Never thought it would be this shit

[Mississippilessly]

I'm currently standing on my own driveway. DH is inside watching The Chase. I am rocking our very over tired baby who has gone to sleep after a walk but keeps coming to - I know if I go inside where there is warmth and light he will really wake up.im standing here so I can use my wifi.
His night sleep is broken to say the least. 3 wake ups is great. We often wake every hr. He is 15 weeks old. I am so so tired. I am so tired of trying to figure it out. So tired of research. So tired of spending my life trying to get him to sleep. So tired of making so many decisions every day - do I try to keep him awake longer/ do I try crib or sling/do I try to carry on doing things or just give in and live for his naps.
I never imagined it would be this hard or this absurd.

No one talks about it. It's so, so hard. I had a tricky sleeper. Never napped other than on me, on boob.

Woke every 45 mins at night. Co-slept with him on his side. Not recommended, I know, but I slept right next to him in safe co-sleep position, with my arm on him. This would get longer stretches out of him, sometimes as much as 2 hours. It gets better, I promise. It will be ok.

also, it's ok to want to stab your mum friends who lift their babies out of car seats and put in bed/put in cot to nap to "self-settle".

Do you have an extraction fan for your oven I use to put my little one in his pram and rock him in the kitchen with the fan on worked a treat xxx

DD wasn't ever great at sleeping.
I remember talking to BIL one morning about how rubbish the night before had been (his youngest is just a few months older than DD and faces different difficulties) and his response was: she doesn't sleep well? Oh thank God, we thought she was perfect!

We all struggle and think everyone else is doing better than us, but really it isn't the case. You're doing great!

Also 'Tit' completely got me

It honestly does get better. Feels near impossible while your living it though. My first dc slept quite well then my second was awful. He didn't sleep more that 2 hours at a time until he was 3 years old! He's 10 now and I had to go wake him at 10.30 this morning to have breakfast. Me an dh joke about how those early years were just survival and not living stupidly decided to do it all again and have another baby so we're back to the baby stage. Hope you get some sleep soon op.

Hugs. I hysterically cried at 11 weeks because he just wouldn't stop screaming. My mom had to take him away or I'd have killed him as I was exhusted.
Honestly it gets better D's is almost 6mths and now is only waking 2-3 times a night.

I was 18 when I had my first but I can remember after a few weeks thinking what the fuck is this. I honestly came close to ringing this girl I knew who was pregnant amd telling her to reconsider . It passes and you will one day miss this. You are doing amazing

It may be a load of codswallop but at 15 weeks your baby is going through a massive (and what I found to be hellish) leap according to the wonder weeks app. I downloaded it and it has saved my sanity as I feel like there is some reasoning behind the irritating behaviour. We have just come out of that 5 week leap and things have improved. It’s based on due date and is just useful to consult and remind you that this leap/phase will pass it even gives you a countdown of the days left in each leap.

Another tactic I have found as a first time mum is to put myself in the place of a third/fourth time mum where there are other children with needs. If baby isn’t seen to for 5/10 minutes because something needs to be done it is not the end of the world. I run a business and look after my baby at the same time. I cannot attend to every cry because I have so much to be getting on with. I read a book on French parenting with advocates “le pause” (or as I call it gentle neglect) don’t rush and respond immediately breath deeply give yourself a minute and they may settle or self soothe on their own before you rush in trying to fix everything.

I also think the Baby Whisperer EASy method has given me some structure to my day.

Ultimately every mum/baby is different time is flying by since I had my little one in August and it won’t be long til we look back on these days and perhaps miss them good luck there’s loads of advice on here to try.

OP this was me last weekend but DD is only 9 weeks old. I hadn't had more than 2 hours sleep and was on my knees. I cried all day and night.

On the advice of here and a local person I saw a cranial osteopath which i wrongly had not considered as she was a section delivery. She has been 3 times this week and is now discharged. She is now sleeping. Doing 3 hours then 2 and 2 minimum. I couldn't believe the difference and it did take 2 sessions to see any change but it worked for us. She is much happier and more settled during day as well.

OP you poor thing. It's fucking wretched sometimes.

why the fuck did none of you tell me this before I got knocked up?
I used to wonder this about my so-called friends with kids...eventually when chatting one day I went into detail about my daily schedule, such as it was, rather than just the usual oh yes, my baby is a shit sleeper too conversation...I told them about every half hour wake, the relentless feeding, the multiple failed attempts to put my dd down at 5am while the tears streamed down my face...and they looked at each other and said "Wow, your baby really is a shit sleeper, none of ours were half that bad!"
Made me feel slightly better that my desperation was justified!

It's funny the talk of fantasizing about going into hospital. I remember when I was in a shit job I used to dream of getting accidentally pregnant so I didn't have to go to work. Now I dream of 15 hour shifts and overnights in ropey but babyless travelodges

It does get better though. Slowly but surely. And you can start really enjoying their wonderful company instead of just surviving. I now have another one so it must be alright (either that or the first sent me completely round the twist).

Not read all the replies but I’d give a bottle. Not necessarily because it will make him sleep longer ( though it might) but because your do can give it and you get a longer stretch of sleep. Your sanity and health is vital and sleep deprivation can cause your mental health to crack which will be more detrimental to your baby than a bottle. IMO .

Just wanted to repeat that it is shit, it doesn't get better, and you're doing it all right.
I spent ages with DC1 researching and reading and planning. I tried everything I could. DC2 I just kept buggering on and didn't do anything. Same result, sleep-wise. There's no answers.

Crap. That should say it DOES get better. Sorry!

