Are SAHMs unemployable?

[bugscrawingoutyourmouth]

How uneployable am i?

I'm a sahm after putting my degree on hold for 3 years and currently completing (a very easy/useless) evening course to get a professional qualification.

My partner is the breadwinner and last night he told me that he's sick of paying for my life. So I now need to get a job, but to do what? I have no skills. My literacy skills are poor even though I did A level English. My logic/maths skills abysmal. I don't even have the social skills to work in a supermarket.

I want to get 30 hours too as I am now just so exhausted with my 3 year old, I dread waking up every morning.

Anyone else feel unemployable after staying at home?

he owns property and has tenants

But UC is for the household right ?
Or are you claiming alone?
Or does he hide all this property and income ?
Why is he in HA if he owns property?

My goodness your H sounds awful OP and is probably a large part of the reason you are feeling so low about yourself.

You have to declare everyone who lives in the household when you apply for UC so you can't have claimed alone as you do have a partner? So did you both lie on the application, because you have to declare ALL income and savings and assets?

I'd actually get hold of his tenancy agreement. He may be in violation of the terms if he owns a property he is letting out. But all this doesn't make sense with the UC application. I've helped loads of people complete theirs and you have to declare everything.

Not quite the same as we don't have kids and I'm not a financially abusive arsehole, but when my DH was suffering from confidence problems after a long time out of work he volunteered in a charity shop and it honestly did him the world of good, in both his self confidence and his employability.

The volunteers at his shop came from all walks of life but included people with fairly severe social anxiety, and the manager went out of his way to make sure they were doing roles they felt comfortable in.

Ok, so look for a job that works around your childcare options....
I work 18 hours per week for my local council. I am a customer services officer. It pays approx £12 per hour. At the moment I am based in a hub Library. This is not living the dream!!! But -- with a young daughter (1.5 when I started, she's now 4) it has been a good job to juggle with motherhood. Hours can be arranged around nursery and childcare and since she was 3yo we get 30hours free childcare per week which is brilliant.
Personally I can understand why he would like you to contribute financially since your child is in nursery and you could be getting 30hours free childcare per week with both parents in employment. Housework can be done around a part time job.

Btw I was an event manager at a luxury venue before having dd.
Yes I took a big pay cut going back to work. But didn't feel able to take on a management job while juggling home life. I needed something that suited hours wise and minimal stress.

The claim isn't yet finished. We both have to upload evidence.

I don't know why he even got housed. The terms in the agreement state that the prospective tenant must not be a home owner. Yet he still managed to get a 2 bed property with such low rent in London. His dad does work for the HA, which is probably why he's so morally corrupt.

You sound depressed OP and your DH sounds like an arse

Ok. Lots going on here. It is a tough job market, but you mustnt take rejections personally. You just havent found the right match yet. You sound resigned to leaving him as soon as you are financially able to. So, in no particular order:

1. GP because you do sound depressed. The GP cant change your circumstances but can perscribe medication which might make your daily day easier to get through.
2. Continue to look for work - sign up for job emails from local employers.
3. See if you can get your DD the free hours at nursery
4. Call women's aid. They will be able to talk you through the practicalities of leaving.
5. Improve your confidence and self worth. Because actually you sound quite nice, and your posts are clear, even if they weren't you still deserve and a worthy of a good life. Being dogsbody to an unappreciative abusive prick is not a good life. There are lots of apps with hypnosis and all sorts. It's a bit of a sticky plaster slution but it would be good in the long run.
6. CV and applications. Have you got anyone who can constructively go through them with you? Are there any temp agencies you can sign up to? If you're willing to clean, particularly evenings and weekends then you can usually get work. You never know lots of companies exist until you get sent to clean at one. It can be a way in.
7. Volunteering might also be a good way to get out of the house and get going again. Have a look at the do-it website a pp linked to.
8. Try not to waste headspace on questions like how did he get housed. It's not a constructive use of your time.

These freaking men take out their frustrations on us, if we billed them for all the cooking/cleaning/childcare they'd be screwed.

Only the really crap men. If a man ever told me he was putting a roof over my head; I'd be gone. No matter what. There is no decent reason to say that to anyone.

redexpat that post was so constructive, practical and forward thinking. I'm not the OP but entering the job market in near future I found it incredibly useful

So he's guilty of fraud for the tenancy. If he lies on your UC claim for that too. If he doesn't lie you won't get a penny. He's financially abusive as he's earning all this money but you're on your knees living in scraps of savings. He's emotionally abusive I would say fromm what you've said.

Do you have no family you can go to OP? Even out of the area?

He is a liar. He won't get UC unless he lies and as it's a joint claim, you might get into trouble if they find out the truth because you know he owns a property and has income from tenants and income from side jobs.

He is financially abusive.

I hate to say it, but you might be better off going it alone because at least then your UC claim will be honest.

I'd be temped to turn him in for fraudulent tenancy if you have evidence of his owned property, which you can get from the Land Registry, although he's probably done something dodgy and bought it via a trust or business because he's a lying con artist.

I honestly don't see why he is applying for UC anyhow. Anyone with even quite a low salary will not get it, a moderate one probably not and you have no disability elements. Are you in receipt of housing benefit? It doesn't make sense to apply for UC with savings or capital of over £6000 and his savings are 'significant' unless he plans to lie. In which case, please don't comply with his fraud!

The higher work allowance is about £600/month, surely he earns over this if he is on a moderate salary? I think it's just another lie he's trying to spin. He's very bad news.

There are a few issues going on here as already pointed out. You need to deal with your tiredness and Dp first.

If he needs you to work then he simply cannot dictate no weekends etc, Out of interest what is Dps salary?

Thank you redexpat

I can't/won't go to my mother's house as all my adult siblings are there. There would be nowhere to sleep. My mother is on the sofa.

If the worst does happen, I think I would report him to the HA. Doubt anything would happen since his dad set up the flat.

It doesn't make sense to apply for UC with savings or capital of over £6000 and his savings are 'significant' unless he plans to lie

I called UC a few months ago and mentioned that partner has savings over 16,000. The person said that I should still apply.

He has investments, a trust fund, more money will be released to him in 5 years, he earns around 20,000 p.a., on top of 1.5k from his property and 400 from other side jobs. He said that he gets around 35k in total p.a.

And even so, you have just £200 to your name and when that gmis gone you'll be penniless bar £20.40 a week. He's not even paying for her top up at nursery!!

Report him and his dad then.
The HA shpuld know.
He has other property

Make a plan to leave.