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Original poster

if you're happily married, did you 'Know' from the first date?

101 replies

MyHandHeldHoover · 29/12/2018 13:59

I'm 32 and finding dating really hard. I've met some lovely men and maybe given it three months but nothing's ever stuck.

Am I better being totally ruthless and saying one date only? It sounds stupid but fuck me, these holidays have been hard. I'm the only single one out of all my friends, and they'll are getting engaged and married and pregnant.

OP posts:
dontneedthedrama · 29/12/2018 14:09

No I didn't in fact we broke up a couple of times in the early days . It took a while before we fell in love but been together 20 + years now . As much as he drives me mad at times I definitely couldn't be without him.
I would say there is no relationship fits all some know immediately some work hard to make it work .

dontneedthedrama · 29/12/2018 14:10

Also I know a couple of people who have had children and married over 40 so never settle.

maras2 · 29/12/2018 14:20

Fell head over heels in September 1968.
Married in 1975.
2 kids
3 grandkids.
We're both recently retired and still living and loving.
Shit. That sounds smug Xmas Blush
I suppose we're just very lucky.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 29/12/2018 14:26

Yes I knew from the first date. Being in his arms I had the feeling of the future telescoping into that moment and that I had come home. Sounds soppy and dramatic, I'm not usually like that. I'm a cynical bastard. I'm still with him after 21 years.

Original poster
MyHandHeldHoover · 29/12/2018 14:28

How long do you think it does take to 'know' then?

Three months seems the perfect time to break it off before it all gets messy.

OP posts:
Liskee · 29/12/2018 14:31

I 'knew'. It took me one date to know he was going to be important and 3 weeks to decide he was the man I was going to marry. Took him a bit longer to catch up mind!

For what it's worth I didn't think I'd ever settle and have children. I never seemed to meet anyone I clicked with. But we met when I had literally just turned 35, we had DS1 when I was 37, DS2 a few weeks before I turned 38 and got married a few months before I turned 40. Going to be 7 years together this year and I can't imagine it being any other way.

Badadadum · 29/12/2018 14:31

We got engaged almost immediately - 2 weeks after first date - it was my first successful relationship - I had a bad habit of dating unsuitable men - dh had quite a few relationships before me. We've been happily married for 20 years now.

elasticfantastic · 29/12/2018 14:34

Yes I knew. We met on a dating website, when we met in person I just knew. I'd been single for about 5 years, never interested in having. Bf for the sake of it, was happy being single. Agreed to joining a dating site to get match making friends off my back!
I never thought it would happen to me. I was 30, owned my own home, good career, never believed in meeting the one... and then I did and it knocked me off my feet! I knew on the first date. Still head over heels 12 years later Grin

LunaTheCat · 29/12/2018 14:34

I knew the first time I met him - fortunately for me he did too! It was my late 30’s though.
I have met plenty people in very satisfying relationships where it was slow growth from friendship to love.
Being single In your mid to late 30’s is a pisser though - I went to plenty hens doos and weddings and cried myself to sleep afterwards.
You have to be kind to yourself , don’t settle for crap men because you panic.💐

Dogsmellssobadbob · 29/12/2018 14:34

The first night we met we were both quite drunk and out with friends.
But I’d say within a few chats on phone and couple of dates I knew he was a keeper.
I was young so didn’t think about marriage but he stood out as having morals and ambitions that matched mine and was just clearly a really decent guy. And I fancied him rotten.
It was a very different feeling to previous boyfriends but it’s hard to describe.

So yes I guess I knew.
24 years later I have never ever doubted my decision. He’s the nicest man alive and I couldn’t be happier.

Alanamackree · 29/12/2018 14:35

I knew. Being near him felt like coming home. By the fourth date the third date was awful I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I was the least starry-eyed person you could ever meet, completely unromantic and extremely skeptical about relationships and men. I had no interest in commitment and settling.
We’ve had our ups and downs and he’s not perfect fortunately because neither am I but I genuinely think we belong together.

WhirlwindHugs · 29/12/2018 14:44

No, it took 6 months to know, sorry. Together 12 years.

