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Original poster

Never thought it would be this shit

159 replies

Mississippilessly · 29/12/2018 16:27

I'm currently standing on my own driveway. DH is inside watching The Chase. I am rocking our very over tired baby who has gone to sleep after a walk but keeps coming to - I know if I go inside where there is warmth and light he will really wake up.im standing here so I can use my wifi.
His night sleep is broken to say the least. 3 wake ups is great. We often wake every hr. He is 15 weeks old. I am so so tired. I am so tired of trying to figure it out. So tired of research. So tired of spending my life trying to get him to sleep. So tired of making so many decisions every day - do I try to keep him awake longer/ do I try crib or sling/do I try to carry on doing things or just give in and live for his naps.
I never imagined it would be this hard or this absurd.

OP posts:
68Anon · 29/12/2018 17:40

I feel for you. My eldest son seemed to cry constantly unless he was held, pushed in a pram or being driven around in the car. I used to spend hours at night driving him around but as soon as engine was turned off then he would cry.

A midwife put in me touch with Cry-sis...

www.cry-sis.org.uk/

They saved my sanity. I used to be afraid to shower or do anything as my son would cry if I put him down. I was advised to leave him to cry while showering and slowly extend the length of time I left him, but talk to him and gently stroke him so he knew I was there but not pick him up. It was hard, very hard and went against my natural extincts but after a week or so my son would lie quite happily without crying and more importantly, would fall asleep on his own.
I know leaving a baby cry is not for everyone and many frown upon it but I can honestly say, for me, it saved my sanity.

You have my sympathy and I really hope things improve for you. Good luck x

DoingMyBest2010 · 29/12/2018 17:40

Hi chick, I know of a woma who I would happily give her own statue. Karen Mardon, she's a HV who saved my sanity. I know she does sleep consultations over the phone. She is the absolute BEST. I will find her website and post it in a mo.

DoingMyBest2010 · 29/12/2018 17:42

www.sleepthrough.co.uk

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep
Original poster
Mississippilessly · 29/12/2018 17:43

Thank you doing!

Deepan I appreciate the advice but I dont think our babies are very similar. DS will sleep in his pram for a max of 30 minutes. He gets upset if he doesn't have a nap.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 29/12/2018 17:46

They start sleeping longer at 4/5 months

Go for a drive or a walk and leave them in the pram

Try lifting the cot up a little rather than flat - position may help

Feed them head to bed and leave DH in charge for a few hours -

It is hard and over quicker than you realize

TipseyTorvey · 29/12/2018 17:46

One thing that worked for mine was swaddle but then an extra layer with a warm (rather than hot) water bottle in another layer next to them. Then you can lift them out with the hot water bottle into the cot. Alternatively we used to just lift the whole top of the buggy into the cot and not even bother taking him out? This is (for me) the worst bit of parenting. They're so much more fun when they talk and walk - you have all my sympathy!

IRememberSoIDo · 29/12/2018 17:50

Oh god it is so hard in those early days especially the first time when you don't have your own first hand experience of knowing you will survive and it will get better. My eldest was an horrific sleeper. I tried everything and spent two years permanently exhausted. My younger was an even worse sleeper. I remember my mil telling me about how her appendix burst after the child above my dh and thinking I'd love that as it would get me a few days in hospital to sleep..... the only difference between my first and second was second time around I knew it would eventually get better and also I stopped looking at other and their babies as I nearly drove myself mad with my first wishing she would sleep like others in the baby group.

msnowtybach · 29/12/2018 17:52

I've been there, it is soul destroying.

My best advice is to sort of give in to it and go with it.

In another 15 weeks it will be completely different. Your baby might not be sleeping brilliantly, but it will be easier than it is now.