My one piece of advice here is stop researching. It doesn't fucking work! Nothing works! I've been there and I know how shit you must be feeling but it just makes it worse when you try yet another thing and it still doesn't work! But it really does get better. You'll look back and not even be able to remember how tired you felt. I haven't rtft but have you tried infacol? It was the only thing that made a difference for us (she says after saying stop researching...)

If also echo a bottle. I bf dd1 and the difference once she had her first bottle - I swear she'd been constantly hungry before that. She went from 3-4 times waking at night to once at 6am! It made a huge difference to the whole family - sometimes babies just need more to settle. I never bf dd2 and the difference in both babies and the affect on us as parents was immediate

Hi OP!

Looks like you have lots of great replies already- but thought I’d just say well done, you’re doing an amazing job. there were times in the early days where I thought I couldn’t go another minute.

A few of us have babies like this if you would like to join our thread-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3398261-Parents-of-Criers-Support-Thread-Respite-from-the-Screaming

My pfb didn’t sleep and screamed most of the day. Remember builders shouting out helpful advice as I walked the streets with a screaming baby. I went to 3 different gps to ask what to do about the fact she wouldn’t sleep none had any answers. Oh my god it was hell. Lovely careful thoughtful 12 year d now and her younger sister slept 11-6 at 8 weeks. My first baby nearly broke me and I was a corporate lawyer who had done many all nighters

Ah I remember these days and wondering why no one told me about them! Stick at it though because it does get easier. When mine was about 5 months we went through an amazing phase of feeding to sleep for every nap. Baby grumbles pop on boob and voila either happy fed baby or happy asleep baby! He’s now 11 months and I have a few strategies - boob, car seat or pram (I have an old one upstairs - nap pram!) occasionally he will let me rub his back to sleep now too.
Did you have a yoga ball? Lots of friends swear by bouncing the baby while sat on it, worth a try! I also found that he eventually would let me transfer him to his cot but only as he got older. Massive fan of white noise here and co-sleeping! My baby had some bottles in the early days and it didn’t make a difference to his sleep (worse if anything as more windy!) we have been ebf since 16 weeks (difficult start) and it’s so worth sticking it out as it’s so much less faff! Find a la leche league group in your area to meet others in the same boat!

Ah op you are doing your best but you have my sympathies as sleep deprivation is awful.

DS is now 13 so I can't offer updated advice but the one thing I did remember that saved my sanity was a vibrating chair (known as buzzy chair) that we used to put him in on the floor and sleep next to it on the sofa in the early morning wake ups.

I think we were going through a pack of triple A's a week.

Used to keep him content though, especially with a dab of lavender oil on the baby grow.

Having a baby is the best thing, but also the shittest thing, and relentless sleep deprivation is torture.

It feels like it will go on forever, but eventually it doesn't. Baby will get bigger, will sleep better and life will get easier.

Go easy on yourself OP, take all the support you are offered and work out a survival plan with your DP. Key for me was knowing that although the nights (and days) were long, he'd look after me when awake - starting with breakfast in bed and an hour away from the baby.

Hope things get better for you soon - keep going, you are doing great.

Having a baby is amazing but hard. It gets easier though particularly once they get past toddlerhood and you get a little time to yourself. My favourite oeriod so far is teenage years because of the overlap in interests and humour

Oh it was like this for me. Life was spent desperately trying to get DD to sleep, she’d eventually drop off after an hour of trying only to ping awake 10 minutes later. Hours of overtired screaming in the evenings. At night she would only sleep on my chest, so I “slept” sitting up for months.

At about 16 weeks I cracked, having nearly fallen down the stairs when holding her because I waas so tired, and we did controlled crying. She slept through the very first night after we started cc, and for weeks and weeks after (until teething). It was amazing and I actually started to enjoy having a baby, DD was so much happier too. Many people on MN will tell me/ you that CC should not be used so young but for us it was a lifesaver, it was not something we wanted to do but less bad than the alternative of a mum who was so tired it wasn’t safe and a constantly miserable overtired baby. (Also it takes less time and less crying if they are younger, DD didn’t actually cry for very long at all).

I think I'm finding it difficult given the holidays. I love Christmas, parties etc and although I appreciated it would be different I didn't realise I would be so.knackered and so tired with making decisions. We were due to go to a family get together this evening. Wr planned on staying at my mum's. Car packed, drove the long way so DD could have a decent.nap and I just can't face it. We have turned round - 2.hr round trip for nothing. We have had arrangements every day since DH finished (19th) - it's exhausted me and quite honestly I haven't enjoyed any of it. I had 32 people to buy for. Wr have NYE at MIL's tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

I feel like I've lost my life. This time last year DH and I were in the Maldives celebrating my pregnancy. Feels like.years ago. I look and feel like shit.

Sorry. On a positive he.slept better but we are developing a 5am wakeup which he is hard to resettle from.

Mercifully he doesn't cry really at all. He just wakes up. A lot

It does get physically easier I promise. It's ridiculously hard in the early days. Just be a bit crazy. Cry, lots of self care, Kip when u can and know that it will improve. Xx

When DS1 was five weeks old, I hosted Christmas Dinner. I was determined to keep my life going. He cried all day Christmas Eve, and I was up at 5.30am on Christmas Day, peeling veg.

I look back now, and think I was totally bonkers!

DS2, I deliberately made my world smaller for 6 months or so.

Taking a step back, saying no to parties (including NYE) is absolutely and completely fine. Can you wriggle out of tomorrow? There will be plenty of parties in the future.