What would you say is 'too young' to have children?

[erja]

Just a curious question. I always see threads about what's too old, what about too young (if you think there is a too young)? I see some people saying 23/24 is 'too young'.

Hear*

Re owning a home. Personal preference for me.

I live in yorkshire so cheap housing. Would have made no sense to rent.

I would probably think differently if i lived in london or the SE.

I felt too young at 30! If I had my time again I would have waited a few years.

I like in Lancashire so also cheap but we’ve bought a home. But when I was 20 and pregnant we rented.

I suppose I’m more in the boat that having a child doesn’t necessarily mean you have something weighing you down. More that you have something pushing you forward!

Depends on the person.

I'm 34 now, almost 35, single and childless - it breaks my heart everyday. I really regret not making a strong effort towards having children at around 24 or 25. I think it would have been the perfect age, looking back. Lots of energy and I'd have lots of freedom in my 40s as well as the knowledge that I was settled and sorted. I'm middle class, privately educacted and I was raised to believe that you shouldn't even consider settling down prior to 30. A child before the age of 28 would have raised a lot of eyebrows and I daresay, would have been seen as a failure.

It's a ridiculous attitude. Lots of my friends were wonderful parents in their mid-20s and are loving their 30s. I know two girls who became pregnant during GCSE's who were also wonderful parents and who went on to settle and marry/have more children in their mid to late 20s. There's nothing wrong with it.

I've got an academic career, I'm ridiculously qualified and I've got bugger all else except a very lonely life. I wish I'd put marriage and family first in my 20s. You can travel the world and move up in your career at any age.

I was 19 when I fell pregnant with my first, had my second at 22. Now I personally think that was too young. I was just finishing college, still lived at home, didn’t drive, didn’t go to uni or have a clue what career I wanted and it was an abusive relationship.
I think mid-20s upwards is a good age to start a family, you have a bit of adult life experience then and hopefully a degree/career

I've found this thread really interesting. I'm 24, settled with longterm DP and in a professional career that really wouldn't be hard to progress in while raising children...so I'm hoping to start trying sometime in the next two years. It's a lot earlier than any of my friends though and I feel almost silly for thinking about it this early. This thread has affirmed that it's not wrong to have children before the age of thirty which is essentially the mindset I was raised to have.

I forgot to say
When I had my son in 2016 I was on the maternity ward one night(complex pregnancy)
And it was medicine round.
I was 23 and the oldest mother on the ward I was so so so so so shocked
The youngest was born in 2001 when they gave the meds I just was in shock

I had 4 by the time I was 27 .

I had my oldest at 19-I tell her regularly to wait until mid twenties to start a family. I don’t regret having her but 19 year olds should be out having fun with their friends.

Having said that I carried on seeing as I’d already started and I’m now 33-my youngest is 6 and I can already start to see the upsides of having children early.

I was 23 when I had ds, and in culinary school training to be a chef while I was pregnant (that was fun )

I met dp when I was 16 though. He's four years older than me and was a graduate with a stable reasonably well paying job in his chosen field with plenty of prospects for promotion, and a mortgage when I fell pregnant. I was a mature student with a job lined up for me when I finished my exams.

Perhaps if I hadn't met him until I was 20 or so 23 would have been too young but for me it's perfect. He wasn't planned at all but I don't feel like I've missed out.

I just had my wild days a bit earlier than most.

@ShadyLady53 if you don't mind me saying so, you sound lovely and incredibly smart - I'm really sorry that you feel lonely!Absolutely you have not wasted a thing, you have an education and a career - definitely something to be proud of! And only 34!Far far better than rushing into marriage with a wanker like I did My kids are my pride and joy, but only really beginning to get a handle on the grown up life now at 31

I personally didn't feel like I'm being taken seriously as someone suffering losses when ttc with recurrent miscarriages as I was only 23/24. I've been with my partner since I was 20, but known him and his family for 15 years. I know I am not too young to be a mother, nor someone too young to be ttc (although we have now stopped until we are married next year).

For the average person who had nice, normal, sheltered upbringing, wants to go to university, and then save money and "live" a little before settling down, 30 is probably the youngest for them (it certainly was for my mum!). Whereas I've done plenty of travelling including solo, did a lifetimes worth of 'living' in my teens have not been to a club since I turned 20, worked almost full time for 6 years, lived in 4 countries as an adult, saved a deposit for a house and am so ready to settle down at 24.

One of the best mum’s I know was 19 when she had her first and 21 when she had her second. Married at 22. However 10 years later she’s discovered the joys of clubbing. Obviously you can still go out when you have DC but it’s not the same as the nights out/holidays with your mates that you can have when you’re child free. I did all that in my late teens/early twenties and have no interest in it now. So my point is, whilst she’s a fantastic mum I think she regrets not enjoying her own youth.

Under 25 generally but there are always exceptions and some 20 yo are more mature than some 30yo.
Like everythungbit depends on the individual. Under 20 is really young though.

Amongst the people I know/have been friends with, people seemed to have children in two waves - those from school who had babies before the age of 20 (several before 16/17) and then those I knew from uni/work who started having kids in their early - mid 30s (often having their last in their early 40s, sometimes later). I was unusual amongst them when I had DS at 29, but I was in a long term relationship, decent job, house, car so it wasn't a huge struggle.

I will say that those who had kids very young all seem to have produced children who are now adults, have done very well for themselves and most are at uni/have started decent careers. I don't doubt that it was much, much harder for those parents though. Most ended up being single parents, little family support, skint so have brought their own kids up never to end up in that situation if they can help it.

I had mine at 23 and 24 and I did not feel too young.

Namechanged.

16 when DS was born. 20 when DD was born.

I think teenagers and under 25s are too young, mainly as PPs said, they need time to mature, get an education, get a serious relationship and proper job to support the child.

I think this varies massively by area. Where I live it's usual for first time mums to be very early 20's. I felt quite old at 27.

Now at the stage of collecting a GC from school on occasion it has actually surprised me that the majority of parents seem to be in their late 30’s or early 40’s so I guess they had children in their 30’s. When mine were small all the parents at the school pick up would have been in their 30’s having had their children in their 20’s. It’s certainly changed in 25 years.
As for what age is too young anything younger than 20 seems a bit too young emotionally although physically I think 16- 21 is probably thought as prime age

I had my first at 18 and my last at 34 ,i have 5 children its nice having them younger & older. I would say under 18 is too young esp if your still at school.

I had my DD at 21 and my son at 25. When i had my first I was young, but I think too young is under 18.

although physically I think 16- 21 is probably thought as prime age

No, this is not correct, teenage pregnancies have several increased risks associated with them, including an increased risk of the baby being premature and increased complications during pregnancy. So biologically you should wait until you are in your 20s or later. Emotionally and financially it is probably better later.

However there is a cultural aspect as well. My Mum said all her friends were engaged at graduation and were married and pregnant not long afterwards. Mum had me at 24 and was the last of her friends to have a baby (GF insisted she complete her professional training before marriage, very sensible advice). As a generation the babyboomer had children very early. On the other hand my grandparents got married in their 30s (GF was not allowed by his employer to get married until he was on a high enough salary) and so had children in their 30s and this was very common in the Victorian period as well.

We are now in a world where when you have your children is very much determined by class. I have more friends who were pregnant in their 40s than 20s, other people will only know more GPs than parents of young children in their 40s.

I had mine at 24 and 28. I was definitely one of the youngest mums in my area at baby groups, most were mid 30's.

I wouldn't change having mine when i did but I do see the benefits of waiting maybe till early 30's to buy a house etc before.