Never thought it would be this shit

[Mississippilessly]

I'm currently standing on my own driveway. DH is inside watching The Chase. I am rocking our very over tired baby who has gone to sleep after a walk but keeps coming to - I know if I go inside where there is warmth and light he will really wake up.im standing here so I can use my wifi.
His night sleep is broken to say the least. 3 wake ups is great. We often wake every hr. He is 15 weeks old. I am so so tired. I am so tired of trying to figure it out. So tired of research. So tired of spending my life trying to get him to sleep. So tired of making so many decisions every day - do I try to keep him awake longer/ do I try crib or sling/do I try to carry on doing things or just give in and live for his naps.
I never imagined it would be this hard or this absurd.

Oh and the poster that carried a dust buster!! I once Visited a friend..non sleeping DD was screaming and awake as usual. She cracked out her hairdryer and we had it blasting away in between us whilst I sobbed. A true friend.

Bastard sleep thiefs...

Oh those early days. It’s absolute shite, it really really is. My DD is 10 months now and you appear to have bred one exactly the same as she was! She was often referred to as Satan Spawn (and frequently I wasn’t even joking!). It was about 15 weeks in that I stopped listening to people whose babies sleep well and just did whatever was necessary to get her to sleep frequently. I feed to sleep, we cosleep, all her naps are on me (unless she’s in the car). I don’t care if I’ve made the biggest rod for my own back going, it means I get at least some sleep which is infinitely better than none. I’ve never yet managed to have any sort of schedule- she does what she wants when she wants to! If she acts tired then I feed her to sleep, if she doesn’t then I don’t. I have literally no idea what I’m doing, but I’m pretty sure whatever I do it will be wrong according to someone else so I might as well stick my fingers in my ears and carry on.

It does get better. I mean I know that doesn’t help how unimaginably shit it is right now, but it does. And then their cousin gives them the mother of all colds so it all goes to shit again. I’d love to tell you that she’s magically sleeping through the night now but that would just be a lie. She sleeps better but still not as angelic as all these unicorn babies who sleep 28 hours a day and never cry for no reason.

The one piece of advice I have is to do absolutely whatever works regardless of what anyone else has ever told you. Oh and never take sleep advice off an owner of a unicorn baby. They love a chance to be smug about their sleeping child.

Oh OP! I’m hiding under the duvetwhilst my baby snores in her cot so that I have 5 mins of peaceful mning. She won’t be in there for long so I’m off to sleep soon too.
I spent the entire summer frantically pushing baby round the park to keep her asleep.
She’s 8 months now and so much fun! She goes through patches of good sleep and patches of terrible!
Rest when you can, if you can prioritise rest over housework and make sure you eat well.

It does get better. Even a shit night and day is made better by baby laughter!

Mine used to do night time poos way begin newborn stage. Nothing more enjoyable than the toxic fumes of baby shit filling your nostrils as you try to get 10 minutes sleep.

You can 'cosleep' with baby in a Moses basket on a double bed (ideally against a wall) and you asleep on the other half of the bed. Other adults may have to sleep elsewhere during the brief periods that this is in progress.

Babies get interesting only from around 10 months when they're more interactive and sleeping better.

Oh the blessed glorious relief of the end of night time poos, at least. The night when DH lifted DD to change, and then he had to yell for my help as she had pooped again mid change and it was all over the mat, the floor, DH... and sitting there at 4.30am on the sofa in August willing the sun to rise, because being awake feels slightly less lonely and awful in the daylight... OP it will pass, you are not alone, get your DH to make.you a cuppa.

Oh and just remember- you are now well practised for the non-sleeping Olympics. All those who possess unicorn babies will be floored when said unicorn wakes every hour due to teeth, jabs, illness etc. But not you. You’re winning at this functioning on no sleep shit. You’ve been there and got so many T-shirt’s you could not wash for several weeks and still not run out. The time their child doesn’t sleep and they can’t cope is your time to shine. Well, maybe not shine, but sort of smugly hand them the coffee in the same way they dole out their sleep advice. Patronising arm pat is optional but scores bonus points.

You all deserve medals. Thank you. Thank you for not telling me that I should do x y and z. Thank you for listening. He has just gone to sleep, as good as gold and better. How long he will stay there is anyone's guess but I am off to bed. Of course I will lie there awake for at least 30 mins. Sadly DH will have to leave his birthday BJ goodbye for this year...

It really will just get better on its own. I find stressing about it doesn’t help and none of those experts have met your child. Everyone is very stressed with their first. I find it’s the second time around that I found my way of how to handle a newborn.

