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Original poster

if you're happily married, did you 'Know' from the first date?

101 replies

MyHandHeldHoover · 29/12/2018 13:59

I'm 32 and finding dating really hard. I've met some lovely men and maybe given it three months but nothing's ever stuck.

Am I better being totally ruthless and saying one date only? It sounds stupid but fuck me, these holidays have been hard. I'm the only single one out of all my friends, and they'll are getting engaged and married and pregnant.

OP posts:

Original poster

MyHandHeldHoover · 29/12/2018 16:29

I don't know, the consensus seems to be that you do seem to know! Bugger. Maybe this'll be the year.

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 29/12/2018 16:30

Sorry should also say we met online, POF.

MissWilmottsGhost · 29/12/2018 16:30

I think your list is good except for the last one. How do you expect no awkwardness at all when you have only just met? I'd known DH as just friends for a year and it was still a bit awkward as we shifted from mates to lovers.

Also the fact I knew him for a year and thought he was only friendship material answers your OP too. No, I had no idea. I thought he was a lovely chap but not my type at all. Finding it a bit sad he was single, I spent some time trying to fix him up with a female friend, but she said he was too short. I thought "is she nuts? He's much taller than her, and anyway he's cute, funny, reliable, hard working, but oh no he's not tall enough.........and hes got a really nice arse......hmmm........oh fuck how did I miss that? "

SilverySurfer · 29/12/2018 16:33

My friend and her husband did. She responded to his ad in the lonely hearts column of local paper. they met on the Thursday, he moved in on the Sunday, married very shortly thereafter and celebrated their 24th anniversary this year.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/12/2018 16:33

@Fairylea that’s where I met DH too! The PoF site not the coffee shop 😂

Fairylea · 29/12/2018 16:37

@DartmoorDoughnut

Oblomov18 · 29/12/2018 16:46

Yes. I knew. Because we'd already talked and talked and I knew he had all the qualities that were important to me.

Oblomov18 · 29/12/2018 16:48

Actually. Correct that, I knew as soon as I met him. He says he did too. We talked, and then had our first date very quickly.

fussychica · 29/12/2018 17:00

Nah. We were only 16. Married at 22 after a slight hiccup at 18. Celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary in May. Very lucky.

thetwinkletoescollective · 29/12/2018 17:09

The first time I met dh I was in the toilets praying to God 'please let him be the one'.

In the interim period between that meeting and the next one (before I knew that I was ever going to see him again) I was praying' God - why did you let me meet him. No one else is ever going to match up'!!

I am a Christian and so I do believe that ours was a match made in heaven BUT its also been a marriage that has been full of ups and downs and definitely not a fairy tale.

Wallywobbles · 29/12/2018 17:27

Yup. Both mid 40s at the time. Only ever had one brief moment when I had a doubt. Can't remember now what he said.

It was instantly comfortable and simple. Despite both having massively complicated lives with kids and nightmare exs. I was doing the freedom program at the time and asked him some very odd questions over the first few weeks!

BlueBrush · 29/12/2018 17:51

I think your list is good except for the last one. How do you expect no awkwardness at all when you have only just met?

Yes, totally agree. First date conversation was definitely awkward. I thought DH was much more serious than he actually is, because he was so nervous. But I would take politely nervous over brashly self-confident any day! OP, agree that your list is good (polite to staff is a good one) but don't judge the awkwardness of the situation too harshly. (I suspect you dont - it sounds like you know what you're doing. You just need to hang in there!)

Twickerhun · 29/12/2018 17:56

I knew when we chatted online before we met. By date 3 we were both convinced.

I used to have a three date rule when meeting people - if they weren’t right by date three we didn’t meet again. I never dropped someone after just one date as I didn’t think it was long enough to get to know them (although I was dumped after just one date a couple of times).

Yabbers · 29/12/2018 20:06

Pretty much. Internet dating site, met for coffee at 11am, finally parted at 11pm. The only thing that put me off was how tall he was. I told him that I didn't know if I'd see him again and he said "ach ye will"

19 years together, 12 years married.

RockinRobinTweets · 29/12/2018 20:08

Not the first date but i was besotted very very quickly. I’m sure at a point it was lust but it certainly grew into love.

For me ‘when you know, you know’ definitely applied to me.

Don’t settle OP

Kintan · 29/12/2018 20:13

We met at a wedding and joked there and then about getting married ourselves. One year later we did :)

Ifangyow · 29/12/2018 20:20

Yes. Got engaged the following day ( 2nd date was ring shopping ).
Married 3 months later. We were both just turned 18.
Been married 36 years now with two kids and three grandkids.
He's still the love of my life. 😍

eggsandwich · 29/12/2018 20:29

Yes for me it was love at first site, he says for him it was lust at first site

I use to say to my mum how did you know that dad was the one, she said she couldn’t explain it but she just knew.

When I met my dh I knew exactly what she meant it was a strong feeling that he was the one and I would marry him one day, 23 years and 2 teenagers later I’m still in love with him.

Dizzylin · 29/12/2018 20:30

Yes. We met online, chatted for a while but are both quite shy. I eventually asked to meet. The first time I laid eyes on him I knew we'd spend the rest of our lives together.

We've been together 15 years, it's not always hearts and flowers but I wouldn't be without him for a second.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 29/12/2018 20:30

No definitely not. Even after 6 months I never saw it as long term (but I was only 16 so that's natural imo) We split up for a time when I was in my late teens and didn't marry until we'd been together 10 years. We were and still are best friends. That's more important than some initial rush of hormones and horniness.

In honest and full disclosure though my parents met and married within 6 weeks and had a shit marriage so I'm very wary of all that love at first sight, instant 'the one' stuff. If it works, excellent but sometimes it's bull.

NorthEndGal · 29/12/2018 20:35

It was lust at first sight, for sure, but also a super strange "aha" moment after our first kiss. I asked if he wanted to get old and fat and ugly with me, and he laughed and said yes. We were saying I love you within weeks. We have been married 20 years, still in lust, and in love.

ProfYaffle · 29/12/2018 20:36

I knew I liked him a lot but we were long distance so I assumed the practicalities wouldn't work and treated it as a short term thing.

In the end I moved to his part of the country after 6 months. It'll be 19 years in January.

It did feel different from the off though, as others have said, like coming home.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 29/12/2018 20:36

Not exactly. We had been friends for a while first and then went on a date and fireworks! He's still the best chance I ever took.

dudsville · 29/12/2018 20:42

I knew I'd been on the best date of my life. I'd had more fun, the conversation was exhilarating and non stop, literally hard to bring to a close. I wasn't ready to settle down so we didn't get together for ages. Thankfully he waited. Don't rush. Don't settle. But don't wait for the dream or the perfect person. If you feel love give it a try.

Original poster

MyHandHeldHoover · 29/12/2018 21:02

In my defence, I did say 'not too much awkwardness'.

These are lovely stories. I really hope I'm as happy as some of you eventually.

Don't rush. Don't settle. But don't wait for the dream or the perfect person. If you feel love give it a try.

But say you've been seeing someone for 3 months-ish, they are perfectly nice, in that you don't dislike them and they 'tick all the boxes' but you don't particularly want to go away a weekend with them, because the initial awkwardness hasn't gone away any?

That's what keeps happening to me and I usually cut it at that point because I don't think having sex or getting any more serious will help.

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