Held a newborn today and my heart feels like it is breaking

[WinterCoatigan]

I've been single all my life and I don't think it will change. I'm 34 so time is really running out.

I want a baby and a family so so much. It seems like an actual physical pain.

I met my DH through friends of friends of friends at 40.

DD at 43.

Its hard, but you've time. Really you do.

I work full time. I like doing yoga but it's not a hot bed of single men! Most of my friends are now tied down with wedding saving or babies so admittedly my social life isn't what it was. I have tried Match before as I thought paying might eliminate some of the crazies, this was not so.

I have occasionally downloaded Tinder but there seemed to be lots of 19 and 21 year olds

I wouldn't want to do it alone either. Babies are hard work and looking after them solo can be a slog, lovely though they are.

Have you looked at the Hinge app, OP? It's quite good. I know two people who have use it and both have found relationships with a great deal of potential.

But yes, mope. It is sucky. The future might not be but right now is, so unmumsnetty hugs for you.

34 is still young!

You do still have time to find a partner and have a child/ren!

I think the worst thing you can do is close your heart to it though.

The reality is that is the way most people want to do it but they don't need to be a package deal. If you get to a point where it's try to have a child now or it's too late then that's a choice you will have to make, it doesn't mean you won't meet someone later.

Or you could meet someone next week who has children and they become part of your life.

I had no luck with Match either, but I took a chance on the higher fees and joined eHarmony. The first person who contacted me I am now married to with a child. It might be worth looking at other sites?

Oh love, I do feel for you.

At 34 you still have time to meet someone, but you don't have endless years - so your fertility needs to be the priority. It might help to have an idea of a deadline; if you haven't met someone by age 36 then consider exploring sperm donation and going it alone to have a baby.

Remember that you can meet a partner at any age, whereas your fertile years are finite. It gets more difficult to conceive after 35 and once you hit 40 the chances decrease again - although it's not impossible!

I know that the usual order of things is to meet someone and have a baby with them, but sometimes life doesn't always work that way. If having a child is important to you then you must prioritise your fertile years.

My ds is 31 and has found someone so there is still hope and you are still young :) Don't write yourself off.

What is different about Hinge?

I think I must just emit the wrong signals or something. I am generally quite a nice person. But I've never met anyone who I can see myself spending my whole life with.

PS don't just rely on dating apps. Try hobbies where there is a good mix of sexes - a running or cycling club? Evening classes?

I have a friend who did this and went to a photography evening class. She met her now DP there and she's due any day with their first baby together. She had no interest in photography(!) but wanted to do activities where she could meet people.

I met my DH when I was 33, almost 34. I'm now pregnant at 39. Due to several issues I needed fertility treatments and had a couple of miscarriages otherwise we could have had a baby earlier. At this age relationships tend to become more serious quicker IMO. Don't lose hope, keep looking for a partner, you still have time. I also found it a difficult age to be single emtionally, so many of my friends were married and having babies and I had nothing but things really can change in a short time. I wish you the best of luck.

Hinge has personality elements to it - there are pictures but also you answer questions like 'what is your greatest fear?' to provide common ground and conversation openers. It's less superficial and, at the moment, seems to have a more mature and less casual sex-orientated user base.

My DSis met her partner at 34, had baby at 38. You can do it now if you plan it well - just be very strict with meeting someone

The trouble is, being desperate for a partner makes you an absolute magnet for dickheads. You're also likely, in your desperation, to overlook the fact that your latest bloke has more red flags than Stalin's stag night.

It might be worth, not so much going it alone, but looking for a man who wants to be a father and who is a decent type who you could co-parent with.

you still have time. i met my DH when I had given up finding anyone. I was 35. I’m 42 now with two DCs. I understand the desperation, but things can happen when you least expect it.

Have you looked at My Single Friend?

Running clubs are full of men - could you join one?

What about your friends? Do they or their partners know anyone you could meet?

You need to attack this from all sides - best of luck

I've been desperately single since I was 21, even attracting a dickhead would be a slight improvement on attracting absolutely no-one!

Tell us where you are in the country, OP, and tell us your interests - let's see if we can do some matchmaking.

You probably do attract people, OP, but if you're not all that observant or have low self-esteem you may not notice. And not all men have the confidence to make the first move.

I think your apparent low self-esteem and admitted "desperation" is probably a big factor in not being able to maintain a relationship. You need to have a bit of confidence, and you need to be able to be happy in your own company before you can have a healthy relationship.

I think your apparent low self-esteem and admitted "desperation" is probably a big factor in not being able to maintain a relationship. You need to have a bit of confidence, and you need to be able to be happy in your own company before you can have a healthy relationship

I do feel at a bit of a low point tbh. How can I be confident when I have no experience of being in a relationship? I feel I have come as far as I can on my own, but I've missed out a huge chunk of adult-hood and I genuinely don't know how to catch up on that.

op have you never had a proper grown up relationship?

My friend felt like this at 30, she’s a bit older than me and we were talking about futures and she didn’t have a partner and was really down. She got on match.com, after 4 months she found a nice bloke, 3 years later and they’re married with a 1 year old! It can happen, and my best friend didn’t have her first until 37

You do still have time - I know many who had their first at 40/42 etc. But also have a couple of single friends nearing 50 living with deep regret at not having a child due to wanting the perfect set up. Get your fertility tested - then you know where you stand. A younger friend of mine did this at 33 - and found time was indeed running out, as luck would have it an old romance was rekindled, and she's just had a daughter.

have you never had a proper grown up relationship?

No. Six months-ish has been the longest anything has lasted.

What do you mean by "missing out on a large chunk of adulthood"?