I think a lot of that depends on what kind of person you are and who would suit you as to how long it takes.

I am never going to have love at first sight because it takes me a long time to really trust anyone. And you can't love someone you don't trust.

Is that you? Do you think an average 30ish year old potential partner for you would know straight away?

mountainlakes · 29/12/2018 14:44

I knew on our second date. He took longer. I didn't tell him that I knew we were going to get married on our second date until much later. I just felt an instant connection to him. It was just luck that we met as I didn't want to go out that night. We were both really drunk and just had so much to talk about. Also he was the best looking bloke at the bar!! We've been together 22 years. We grew up together. We've had some really bad times but he's still the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last person I want to see when I go to sleep.(when Harry met Sally, but it's true, unless he's annoyed me!) He is the only person I trust.

BadlyAgedMemes · 29/12/2018 14:46

Not really. We were friends, or friends of a friend really, first, and hung out together for a while before starting to go out. I "knew" as soon as we got together romantically, though.

missyB1 · 29/12/2018 14:50

Gosh no! I mean we got on well and had a lot in common but we both came with a lot of baggage. The first year was very up and down with a 2 month break up.
We have now been happily married for 10 years. I’m so glad we worked through the hard stuff at the start.

LeonoraFlorence · 29/12/2018 14:52

Yes, I knew. Could see our future stretch out in front of us. He was making us a coffee and breakfast in my kitchen and I just knew.

LeonoraFlorence · 29/12/2018 14:53

It sounds cheesy but it felt like home being with him Blush.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 29/12/2018 14:56

I wouldn’t say I knew we’d get married etc but I definitely knew he was different. We got serious after three or four dates and I’ve never had a single doubt about him.

There’s never been any game playing, I never thought I should play it cool or something, I felt I could be totally honest with him straight away.

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 29/12/2018 15:00

we met online - honestly, from seeing his profile I felt I knew him and i just knew he was the one.

RomanyRoots · 29/12/2018 15:01

It was love at first sight for both of us, match made in heaven and soul mates.
Together 30 years married for 26

Westwing1 · 29/12/2018 15:04

We married 6 months after meeting (in our early 30's) so pretty quick. But certainly couldn't have said much after just one date. I think taking a couple of months is sensible before moving on if it doesn't feel right. One date seems too extreme. You are right to be picky and absolutely don't settle. Keep busy, accept invitations and best of luck.

FestiveNut · 29/12/2018 15:04

Definitely fell for him pretty damn hard. Whether I would have with someone else, I don't know. There were some wobbly moments after six months or so but we got through them and I wouldn't swap him.

Angie169 · 29/12/2018 15:07

We were introduced by a mutual friend but only by accident ( we all worked in the pub trade and friend wanted bar manager & staff ) the 1st shift was made busy due to it been derby day , ground is only 10 min walk from the pub . We had not been able to talk but worked around each other with ease .
Went out for a beer two days later , 1st pub we went to had no Mild on , next pub had police helping some customers out of the pub , 3rd pub was so busy after 15 mins we still had not been served. Ended up going home stone cold sober at about midnight. I thought if we can get through this and still have a great laugh he is the one.
He moved into my house 2 months later we got married 6 months later. Very happy for 18 years. Sadly DH died last year , grab the opportunity when you can.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/12/2018 15:07

Yes I knew, phoned my DM after our first date and told her I’d just met her future son-in-law, she told me not to be so daft and to calm down 😂 I was right mind you, been together for 10 years and married for 7 and a half

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 29/12/2018 15:08

Yes, we both did. We have been together 20+yrs.

That said, over the years things have been very difficult. We have both done things we regret and we have had various other difficulties along the way. It has not been plain sailing, hearts and flowers. We have worked at it and continue to do so. I do think there is a lot of casual LTB thrown around in here (obviously some well deserved too) and that often some relationships fail because people expect perfection and 100% concordance, 100% of the time. Life isn’t like that. You are married to an independent individual, they will say things you think are wrong or stupid. You will say things they think are wrong or stupid. The romantic idea of The One has a lot to answer for.