Could someone please explain what a narcissistic person is like in real life?

[3hoursaway]

I'm not sure I fully understand and I see it said on here quite often

@wild yes. I got engaged, I'd had an argument with his ex about something and nothing.
First thing she said was 'oh does the ex know'
No congrats anything
Then hated him as she had to compete
Then was vile when i was pregnant, utterly bullying and vile
Hated the baby but he became golden once scapegoat was born
Was very comforting during divorce feeding off my suffering and joyful i had failed
Then i was too mentally ill and ungrateful
She then bullied my sister so much, threatened to take custody of her son, so she attempted suicide
She played the model parent, got her admitted then when it was clear they knew she was a bully started to convince staff she was a faking druggie and needed to be discharged.
Utterly horrible woman with no conscience, would steal from her own.
When dealing with a narc you need to realise none of the emotions they show you are real. The crocodile tears, theeats of suicide, depression, joy at something like a celebration, are all fake. They mask bitter inadequacy.
Whomever said once you see it you cant unsee it was spot on. You wonder why others are so blind.
6mths no contact and its much calmer. However Ive been banned from contacting mutual friends or family under the threat of ruining my life. Her nastiness is such she is capable. But its a small price to pay for being left alone

My grandmother is a narcissist.

1. Never has a positive word to say about anyone/anything. You can spend an entire day with her, and she will only have negative things to say. The only exception to this is when she is pitting you against someone else. She did this with all of her children, and she does it with her grandchildren.

1. Only ever talking about herself, her achievements, how hard her life has been, how much she overcame, how hard she has worked etc. She might ask you, for example, how work is going, but she doesn't actually want to know. If you say, "good", the conversation ends there and turns back to her. If you say, "Yeah, busy but good", you get told "Oh well, you're only young, and everyone's busy".

1. Martyrdom. She constantly talks about how much she has done for other people. She is constantly seeking praise for it, but will say she "doesn't want an award; she did it out of good grace".

1. Falls out with everyone. All of her current friends have been in her life for less than 5 years. All of the ones who were around before that have been cut off by her. She has fallen out with well over half of her family. She has no contact with either of her daughters, and only has contact with 2/3 granddaughters. She fell out with both of her brothers' families after their deaths. In both instances, this was because she felt they weren't grateful enough for what she had done for their brothers (not that they ever asked her to invite herself into their lives after being absent for so many years prior).

1. Cannot be criticised. When she told me I had "bitterly disappointed her" by changing from Law to Business, she insisted that we go to a counsellor together. When we got there, she blatantly told the psychologist that she was "too old to be psychoanalysed".

1. Never apologises. She could run you over with her car and then reverse back over you and she will still not utter so much as a "sorry". Instead, she would find a way to ensure you were in the wrong in that situation.

1. Money and image oriented. I cannot overstate how focused she is on money. When we had our last big falling out, she sent me a diatribe email at 2am talking about how she spent $2,000 on a concrete slab for my dad's garage. My dad died when I was 9 months old and the garage was put in before I was born. She never, ever gives without strings attached. There is no such thing as a gift with her.

1. Openly stated she was disappointed her most recent great grandchild was a boy as she'd only had girls prior and that her friends were envious of her only having granddaughters. Obvious tosh, but she believes it.

1. Lacking moral scruples. She and her last husband carried on a 30 year affair behind his wife's back. They didn't "officially" get together until his wife was in the ground (not cold yet), but she even says now, "Oh, he chose me 30 years ago".

10. Manipulative.

11. Critical of every decision made by anyone else. She recently questioned how I could "justify" going on two trips. One was domestic, one is to the country my mother is from - I have only been twice in my life, which means I have little relationship with her family. This is despite the fact that I work full-time in a professional job, and that I have very few relative outgoings (no children, for example). When I was a baby, she fell out with my mum because my mum dared to buy a car with airconditioning in it (we live in Australia).

I still have contact with my grandmother, because it makes my life easier. But it's limited and it's now on my terms. I contact her and see her when I want to; not out of fear of what she may do if I don't. The more contact you have with her, the more parasitic she is. I might call her once a week and see her a handful of times a year (in a group situation). I won't tolerate her nonsense anymore. She ruined the lives of her children, and I won't allow her to do the same to me.

She never, ever gives without strings attached. There is no such thing as a gift with her
This is because narcs own everything and everyone.
I was vought a waahing machine when mine broke at a v difficult time financially. Next day she turned up first thing with a huge bag of washing-'well you cant refuse seeing as I bought it for you' accompanied by tinkly laugh. I gave her the money back that day.
Gave sis old car. Expected lifts everywherw.
Offers to babysit=has to sleep over afterwards then wont go home for 3 days.
Also EVERYONE has to know how much they helped you and how much they bought, ie how much money they have and how successful they are.

I can tick off almost every one of these to some degree, sadly.

The poster who describes it as a person who thinks that when they exit the room the other people in it cease to exist has it bang on for me. I used to say he thought his life was The Truman Show.

I think my FIL is one. After these last few days I'm almost certain.

.

Tiring, exhausting, so we are NC with her.