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Original poster

How to convince DP we don't need to fly on holiday?

110 replies

AdultHumanFemale · 29/12/2018 19:56

A few days ago DP received an invitation for the whole family to go and visit his friend who has recently moved to an old farm house by the sea in a southern European country. I am naturally grateful for the invitation, but:
We have recently committed to making some lifestyle changes to support the environment, and flying is definitely something we have both agreed ought to go. We don't fly a lot anyway, so not a massive ask.
DP has now gone all #makingmemories on me, and is going on about how it will be great for the DCs to have a continental adventure.
I can't seem to get through to him with the very same arguments which made him decide only earlier this year that it would be a positive, life-affirming choice to avoid flying. I am exasperated, he's coming up with some corkers, such as "If we don't get on that plane, some other family will..." and "We can just go greener in other areas of our lives this year." He's a bright guy, but seems to have had a brain transplant.
What can I say to convince him that we don't need a foreign holiday at the expense of the planet?

OP posts:
randomsabreuse · 30/12/2018 20:11

Car probably wouldn't be much better carbon wise. There used to be trains to Spain from Gare d'Austerlitz - link to eurostar

randomsabreuse · 30/12/2018 20:19

Just wandered down memory lane - there is a sleeper from Gare du Lyon to Madrid - assuming destination is on the train that could be an adventure- maybe a day in Paris, day in Madrid on way out and come back a different route. There is also a Corail sleeper to the Spanish border

Redtartanshoes · 30/12/2018 20:22

The plane is flying regardless of whether you are on it or not 🤷🏽‍♀️

bobstersmum · 30/12/2018 20:43

Newsflash. The world is ending next year because op and her family flew to southern Europe instead of taking a car, three trains, a ferry and a bus. And a tuk tuk.

Nenic · 30/12/2018 20:45

The plane is going anyway. I’d be your DH

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2018 21:03

The plane will be going anyway-because most people don’t care. If only more people were like the OP we might just possibly avert the disaster we are careering towards.

underneaththeash · 30/12/2018 21:11

I too would just go - I'd actually just go and leave you at home if you won't go as well,

Sarahandduck18 · 30/12/2018 22:08

This sounds like a special trip not just a fly and flop holiday so I think you could be more flexible plus you shouldn’t not see your own family for this reason!

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 30/12/2018 22:11

Persuade him by buying train tickets

Win/win

semideponent · 30/12/2018 22:16

Rent a Tesla and drive?

notangelinajolie · 30/12/2018 22:28

We don't have holidays - we have grand adventures. Yes, it will cost you more and yes it will take days rather than hours to get there but if you want a continental adventure then any way but plane is the way to go. We haven't flown for nearly 20 years and it's perfectly doable. Our kids have never had an annual holiday and 2 have never been inside an airport but over the past 15 years they have had 5 huge grand adventures. And not just to France. It's not easy and takes lots of planning but we (and I'm quite sure the kids agree on this) have had a ball. Do it OP - start this right now.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 30/12/2018 22:29

“My family live in Scandinavia, I have made the decision to avoid flying knowing it'll drastically impact on how often I see them”

I find that incredibly sad that you would rather miss out on seeing your family than get on a plane that is going to set off anyway.

BeardedMum · 30/12/2018 22:37

I am with your DP and if I was him I would probably just take the children on that plane anyway. I also think its sad you won’t fly to visit your family.

Original poster
AdultHumanFemale · 31/12/2018 00:47

Red and Nenic you are winding me up, right? That was exactly what DP was saying the other night, and I nearly fell off my chair with the sheer, wilful disingenuousness of it.
Thanks for the link, Bertrand . I might just adopt the grand adventure outlook and try selling it to DP, who has travelled across several continents on just about every mode of wheeled transport there is, so not sure why he's so intent on flying now.
I too find it sad that I don't live on the same slab of land as my family, and I would love to see them more regularly. But I made a choice to live here, not there. They are of a similar mindset to me about green issues so we're on the same page at least.
It is really interesting seeing everyone's responses, thank you. For me, it is a case of 'once seen, I can't unsee it'; I know that certain things take a massive toll on the environment so I find it very difficult to do those things in the face of the proven damage I know it will cause. Because I am in a very fortunate position in my life in as much as not living in a war zone or enduring a famine or a drought, not living in abject poverty or under an oppressive regime, not living with a life limiting illness or disability, I am able to make really positive decisions about how I impact on the environment locally and globally with relative ease, and without it impacting massively on my life. So I can't see why I wouldn't.

OP posts:
Raven88 · 31/12/2018 01:04

If my DH started refusing to get flights I would just leave him at home.

calamitycake · 31/12/2018 01:23

@notangelinajolie - where have you been on your adventures? I love reading about overland trips!

bonfireheart · 31/12/2018 01:32

DH goes.
You stay at home.
Easy peasy.

Xmastinseltown · 31/12/2018 01:39

OP
It's all well and good sticking to your principles, but when the plane is flying regardless of whether you're on it or not, it seems daft to deny yourself and your family this holiday.
Even more so if other forms of travel make it much more difficult to get to your destination.

I also think that you should consider (at worst case scenario) that your DH could get fed up with your stance on something which impacts all of you, and it could eventually affect your marriage.
One more thing, what would you do if there was a family emergency in Scandinavia?

Would you also refuse to hop on a plane then?

DeepanKrispanEven · 31/12/2018 01:49

The plane is going anyway. I’d be your DH

If enough people decide not to fly, fewer planes will be "going anyway" and it will make a measurable difference.

starzig · 31/12/2018 02:27

Sounds like he would probably have more fun just going without you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/12/2018 02:45

Well while I dont see the harm in flying once in a few years, I would be massively pissed off at his hypocrisy. Talks the talk until he gets a nice invite and then he is immediately dusting off the passports. I would think less of him tbh, he doesnt even have a bit of a dilemma about it which would make me feel that he at least as thinking about your agreement.

Could you ferry and drive? Best bit of that is that you will have your own car when you are there. Or as a PP said, train it. My parents have been all over Europe by train despite being flyers and drivers and they maintain it is the best way to travel as you see more of the country.

fatoneatthegym · 31/12/2018 05:02

Another option would be to travel there by train and then hire a car once you arrive, if needed.

explodingkitten · 31/12/2018 05:37

I think that you are making it difficult for DH to agree to not flying by just refusing to. You should make a detailed travel plan, like: we'll take the train to dover/calais on the 25th at 10 o'clock, then transfer to train destination x at time y etc. Etc. Write out the whole alternative plan and present it to him.

I find it strange that you want to be so enviromentally friendly (commendable though) but would drive to spain. Surely taking a train would leave a much smaller carbon footprint?

Nakedavenger74 · 31/12/2018 06:04

You've made the biggest, most significant negative impact a person can make on the environment by having children OP! Everything else is a drop in the ocean. That plane is going even without you on it! Arguably driving probably costs the same environmentally.
I fly a lot for work and because I live on a pacific island. I make as many changes as I can to my life because of it. Go on the holiday and try hard to offset by:

  • refuse/reuse/repurpose as much as possible. No single use stuff
  • try to be plastic free in the bathroom as a start, soaps rather than shower gels and shampoos
  • don't buy wasteful stuff that will end up in landfill.. like Xmas crackers, pointless kids plastic toys, Xmas cards etc
-limit water use as electricity/gas
  • use public transport
  • offset the carbon
  • have no more kids
Nakedavenger74 · 31/12/2018 06:13

Otherwise there are trains. Overnight car train from Folkestone or Calais takes you to Perpignan. Drive off to the south of Spain or simply train the whole way as others have suggested and hire car at end