If nursery rhymes were on mumsnet...

[scrappydappydoo]

My 3 monkeys were jumping on the bed one fell off and bumped his head. I phoned 111 but all the doctor said was no more monkeys jumping in the bed. AIBU to want medical advice and not for him to interfere with my parenting?

Yanbu
You must write down all incidences in a diary and report to your safer neighbourhood team at the very least!

EwItsAHooman
Don't forget to call 101 to log it just in case though

ChubRubTheStruggleIsReal I'm logging everything. He's now started shouting through the locks and asking if the children are in bed!

My DS came home from school and sang "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are"

AIBU to complain about the science education he is receiving from school (or lack thereof) to Ofsted?

His school is supposed to be Ofsted outstanding as well! I'm outraged.

There is a goose (in fact a gander) in my house. It has wandered upstairs and downstairs and - the final straw - into my bedroom where it accosted DH, quizzed him about his religious beliefs and attempted to throw him downstairs by the leg.

WIBU to eat the goose? I know I've just missed Christmas but it would freeze, I would think.

What a CF when we know exactly what he’s been upto.. maybe MN can advise on some home cctv equipment you could get??

Clearly he’s now trying to imply you’re a bad mother with a neglectful lack of bedtime structure- are you sleep training? As that could be what is he referring to??
Or maybe he’s just shifting focus from his own dubious behaviour. Most likely. Can you as your DH to warn him off??

have you called the kings horses and kings men?

Oh, come on! By his age Humpty should be able to put himself back together. Stop coddling him. He needs to learn to do these things for himself. Really, you should've taught him how to reassemble himself before he was big enough to be sitting on the wall. The king's horses & men have much more important things to be doing than sticking your child back together all the time.

Also, is his falling a regular thing? I'm sure I remember you posting about this before. You should probably have him checked for dyspraxia before he goes climbing on the wall again. & Maybe supervise him more closely in future. I'd be calling SS by now if I were one of your friends. What kind of mother let's their child go wobbling about on walls without being close enough to grab them?!

Having trouble getting my flowers to grow in rows like little maids.... consulted a green fingered aquaintance -let’s call her Mary- but she kept giving me conflicting advice (and often spoke in rhyme just to confuse me?).
Would I BU to peruse Mary or consult other more reliable and straight talking avenues?
WWYD??

Miss Polly had a dolly who was sick, sick, sick.
So she called for the doctor to come quick, quick, quick. ....
AIBU to suggest that Miss Polly could have taken her dolly to the surgery and not wasted the doctors time on a home visit.

Surely Polly could have just got advice from a pharmacy or NHS online?

On the same topic AIBU to think that Polly should not have sent Dolly back to nursery less than 48 hours after the last episode.....

This is a wwyd employment one. I work for a very rich family , he sits indoors and counts money all day while she doesn't work and just eats herself stupid on honey, anyway the other day I was out in the garden doing laundry stuff when I suffered what can only be described as a life changing injury, unfortunately made worse by some inefficient first aid. I think there should have been risk assessment made and health and safety procedures in place so would it be reasonable to sue them for damages ?

After speaking to “Mary” it has become clear that the selfish moo has her sights set on the ‘Best Garden Award’ at the village fair and her contrary advice was to put me off or sabotage any attempts by me to stand on her way of winning.
Going NC as this year is all about me and my well being and have decided I don’t need her negativity in my life.

That leads me to: How much would you pay a gardener in London? Will gardeners prices be likely to increase significantly after Brexit? Should I start stockpiling fertiliser and lawn feed in case of petrol shortages?

Do you know the muffin man,
The muffin man, the muffin man,
Do you know the muffin man,
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Oh Yes, I know the muffin man,
The muffin man, the muffin man,
Yes, I know the muffin man,
Who lives in Drury Lane.

AIBU to think I've been blatantly Fatshamed?!

DW and DCs and me went down to the woods today and did we get big suprise. It seemed like every bear that ever there was was gathered there for certain because, today's the day the Teddy Bears have thier picnic.
It's almost 6pm WIBU to think that it's time their Mummy's, Daddy's or carers should take them home to bed, because the're tired little Teddy Bears, and the're constant whining is getting on my nerves.

sirgawain I think you must live near us there was some big teddy bear thing going on nearby. I was particularly concerned at the people dressed as bears who were there - when asked why they were disguised and what they were doing in a bear space they claimed to identify as teddy bears and it was literal violence to suggest anything else

AIBU about my neighbours cat?

My neighbour has a talented cat (who doesn't shit in my garden), but does play the fiddle regularly. I wouldn't mind so much, but it's always at night and I'm trying to get the baby to settle. AIBU to ask them to keep the fiddle playing to daylight hours?

Does anyone know what to do when you see a crocodile in a stream? Was just rowing my boat gently and it was right there in the water. . .

WIBU to eat the goose? I know I've just missed Christmas but it would freeze, I would think

I’d definitely freeze it. You’ll be glad of it when there is no food after Brexit. Especially when everyone else is eating 9 day old pease pudding.

This one's more for pets' corner, but we had some kittens, and - believe it or not - they've only gone and lost their mittens.

WIBU to say they can have no pie?

Obviously if they find their mittens, they are welcome to have the pie. Or should I just stick to Purina?

Just seen on the news, London Bridge is falling down. AIBU to suspect terrorism?

AIBU to think this young man needs to learn some table manners and eat his Christmas pie with a knife and fork at the table instead of hiding in the corner and digging around in it with his thumb?

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday child is full of grace.....

AIBU to plan my caesarean around this?

AIBU to think that crooked people and crooked animals should not be forced to live together in crooked accommodation? It’s akin to apartheid, FFS. The non-crooked population need to start accepting crooked rights and making reasonable adjustments. Life is tough enough as it is when you’re crooked, without this bullshit from landlords and housing associations.

I have a very disorganised black coloured hen (relevant). She is a good layer nine or ten eggs each week but she will not allow any females to eat the eggs, only men of a certain social status.
AIBU to suggest that my hen is both mysogynistic and elitist and sets a bad example to my other animals.

IndianaMoleWoman
YANBU but you forgot to mention that the council have a duty to maintain the stile on the footpath leading to the crooked house which, by the sound of it, is unfit for habitation.