I can hear your exhaustion and frustration, it's obvious from your posts and I can absolutely relate to it. My DS was a terrible sleeper too. The sleep deprivation was a killer and I also found myself constantly thinking/worrying about his sleep, which was mentally exhausting and drove me a bit mad.

In our case it turned out that he had silent reflux and CMPA - we didn't work it out until much later, but looking back I think it explains why the sleep was such a battle (he always hated lying on his back). Anyway if it is reflux in your case there is a good book called "Colic Solved" and simple things like keeping upright after feeds and tilting the crib or using a wedgehog under the mattress should help.

Of course baby might just be a bad sleeper but I would always rule out medical issues first.

It won't be much consolation now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. My DS is 21 months now and sleeping so well, night and naps (touching all the wood!) that we can hardly believe it's the same child!

Oh and there is a blog and book called "Sleep is for the weak" which is very relatable and funny, it can help to laugh about the awful dark times and to realise that you're not alone.

And I remember thinking wow my baby slept through actually means she slept till a reasonably 3-4am. It makes such a difference from the previous every hour or less. Looking back now with my 7 and 4yo, I don’t know how I functioned with so little sleep.

I only had one baby but my experience is that he had to cry to fall asleep most of the time, in particular if he was out and about and had lots to look at/stimulate him but also at bedtime at the end of the day

When I worked this out, I would feed him and change home and cuddle him and just let him cry in my arms without getting upset or worrying about it too much. Just soothing and cuddling him. He would then usually fall asleep within 10-15 mins but it often felt like a really really long 10.mins as he would reallly wail and as a toddler it was sooo loud.

He rarely fell asleep without a lot of crying unless he was kept to a rigid sleep routine, which I just couldn't always keep to.

dimsum123 maybe the book was a Baby Whisperer one? I seem to remember the EASY routine, we loosely followed some sleep advice from the same book. I think dd was a bit older than the OP's baby, maybe 6 months.

Ds was like this. My only advice is to stop fighting it and try and accept how shit it is. It takes the pressure off a bit and you can stop wasting all your potential (minimal) rest time second guessing yourself.

Totally get it , unfortunately my 9 month is still like this and is up every 2 hours on average , has never slept through the night !

I think you learn to adjust to it though , I know I'm not finding it as hard anymore

Accept that this is how he is. That it wont last forever and he just needs you the most at this time. Hes not trying to make you tired or stress you out. Ive been there honestly, literally woke up between 4 and 25 times every single night until he was 15 months which is when he cut it down to around 3 to 6 times and now at almost 18 months hes cut it down to 2 -3 times a night. I breastfed excl for 10 months then with formula until he was one. I literally remember so so so so many night up till he was around 8 months where i was awake from one feed to the next because he was such a windy baby so id have to lay him on my chest upwards for 30 mins after a feed and by time id then fall back asleep hed wake up ready for a feed again. This was almost every night up til 6 months and then calmed down abit after that to 8 months. But i do remember at 8 months i made a chart of how many times he wole up after night 5 i gave up they were hitting 20 almost every night. My partner didnt help during night after the second week. In fact he fucking went to sleep on the soffa up till he was a year old. Twat. But yeah honestly i just accepted it and i do remember always telling myself he needs me and hell never need me more than he does now and the more i hold him ect the more secure as an adult hell be and the more trusting and confident hell be ect like i just repeated this to myself. On top of this he wouldnt sleep indoors during day and i remember throughout winter walking him with the buggy freezing cold in rain every day 4 times a day. And i dont want to sound like super mom or any of that shit but i can honestly say i never showed sign of frustration or anger with him. I remember crying some night after hed fall asleep because of exhaustion but i did my best i read books and play with him and took him swimming and baby sensory every week now it seems like forever ago and so glad i didnt give up on giving him what he needed because i was tired. It is shit to be tired i know but honestly you do get used to it i remember at around 14 months when he started to wake up less i was way more exhausted bexause i was so used to being up all night. Strange just hangi in there there only tiny for such a little period. You will miss it. Try and enjoy him and just accept all the crap. Your doing great. Mummies are amazing.

Hang in there, OP. You're doing fine ☺

Mother of two terrible sleepers here, albeit a long time ago now. You're right: no one tells you about how shit sleep deprivation can be or the piles

It really, really does get better although it probably seems impossible right now.

And the improvement probably won't be linear. You'll feel like babe has finally got the hang of sleeping for a couple of nights and then it will all go to pot and you'll feel like it's back to square one.

Then one day you'll realise that you're out the other side. That you can sleep for five.whole.hours . Every night! and you will weep with joy!!

