How to convince DP we don't need to fly on holiday?

[AdultHumanFemale]

A few days ago DP received an invitation for the whole family to go and visit his friend who has recently moved to an old farm house by the sea in a southern European country. I am naturally grateful for the invitation, but:
We have recently committed to making some lifestyle changes to support the environment, and flying is definitely something we have both agreed ought to go. We don't fly a lot anyway, so not a massive ask.
DP has now gone all #makingmemories on me, and is going on about how it will be great for the DCs to have a continental adventure.
I can't seem to get through to him with the very same arguments which made him decide only earlier this year that it would be a positive, life-affirming choice to avoid flying. I am exasperated, he's coming up with some corkers, such as "If we don't get on that plane, some other family will..." and "We can just go greener in other areas of our lives this year." He's a bright guy, but seems to have had a brain transplant.
What can I say to convince him that we don't need a foreign holiday at the expense of the planet?

You don't need to fly, no, but clearly he wants to on this occasion. I'm with him. You aren't going to save the planet by denying your family this trip.

Can you get there by another means? Travel is a good thing!

Go by train. We go to France, Italy and Spain by train every year. Great way to travel.

Carbon offsets? davidsuzuki.org/what-you-can-do/carbon-offsets

I'm afraid I'm with your DP on this.
It sounds like a lovely holiday destination which the whole family can enjoy.
You can compromise by not flying anywhere else for a few years and you can go greener in other areas of your life.
Look at it this way, you are won't be flying your own private jet but using public transport which will be flying that day anyway.

Whereabouts in Southern Europe is it? And how long have you got for the holiday?

You may be able to do it by train, we take the train to south of France but obviously it takes longer than the plane!

What about this one? www.carbonfootprint.com/gs_india_cookstoves.html

Just you giving up one flight isn't going to save the planet! And he's quite right, that plane is going to fly anyway, whether you're on it or not. Go and enjoy it, and don't fly next time!

I’m going to be the one to say it but no way would I miss out on holidays, travel and memories for the tiny impact it has in the environment.

Go and enjoy your holiday.

I think you are being a bit dogmatic and inflexible. Ok so you have both agreed to try and make the environment your focus, but one flight won’t make you a hypocrite!

I'm with your DP on this one. Do it for this instance, it's a good offer and experience.

Train. Or ferry to Santander and drive?

Your DP is right here. That plane is flying anyway whether you’re on it or not, so refusing to fly on it won’t affect anything except your own family (and negatively so).

Can't you take the train? Would be even more of a European adventure then...

What are his reasons for not wanting to train/ drive it?

Dh and I always used to drive to visit his family in Croatia and it didn’t actually take much longer when you factor in checking in early, having to stay at hotel night before, transfers from airport etc. Admittedly we haven’t been brave enough to do it since having dc’s but we are going to try it for the first time this summer (youngestdc is 3).

Making resolutions not to fly is a good thing for the environment. Of course one person doing it won’t make much of a difference but that’s why it’s so important that everyone tries to fly less. Our planet is dying and we’re just sitting around saying ‘it’s not our fault’.

You / your DH may find this useful...

www.seat61.com/index-mobile.htm

Train may well be an option. I hope you are not using a car each day at all, and are not buying summer fruits in winter that have been flown a long way. Otherwise you could be guilty of 'greenwash'.

I also agree with your DP. Life really is too short to deny yourself a nice holiday once a year. Being a martyr about this really won’t change the fate of the planet.

I think it’s admirable to aim to fly less.

But when we make resolutions like this we inevitably come up against stumbling blocks - which should be used to hone your stance to something which you find ideologically acceptable and fits in practically with other priorities of your life, rather than deciding it is fly and abandon the principle, or stick to it dogmatically come what may.

In your case you might adjust your resolution so that where there are no other factors involved you opt for a drive/train holiday one involving a flight BUT where the location is specified by eg friends, an overseas wedding, visiting a sick relative etc., you make an exception.

You can also do as your DP suggests and concentrate on other environmental measures.

TLDR - I’d go on this holiday but stick to your guns on other occasions

forall I’m going to take a guess that the OP is aware that there are other things that are bad for the environment too. I hate that attitude of ‘ooh, you’re being all high and mighty by not flying but I bet you don’t weave your own socks or only eat from hedgerows so what’s the point.’

People need to be making changes to their behaviour or this planet will become a very difficult place to live very quickly. I don’t understand the idea that people who try and moderate their behaviour to help the planet are depriving their children of experiences. They are doing far more for their children by helping to ensure there is a place for them to live.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Heffalump , can you come over and help me out, please?
Kintan , I know I am probably being both inflexible and dogmatic, and I also know that that is not how to get through to someone who one is hoping to influence. Must moderate strategy...
Destination is southern Spain, driving would be possible if we pick the time carefully. But DP is all over hunting for cheap flights.
I am just so disappointed in how easily he crumbled at the first hurdle. My family live in Scandinavia, I have made the decision to avoid flying knowing it'll drastically impact on how often I see them (luckily, they get it). For DP to turn a blind eye to good science in favour of a jolly seems really weird.
There is this calculator where you can work out how many cubic metres of Arctic ice your flight will melt. A family flying European short-haul takes a huge irreplaceable chunk out of the Arctic; how can I justify it? No other domestic or consumer activity comes close, so there is nothing to off-set or do less of in order to compensate -flying is in a league of its own. It really isn't insignificant, Nick , but I know you are trying to be kind.
Forall , I'm with Heffalump here, the 'greenwash' angle is bananas; looking at it like that, nobody would ever do anything to try to limit the climate emergency. But as it happens, if someone was keen to make maximum green impact for minimum effort (for refraining from doing something) avoiding flying would be a brilliant start. As it happens, I do drive a car, a measly 2-3000 miles per year, but am hoping to really reduce this too. I live where this is possible so why not?

If you did a two week holiday you could do it by train in a couple of days both ways and still have a full week there. I have fond memories of the wonderful sleeper trains I was taken on as a kid. It’s a fantastic adventure.

Or - buy carbon offsets.

Meh. Have the holiday. Being a martyr won't make a jot of difference.

have a look at this