. It isn’t real life, it’s an escape. The problems only start if they prefer porn to you.
As you’ve had a baby fairly recently your confidence can take a plummet and if you’re not having sex regularly it’s a given that you feel second best to the stash.
Ask him how he feels your sex life is at the moment and work together on how you could improve it. The biggest turn on for me is having dh help me round the house and with the dc’s so that I actually have some energy left past 9pm!

Miffymeow · 15/01/2019 10:35

For me personally, pre-recorded doesn't bother me but live would really bother me. I told my partner this when we got together and he was surprised but ok with that. It might be worth just having a discussion with him on what you feel is acceptable and what isn't. I don't mind mine watching things (it gives me a nice break) as long as isn't live and as long as there is no interaction with anyone.

He is likely using it as an outlet for his urge to allow you to recover rather than looking elsewhere or asking you to do things before you are ready.

Annasgirl · 15/01/2019 10:41

Oh My God, am I the only woman in the world who has a problem with porn????????

If this was my DH, there would be a serious question mark over us. Porn is degrading to women, encourages violent sexual fantasies and misogyny.

Do you also watch porn or is it just your partners who need it?

Fashionista101 · 15/01/2019 10:45

@Annasgirl I love a bit of porn as does DH 🤪

CookPassBabtridge · 15/01/2019 10:47

Well if you aren't having sex then he is taking care of himself, which is a good thing surely as he isn't pressuring you?

U2HasTheEdge · 15/01/2019 10:53

Porn would be a deal breaker in my marriage.

YANBU to be hurt, but only you can decide how important the porn issue is in your marriage.

You are going to get people saying all men do it, it's fine and normal and no women are hurt in the making of porn. And you will get people like me who think porn is awful. Ultimately, it is your opinion that matters. I personally don't want to be married to a man who can't see the problem with porn and finds it acceptable.

U2HasTheEdge · 15/01/2019 10:54

Well if you aren't having sex then he is taking care of himself

Well, you can 'take care of yourself' without viewing porn. Plenty of people manage it.

OrchidInTheSun · 15/01/2019 10:59

No, 99% of men do not have a porn stash realitea and your husband isn't 'helping you' around the house - he's doing his fair share as an adult member of his household.

And it's not a choice of porn or 'going elsewhere' either. Hmm

OP - have you talked to him about porn? Does he know how you feel about it?

ShowOfHands · 15/01/2019 11:07

99%?! Give over.

It is a dealbreaker here too. It is not a kindness to not pressure your exhausted wife into sex. It's absolutely the fucking minimum norm expected in consensual relationships. Porn might be an acceptable part of a marriage but I'm not about to dichotomise it as good man wanks over other woman so that he's not pestering his equal partner for sex.

Bombardier25966 · 15/01/2019 11:11

The live shows are usually awful. They're not at all intimate, if that's what might concern you.

If you're not sexually active at the moment then I don't see any problem with him having an alternative means of getting off. You should not be pressured into having sex, and he should not be pressured into not using porn. Even as a couple you still have free will.

NameChangeNugget · 15/01/2019 11:11

No, 99% of men do not have a porn stash

That you know about maybe??? Confused

SlowlyShrinking · 15/01/2019 11:16

I always wonder about people who can’t have a wank without watching porn. Do you not have very good imaginations/memories or something? 🤔

ByeGermsByeWorries · 15/01/2019 11:25

Would be a dealbreaker here as well. As unpopular as my opinion is I can't get my head around why people want to watch other people having sex, I find it weird. It's down to individual couples choices of what they want to do though, that's only my own opinion.

YADNBU to be hurt.

purplelass · 15/01/2019 11:29

It depends what your 'rules' are really - if you've agreed between yourselves that neither of you would ever watch porn then this is obviously a rule breaker and needs to be talked about.

Personally I don't give a monkeys if my DP watches porn as long as it's not illegal stuff, but that's just me.

U2HasTheEdge · 15/01/2019 11:32

It is not a kindness to not pressure your exhausted wife into sex. It's absolutely the fucking minimum norm expected in consensual relationships. Porn might be an acceptable part of a marriage but I'm not about to dichotomise it as good man wanks over other woman so that he's not pestering his equal partner for sex.

These threads sadly bring out what low standards some women have of men.

southnownorth · 15/01/2019 11:34

It's a very individual thing , if you are not happy with it then discuss it with him.

I can understand why you are hurt OP.

icannotremember · 15/01/2019 11:35

Depends on the content for me. I'm not opposed to porn per se.

U2HasTheEdge · 15/01/2019 11:36

I always wonder about people who can’t have a wank without watching porn. Do you not have very good imaginations/memories or something?

Yet, many women seem to manage it.

Oh wait! men are more visual creatures apparently.

That you know about maybe???

You really think 99% of men use porn? And even if they did, it doesn't mean it's right.

Itstimetoscream · 15/01/2019 11:41

I use porn to masturbate and I'm sure my partner watches it occasionally too. We even watch it together sometimes. Have no issue at all with it.

sarahjconnor · 15/01/2019 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cakequeenn · 15/01/2019 11:46

I wish my oh would watch it so I wouldn't get pestered 196 times a day 😂

icannotremember · 15/01/2019 11:47

We both have an imagination you see, that magical thing humans replied on for millennia before cameras were invented.

They have found erotic art dating back 28,000 years.

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