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Original poster

Held a newborn today and my heart feels like it is breaking

91 replies

WinterCoatigan · 11/01/2019 19:53

I've been single all my life and I don't think it will change. I'm 34 so time is really running out.

I want a baby and a family so so much. It seems like an actual physical pain.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 11/01/2019 19:54

Flowers it’s a hard feeling.

Would having children alone be an option?

FortyFacedFuckers · 11/01/2019 19:56

Would you consider doing it alone?

You do still have time OP, I know someone who met their partner at 37 and had a baby at 40, baby number 2 is on the way and she is now 42.

WardrobeInCrisis · 11/01/2019 19:57

A friend of mine is doing it alone with sperm donation.

If you have a secure job and housing, why not consider it? It's an valid way as any!

Interested in this thread?

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Antenatal & postnatal General health
themartinipolice · 11/01/2019 19:57

Please try to stay positive - the majority of mums in my child's reception class are in their early forties. Flowers

Miane · 11/01/2019 20:01

My good friend was single for 10 years. Met her DH at 40 and 3 years later is married with 2 lovely children.

It’s hard, I know but don’t give up hope. Flowers

Thundermouse · 11/01/2019 20:01

I had my daughter via donor conception when I was 34. Before she was born, I felt the pain that you describe. I adore my baby, and being a solo mother is wonderful. You can do it, if you want to.

NaiceHamPlease · 11/01/2019 20:01

You still have a lot of time, I had DS at 41.

You might meet someone but you don't need to. Go for it. I spent a lot of time holding friends babies and smiling nicely but absolutely breaking my heart in private. Flowers

CaledonianSleeper · 11/01/2019 20:03

I met my partner at 40 and had my first baby at 43 having been single pretty much throughout my thirties. I know there are a million stories like that and it doesn’t say anything about your situation, but I think you need to remain positive. And you are clear what you want - a partner and family - so you’re unlikely to waste time on people who don’t want the same things which is great and makes it much more likely you will find someone who wants the same things.
I also have a friend who had a baby via sperm donation in her thirties so that’s a valid option to explore too.
Very best of luck to you. Flowers

WatchingTheWheels85 · 11/01/2019 20:05

My friend had her first at 37 then her second at 45 after a one night stand!

Original poster
WinterCoatigan · 11/01/2019 20:06

I don't think doing it alone would be the road for me.

I normally am so positive but I've never felt as down as this. This wall of grief seemed to come over me. I also presume (given my usual shit luck) I'll have fertility problems as well.

Just need to mope tonight and wake up again in the morning I think.

thanks everyone x

OP posts:
themoomoo · 11/01/2019 20:11

opI know exactly how you're feeling; I really do, but it can still happen, you have years yet. I met my husband at 35, had my first baby a year later and had our third at 42.
do you want to tell us your circumstances?
Don't dismiss doing it alone. I genuinely think if i hadn't of my my hudsband when i did, i would have done it alone.

newestbridearound · 11/01/2019 20:12

I get it OP Flowers I cannot biologically have children due to various conditions and even if I could I would never be well enough to look after them. It’s tough and it’s a different sort of grief.

BUT you still have time, even if you feel it’s running out. Many many people including several I know have had children into their 40s. Some have gone it alone or have met and settled down with someone in a small timeframe.
Have a good mope tonight, sometimes it is needed!

Badgerthebodger · 11/01/2019 20:15

Sometimes life just feels really shitty and unfair doesn’t it? I don’t have any words of wisdom but I do think you’re allowed a wallow now and then. I would treat yourself to something lovely to eat and drink, watch a shit romcom, have a bath, just whatever you do to spoil yourself. You’re allowed to feel sad. Just try and be kind to yourself Flowers

ShadyLady53 · 11/01/2019 20:15

OP I’m the same age and have felt the same way for over 10 years Flowers. It’s a horrible aching empty feeling isn’t it? I actually can’t bear to live like this anymore so something has to change.

For those who met their husbands past 35 - where did you meet them?

themoomoo · 11/01/2019 20:20

shady I met my husband at work. we had been good friends for about a year or so after he joined. On our second "date" I asked him if he wanted children. I thought fuck it, i can't afford to waste any time. Fortunately he did.
he also said he realised he wanted to marry me when we were just friends .
14 or so years later and he's still fab, as are my 3 boys.

Original poster
WinterCoatigan · 11/01/2019 20:20

I'm not in a great mood so I am going to be petulant. I don't want to do it alone. I want a partner as much as I want a baby. Everyone else seems to manage it!

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 11/01/2019 20:25

Thanks @themoomoo glad to hear it all worked out!

@WinterCoatigan I think people underestimate how difficult going through conception, pregnancy and the baby years without a partner can be. I’m not sure I want to go it alone either. If everyone else can get the partner AND kids it does seem unfair that some women who want that too miss out totally. You aren’t being petulant. I think you feel cheated. And you are allowed to feel that way.

Are you dating or anything? I’m not meeting any new men and terrified of the online thing. I do think it’s a numbers game though. Anyway you can increase the number of men you meet?

neveradullmoment99 · 11/01/2019 20:25

Lots of people have used dating sites like tinder with great success. Would you/have you considered it?
My ds is going out with someone for a while through this and I know a couple of people who have used match.com who have got married through it!!

ShadyLady53 · 11/01/2019 20:26

All the couples I know at the moment used apps too. Things have moved quite quickly for them.

themoomoo · 11/01/2019 20:26

op
do you get out and about?
do you work?
do you go to social things ever?
I get you.
Give us an idea of your days and whether you're a confident person or find in difficult to meet new people

AnoukSpirit · 11/01/2019 20:26

You're not being petulant. You're allowed to say how you feel. Pretending to feel positivity that you don't actually feel won't help.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 11/01/2019 20:27

I met my husband when I was your age, and had my first baby 4 days before my 37th birthday. Things can change so quickly. Are you going out lots and getting opportunities to meet someone? What about your favourite hobbies? Could you sign up to lots of groups that you love doing where you might meet someone like-minded? Flowers

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 11/01/2019 20:29

I have known so many people (including long term singletons) who have found their DP through OLD. Could you maybe focus your attention on meeting someone you would like to settle down with and take it from there? I hope you feel better soon Flowers

formerbabe · 11/01/2019 20:29

I've been single all my life and I don't think it will change

Why do you think it won't change? What's holding you back from having a relationship?

themoomoo · 11/01/2019 20:30

op
How about a large glass of wine and signing up to an OLD?
It's not the preserve of sad bastards .
we could help write your profile and vet your responses!!