What would you say is 'too young' to have children?

[erja]

Just a curious question. I always see threads about what's too old, what about too young (if you think there is a too young)? I see some people saying 23/24 is 'too young'.

15. I don't like age 16+ but 15 is over my threshold, definitely undesirably too young.

Do all mother's need to go to uni before they reproduce?
No but the OP was asking for personal views and experiences, no?
Amongst friends, friends of friends, work colleagues etc at 30 I was definitely younger than most.

I had dd1 at 20. That was too young really, but she was mine and we coped. We had a huge amount of family support, even living with my parents for the first 2 years, which was great because her father buggered off as soon as I found out I was pg. She's 19 now and has turned out to be a very sensible and independent young woman, enjoying uni and obviously being much more sensible than I was at that age.

I had dd2 at 30. That was a much better age. I had a good job, a partner, and a house. We were in a much better position to have a child than I had been with dd1.

15 is too young to have children.

Definitely an individual thing. Twenties would have been too young for me, not so much because of an arbitrary age thing but because I hadn't achieved all the things I wanted to before having a child: good career, big house, financial stability and ability to take as long as I want off when baby is here, and, crucially, the right partner. The kind of man I dated in my early 20s is not the kind of man I would ever choose now, and I'm so glad I waited and found the right person.

But that's just my own circumstances. I think it depends a lot on your family and social circle too. My mum was 32 when she had me, I don't have any close friends who had children in their early 20s, etc. so 30s for me has always been the 'norm'.

Having had babies relatively old (32 for first) I could definitely see the advantages in having them sooner. I'm naturally super cautious so wanted to be well established in a career. It kind of depends on your aspirations, tastes and financial situation too. If your idea of a good evening is curling up with a book your lifestyle is going to be much less affected by having kids than if you like to be out partying 6 nights a week.

I think it really depends on the individuals and their situation (finance, job, family support network etc) however in general I think over 20..... but I know some young mum's that are just born to be a mum and great at it!

Mid to late twenties is the ideal time to start IMO, and be all done by early thirties. But I only ever wanted 2.

In my world- Under 25.

I'd say under 18 to ensure your body has finished developing, ideally more like 20.

Some are more ready as teens than others are in their 30s!

I was married and owned a home when I had my first DC aged 25 (he’s now 3 so it wasn’t long ago). I didn’t feel too young in myself at all, we’d been married 3 years and had really gone for it in those years, had a whale of a time, and so on. BUT I was the youngest by far at all the baby groups and all the other mums seemed to not bother with me at all which was tough. I had my second at 27 and still was one of the youngest! I did NCT second time around and all the other members were late 30s/early 40s (all baby 2 or 3 but first babies were toddlers still).

Definitely under 16 is too young! I agree it’s more about circumstances and maturity than one age fits all - but given some parts of one’s brain aren’t fully developed until 25* I think it’s better for some people to wait till after they are 25. I’m definitely glad I waited.

• Is 25 the new cut-off point for adulthood?

Well I had my first, unplanned, at 27 and that felt too young to me. None of my peers had babies until their thirties. It’s okay now but I still feel wrong-footed and as though I’m playing catch up. If I’d started 5 years later, I’d have been better established career-wise and financially more ahead. And I could have shared early motherhood with my old school and uni friends. Instead, I’m the path finder with the teenager (and 10 and 6 year old) at 40 and my old pre-children friends all ask me for advice with the bits of baby/childhood I’ve already experienced.

Do you mean biologically better for mother and child or what society tells us?

I certainly don’t think any age in 20’s is too young.

I’m sure I read somewhere that 25 is best as the mother is at her most fertile and lesser chance of miscarriage or genetic problems such as DS.

Getting on for 32 and beyond and aren’t you reducing your chances of pregnancy significantly? Read so many stories of infertility too. Where’s that come from? Fairly few couples years ago who didn’t have kids.

Think we’re kidding ourselves if we think it’s best to wait until got career, 2 cars, holidays under belt TBH. I’m someone who gave birth at 35. If my DD waits til my age to have kids I’ll be 70 and possibly too dithery to babysit. Not a good way for society to go IMO.

I am the first generation in my (large) family to have children as old as I did - late 20s and early 30s.

I have a career, and was young from the point of view of my peers, but felt time ticking on, and was especially conscious of this given my background. It was a real balance between career and desire for children, and most in my career will get to the level above where I was before starting a family. I went back FT and have progressed, and am very happy with the decisions I made around when to become a mother.