Mikepemulis · 29/12/2018 17:52

It's horrific, but you'll get there. All books and online advice about sleep are complete bollocks. The baby is still a dot and will wake/feed whenever they feel like it. It's like a war. It only gets better when you admit defeat. Sleep when you can, they'll wake in the night and avoid naps, and feed as much as you can. It does get easier, but you only see it when you look back. Everyone else's baby does what it does, it's not because they've 'learnt parenting'. You will be ace

MillionScarletRoses · 29/12/2018 18:12

Get a good quality wrap around sling like Storchenwiege. I know how you feel as my first was like that and never slept or let me put him down for a moment. A sling which is comfortable for you and doesn’t kill your back is a life saver. I have learnt (the hard way) and got a good sling first thing when I found out I was pregnant again. It was so so much easier with my subsequent babies.

Later, when the baby is heavier, you can tie them on your back and essentially carry on with your normal jobs, cooking, laundry, anything. Baby is happy as they are with their mummy, and you know they aren’t getting into anything they shouldn’t while you are trying to get some stuff done.

Also, co-sleep. Sod all the judgement, these other people aren’t trying to survive on 5 hours very broken sleep. Baby sleeps better with their Mom. You can dream feed in the middle of the night without either of you fully waking up and drift back to sleep straight after. Going by my experience, there is nothing you can do to make your baby a good sleeper. They either are or they aren’t. Mine still has trouble falling asleep and sleeping properly at almost eleven. It is just how he’s made. The only saving grace he now knows not to bother us in the night/morning unless it’s serious.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 29/12/2018 18:21

Thanks all.
He is pretty good in his chair or playmate- he goes in the sling to nap. So we wake up and I have 90mins to play with him /put a wash on/eat breakfadt/shower/dress then he had a nap in his crib. Usually lasts 30-45 mins, did once manage 80. Then I have another 90 mins and after that I will put him in the sling to try to get a better nap out of him. Then I will repeat that once more or twice if it is all too early.
I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
CuckooCuckooClock · 29/12/2018 18:25

I sympathize op
Neither of my 2 were sleepers. Up every hour through the night at least. Torture.
I just tried to go with it because I couldn't bare to leave them to cry. Mattress on the floor. fed to sleep. Rolled over. Prayed they stayed sleeping. Eventually they did I must have walked miles every day and night with the little buggers in the sling. Shit it was hard!
They grew out of it and sleep really well now. You can do it. It's awful but you will get through this. X

Polkadotdelight · 29/12/2018 18:30

Oh I've been there. Apart from mine being formula fed my DS sounds exactly the same. It was utter shite but slowly it gets better. It really, really does but you have to ride the wave (but let's face it, nobody has the energy for that so take it as a slow plod). 30 minute naps gave me no time to rest or do anything and other people's babies were doing 2 hours. Can you tell it still grates!!!! Keep plodding on.

sewinginmyfreetime · 29/12/2018 18:32

I too was shocked by how shit motherhood is for the first year or so (still amazes me now he's a toddler, why does anyone do this more than once?!), my son is wonderful but dear god he won't bloody sleep! I have severe insomnia too, so a good night is four hours sleep (broken). I am a hollow shell some days, but, BUT it does get better. You do get into a weird rhythm, even when they go through a regression or things that used to work stop working. Once you get into your groove (around the 8 month mark for me) it becomes more bearable.
I found that sleeping on his back was impossible, he just wouldn't do it, still won't, so for the first few months until he could roll and had better head control he slept on his side in the crook of my arm. Now he sleeps on his tummy with his bottom in the air. I know it is not the desired sleep position for little ones, but honestly I couldn't get him to sleep on his back (and he snores horribly if not on his tummy, I think this is what was waking him). Whatever works, just do that. I wish someone had just said that to me in the beginning, I drove myself insane trying to do things "correctly". Also, definitely keep the day naps (sleep does breed sleep, ignore anyone insane enough to suggest you keep an over tired tiny baby awake?!). All our naps were in my arms or in the sling until about a year old, then suddenly he slept lying down in our bed, and I could ninja roll away and have a cup of tea in peace (or fall asleep with him for a power nap, which is the best!). Keep going, it gets better, and one day you'll have forgotten all about it. Solidarity with you for the shitness though!