The best advice as someone already said is do what works for you, whatever means you get to sleep. And please don't torture yourself comparing you or your baby to anyone else. It's all normal and you WILL get through this!

And I guarantee you'll be on here in a few months (Ok, perhaps six ) reassuring another new mum.

Take care

It does get better, although at times it feels like you're the only person going through it.
Try rocking them / pushing them to and fro in their pram/buggy. That way you can at least sit down with a cuppa.
For some reason, with mine putting the Hoover on soothed them to sleep!
My mother suggested this, as apparently she did the same with us. ( we must be weird. Lol. )
It will get better sweetheart.

A tip my sister passed onto me when my second was born, was to express in the morning and use that for a late evening feed. Feed baby earlier in the evening and go to bed, leaving baby + feed for Dad to do later. It helped enormously to have that bit of uninterrupted sleep - though, our first was the nightmare sleeper and the second a dream by comparison, so I don't know how successful a strategy it would have been had I been aware of it when the eldest was a small screaming nightmare.

As many upthread have mentioned, she slept better on her front (once she could roll, and thereafter till at least the age of 5); and as an older child and teenager still has difficulties getting to sleep, though she has mostly learned tactics to manage.

If I was near I would come and give you a cuddle and let you get a nap! Please know it gets so much better. My son woke at least 4 times a night until he was 17 months. Then went to sleeping 6.30-7pm. Then he started self soothing so bedtime took 5 minutes. Since then he has been an absolute dream, I literally can't get enough of him. Never ever thought we would get there.

Ignore all the well meaning advice/smugness from people who dont have the same problem. There is a massive difference between what people consider sleeping through and a baby that sleeps from 8 weeks old may not always sleep through, but they never tell you that! Also if people tell you their baby has sleep problems and you find out that means waking up once a night they dont have a clue the hell you've been through. My niece and nephew both drifted off to sleep during playing, my baby had to be fed in a dark room then held for the whole 39 minute nap (never slept longer than 39 minutes for a year).

Cosleeping was the best thing I ever did, sometimes he would latch on and i wouldnt even have a clue, I'd be half asleep the whole time. My friend is Danish and her baby napped outside but doesnt work so well in UK as you have to watch them the whole time and cant get a rest yourself. The other thing that helped was to stop reading the crap on sleep associations. I felt like I was doing things wrong and damaging his sleep but actually he wasnt capable of soothing himself until 20 months old (I even tried CIO in desperation but it didn't work).

Also...if your baby is light sensitive and likes the movement of the pram there is a great product called snooze shade which blocks out the light but allows air in out and doesnt get as hot as under a blanket.

It's shockingly awful with a baby that won't sleep! I had had three of the buggers! One is currently chomping on my nipple, at this time.
It really does get better though, just keep going, take all the help you can get. One day you'll just think, it's not that bad anymore.

Sympathies OP. DC1 was a sleep refuser. It was an awful time, DH worked away, no family either and every other parent I encountered at groups had a wonderful sleeper. I tried it all, walked until my dogs refused to go any further, drove miles day and night, co-slept, rocked, bounced but nothing really worked. I was so, so tired, angry and lonely. It improved slightly at 11 months after a house move, requiring new GP surgery. Went in desperation, diagnosed with severe reflux and cmpa, medication helped a little. He finally started sleeping at 2.5yrs, and now at 4 you can't shift him in the morning! I swear if I had a clue, I would never of had kids. Hang on in there, it will get better.

Oh OP! I've been where you are. I have four so was stupid enough to keep doing it. With the now 6 year old I can remember believing I'd somehow 'broken' my baby. There is a massive development leap at about 4 months that leads to lack of sleeping.
I also once fantasised about walking in front of a bus- not suicidal- just to be in an induced coma for the sleep!

It shall pass. One day you'll wake in a panic because he's slept through.... and you'll be so shocked you won't know what to do.

I feel your pain.. I have an 18 week old baby, EBF. I really do agree with above posters who've said you just have to do whatever works for you, whatever that might be (not that you always know!) I have a friend who had a baby shortly after me. During our pregnancies we had very similar 'plans' about how to do stuff. After the babies were born it all went out the window of course. I breastfeed, she formula feeds, I have virtually no routine whereas she's been very regimented from the start. Certain things she said or did would make me feel like I was doing it 'wrong'. No doubt she felt the same at times. Ultimately I've had to stop comparing because we're different, our babies are different, and at the end of the day we're all just out here trying to survive at 3am. No advice to give but I stand in solidarity with you!!