Point being though, although for women building a career it can be seen as very impeding to have children ‘early’, for those who are not, it can be a very legitimate choice to have children young. I can’t think what else my unqualified young mum would have done, and she gained her pleasure and fulfilment from having children. Had she started later, she’d have had children at home until quite late on in her life, whereas we were all basically gone by the time she was late 40s, and she is in a better position now and able to experience things that weren’t open to her when she was younger. There was never much money so she wouldn’t have been off holidaying or living it up being a lady who lunched!had she been child free in her 20s. I think as long as you’re in a family unit where someone is earning, and it’s what you want, then any age from say 22 is fine.

It depends on life experiences and what you want to achieve off your bucket list.

E g. An 18 year old turning 19 with a good job as part of a good training scheme has a baby with their partner who is also working (live together and are equals in the relationship) is probably going to do better than a 22 year old who's been to uni, hasn't got a job yet, hasn't considered their career, is still living with mam and dad. They'll be seeing their boyfriend (who lives at home and games for 9 hours a day) and both enjoying extended adolescence.

But a just turned 18 year old who has no aspiration, decides their aim in life is to be a mam, been with their boyfriend 5 months and decides it's for life so will have a baby. Boyfriend doesn't work or does odd jobs here and there, neither have an ounce of drive, well they're probably far too young.

I'm of the view you should be confidently standing on your own two feet and in a stable relationship before having children. For some that may be 18/19, for others that might be 28.

Of course it depends hugely on personal circumstances but I think early 20’s is too young.

I was 22, 25 & 36 when my DCs were born. I’m very aware that I am/have been a calmer, more settled, more responsible & certainly more financially stable parent for DC3’s younger years.

For me, I shouldn’t have started so young. I wouldn’t change my children for the world but I wasn’t able to be the parent I wanted to be in my early & mid 20’s.

I had my first at 26 and I was ready, I started getting broody at 25ish. DH and I met when we were 17 though so I wonder if that makes a difference?

Is it the “done thing” for us to go to university then have a baby?

Graduated when DC1 was 4 weeks old...

The trouble is emotionally too young or financially too young is very different to biologically too young or the right age
As in when you might be fully set up you'll be biologically not in the best condition to get pregnant

I was 23, almost 24 when I had my first. I am 26 and pregnant with our second baby now who will come just before I'm 27.

I am married and was when I was 21. Own home. Own business. Own cars. Have a degree
But- my peers from my fairly privileged up bringing in another country haven't had kids yet. So I felt isolated.

My peers here in this place have had children but there are less career prospects, also people here move out earlier because rent isn't as bad as where I grew up.

I don't think there's any right answer. I'm going to say 24 -26 best age to have a kid but need to have a stable relationship because it is an isolating experience at times

Xxx

It definitely depends on your maturity and outlook, also if that feeling of being a mum just clicks.
A friend was 21 when she had her first, and I was 31 at the time having mine. She was far more assured than I was! Mind you she had studied childcare from leaving school and kids were her vocation, whether looking after her own or other people’s. That is not me! When I was 21 having a baby was a nightmare scenario, not something I actively wanted and knew I’d be good at.

Saying that I’m so glad I had my years of being selfish-in-a-good-way and I’d say I’m more financially secure/resilient as I have more years of work behind me.
It’s all about outlook once the kids grow up too, I know once my friends children have grown she’ll be able to focus on her own career and leisure, and still only be about 40 ish.

I love to see younger families that are doing well. By younger I mean 20somethings.
It just looks very natural and lovely. It's a wonderful thing to be a 'young mum' and still be intouch with childish traits, allows extra bonding between parent and child.

Around here it's standard that first time mums are about 40. Rarely see a young family.

Personally, late 20s onwards is best. Only because all the women I know who had babies earlier than that have struggled to maintain their relationships with the father, and have sacrificed their own career development and wish they hadn't. They are excellent mothers, every one, but have missed out a bit personally, according to them.

I had my 3 by 30. I am still surprised I am often around 10 or more years younger than a lot of mums I know now I’ve moved to London. I went to uni, had a good career and a mortgage. I can’t say I felt too young in myself. Others I know who’ve waited tens to have the bigger houses in similar jobs, as they waited another 10 yrs. I though have energy to be very active. I join in scout camps fully with the boys, bike ride miles with them and can keep up on things like high ropes and have a laugh.