Beamur · 29/12/2018 18:35

My baby is 11 (years) now, so it's not that recent fòr me (but I will never quite forget these early months) but I do remember going to a friends house to see her new baby. DD was about 18 months old (just about sleeping through) and her baby started looking a bit tired. She picked him up, he immediately snuggled into her shoulder so she announced she was taking him upstairs for a nap. I picked up a magazine and prepared myself for a wait and she came straight back down, my jaw must have dropped open. She literally put him down, covered him with a blanket and he went to sleep. I don't think I ever got DD 'down' in less than half an hour...the first time she slept through (14 months maybe) I woke up in the morning in sheer terror as I thought there was something wrong! She's still not great at falling asleep and never has been.
OP it sounds like you're doing everything right and understand your baby well. This is just a really tough few months for sleep deprivation.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 29/12/2018 18:36

I cant tell you how much this has all helped.

My only question: why the fuck did none of you tell me this before I got knocked up?

OP posts:
Dothehappydance · 29/12/2018 18:37

OP. I promise too that it gets better. I have mostly blanked it from my memory but I did what I had to do, co-sleeping, sling, long walks in the buggy, naps in the buggy, naps on me. And crying, a lot of crying.

My DH would also leave me to sleep (I too was bf'ing) grab the sleep when you can.

You'll get there Flowers

Lightsdown · 29/12/2018 18:38

Sorry if I missed this but why are you doing naps in the sling? I ditched mine, as it was just another burden- dd slept in her buggy in the hall or her cot. The ideal scenario was a walk round the block and her falling asleep just as we got home. I parked her in the hall- unburdened !

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 29/12/2018 18:40

Op with my first I tried to do things with my second I took her lead. It was much easier not trying ti fight it. Secondly, things never ever stay the same with babies! It's a phase hang on in there

Dothehappydance · 29/12/2018 18:40

My only question: why the fuck did none of you tell me this before I got knocked up?

Rest safe in the knowledge that my first was a dream, then my 3rd happened, it is a good job she is quite cute. My punishment is worth a laugh at.

sewinginmyfreetime · 29/12/2018 18:40

I know, no-one fucking told me either. They get more fun though, toddlers are hilarious (also really trying, tantrums are just otherworldly).

JamieFraser · 29/12/2018 18:42

If I can offer you one piece of advice... there is no magic that will solve this so don't waste time trying. Rather I found eventually it's best to minimise disruption and manage to survive as best you can. Dd woke every 45 mins for months. I tried everything. Nothing worked. Eventually she started sleeping longer stretches and by the age of 2 slept through.
All I'm saying is you'll drive yourself crazy trying putting down later, feeding more, lighter sleeping bags, Heavier sleeping bags, cuddly toys, white noise etc

It does get better and you will survive.

dimsum123 · 29/12/2018 18:42

I used the E.A.S.Y routine from a book which I cant remember the name or author.

E = baby eats/feeds
A=activity/awake time, however short
S=sleep time
Y=you time (!)

It worked really well for me. I think the key was baby not sleeping immediately after a feed. It made bedtimes and nap times so much easier.

But if you can try and track down the book as I can only remember the bit I've described and it might only be suitable once your DC is slightly older.

But as everyone else has already said, it absolutely does get better. Mine are now 12 and 15 and if I can survive the baby stage anyone can including you! x

Penninepain · 29/12/2018 18:44

Oh bugger OP, i know how you feel, and i an going back 30 years!
My ds did ot sleep for more than 20 mins at a time. My next door neighbour forbade his wife from speaking to me after seeing me walking the streets with a pram at 4am in the driving snow.
I lost so much weight, i was down to just over 6 stone and when i eventually went to my GP, she told me to co-sleep(a big no-no in those days), saying she had never net a 15 year old who still co slept, so crack on with it.

We did. And went on to co sleep with ds 2 and dd1. And we slept. And we lived! And now we laugh about it. So you WILL get through it, just find the right way for you 😊

CmdrIvanova · 29/12/2018 18:44

Lightsdown my DD never napped in the buggy in her life. She screamed, then screamed louder. Awful.

OP you have reminded me of the night I had to put her in the sling, walk around and feed her all at once just to turn down the volume on the screaming. All the photos from the first year or.so of her life just show me dead-eyed. Luckily DS is a rather better sleeper. You couldn't pay me to do it again.