If nursery rhymes were on mumsnet...

[scrappydappydoo]

My 3 monkeys were jumping on the bed one fell off and bumped his head. I phoned 111 but all the doctor said was no more monkeys jumping in the bed. AIBU to want medical advice and not for him to interfere with my parenting?

Brexit Brexit will it ever end
Our country's broken, can we ever mend?
Some say "We voted Leave" (stubborn as a goat)
Others say "You're far too old - you shouldn't get a vote"

Miss Polly was a wally who was thick, thick, thick

I mean, who calls a doctor to come out on a home visit of all things for a sick DOLL? Doesn't she realise just how overstretched the NHS is? I hope she gets charged for wasting NHS resources and the GP's time.

SirGawain I think we have the same neighbour (Polly)

Is my sheep a CF?
Bags up it’s wool for DH, the bloody neighbours, the odd older lady down the road and some child needing it for her textiles Btec course who lives down the lane, but never thinks to offer any to me... I’m in need of a new jumper to keep me warm whilst I’m out tending to every whim of said CF sheep. Feeling left out of the clique....
maybe these young ‘uns have it right and a rainbow sheep is the way to go.
Can anyone advise??

@ChubRubTheStruggleIsReal I'm not sure about rainbow sheep but I have been told to be aware that pink sheep sometimes have spots.

My neighbour had one and she said it had lots and lots, even on its fingers and its toes, which surprised me as I didn't even know sheep had digits, so I guess that's my ignorance.

It definitely had spots on its little pink nose, so just be aware, without wanting to be sheep-racist, that pink sheep might give you more trouble in the long run.

Hold are you sure that pink sheep isn't really a shiny Mareep? (DH is definitely VVVU playing all this Pokemon).

Does anyone have any idea what I can make with half a pound of tuppenny rice and half a pound of treacle?

WIBU to burn my tuffet down?! I was just sitting on it having a little dairy-based snack when a HUGE spider appeared out of nowhere....

MrsMoasty

there's a great Nigella recipe for stuffed weasel using rice and treacle just be careful you don't stuff it too much, popped treacle is a nightmare to clean off the ceiling.......

My son John can’t be bothered to get undressed properly and I’m constantly looking for his other shoe. Is it unreasonable to make him wear pyjamas?

My next door neighbour keeps playing upon a ladle. It's very odd, and very loud. Should I log it with 101?

MrsMoastyToasty I've seen you, in and out 'The Eagle'. If you didn't drink so much you would have plenty of money for wholesome food like pig's trotters or liver.

My dd Polly has a nice new frock. I turned my back for a second and she was sitting right on the hearth to warm her feet...her new dress is wrecked. Was I BU to whip her for ruining it?

Any Scottish MNetters on here?
Do you know how much money I need to get my wee Jeanie some Coulter's candy?

AIBU to call the SS. My neighbour Mrs. Flinders has a beautiful little girl called Polly... yesterday I heard Polly screaming blue murder and Mrs. Flinders bellowing "that'll teach you to sit in the fire ruining your brand new clothes". I'm really worried for little Polly to be honest

MrsMoastyToasty I think most people combine it to make pop for a weasel

AIBU to think my pussy cat is worse than useless and a social snob? The whole house is swarming with mice yet instead of loyally staying here and sorting then out he's pissed off to London to see the Queen....

There's a boy in my town called Willie Winkie. He's a wee little thing. Anyway, he's clearly vulnerable and keeps running through the town in his nightclothes. AIBU in reporting his parents to SS? I'm concerned some harm will come to him as he's quite pretentious and likes to look through windows and pry through locks to check other children are in bed.

And also my DH is complaining that there's a bloody hole in his bucket. I've suggested he fix it and he's clearly acting clueless in the hope that I'll do it for him. AIBU to ltb?!

DH is a bus-driver and he's not given any breaks, he's expected to keep driving, all day long. There's always babies on the bus too, constantly crying - their mums are shushing them but it's having no effect.

The job is taking its toll on him. Should he ask for a referral to Occy Healt?

Any update on Humpty Dumpty?? Have medical advances overcome the previous treatment constraints? Or does he remain a victim of the NHS postcode lottery??

I'm thinking of setting up a hot cross bun stall at my local farmers market. How much should I charge?

I asked DH to fetch the shopping to stock up in case of no deal and shortages, he came home with value rice and treacle FFS, said that was all the money would stretch to, blaming increased prices as everyone panic buys. I am not convinced that's the way the money goes. My sister said she saw him on the road to the next city and in and out the pub. Would you Ltb for giving all our Brexit funds to the landlord of the Eagle. So mners, should I leave or remain? Do I need to organise a people's vote to decide?

Ps there seems to be a monkey on the table when I go out, what should I do?

Sell them as 1 large or two small buns for the same price?