Where children really better behaved in the past or do people remember with rose tinted glasses?

[username5555]

This is inspired by a video online whereby a toddler was having a massive tantrum on a 8 hour flight.
A lot of the comments underneath basically were how terrible a parent the mother was and how in their day the child wouldn't have dared behave like that.
What is the alleged difference? What are we not doing that we did then? Or do people only remember the good parts and forget their children also behaved like that.
I personally as a mother of a toddler found the comments awful. I suspect the mother was not having the time of her life either.

I had 90s kids we took them out on holidays some people seem to think taking toddlers outside is a recent thing

I remember as a child being too scared to misbehave when out (ie show my mother up) as I knew there would be consequences when we got home. So basically my good behaviour was driven by fear. I’d rather children being more unruly than behaving because of fear.

But isn't that how life works?

You behave yourself in life for fear of consequences.

You don't misbehave at work or be unruly or you'll be sacked. You behave as you are expected according to the role or the consequences are bad.

In relationships you don't hopefully take the other for granted, use them, call them names, etc for fear of consequences... Being left.

That's how life works.

If they are not even learning these lessons in school and telling off results in parent complaints then exactly when are they going to learn that you behave yourself or else there are consequences.

I think parents have changed massively - a lot more parents can’t be arsed, and the consequences today of crap parenting are worse. You just need to see on here how many parents aren’t capable of turning off the PlayStation or saying no.

And also: hear hooves, think horses, not zebras. There may be many reasons why that kid with the trainers was kicking off, but the law of probability means that most likely he was being an annoying little toerag.

I do think children with mild spectrum disorders are much worse off in this new culture. There is far more change to deal with, and far greater expectation to be fab, new and exciting, far less consistency.

I agree totally Yorkshire.

I also think reasoning with children is far too much to expect - they simply dont have the brain maturity a lot of the time.

I don't suppose many kids would have had to endure an 8 hour flight in the past.

In relationships you don't hopefully take the other for granted, use them, call them names, etc for fear of consequences... Being left.

Is the only reason that you're nice to your partner really because they'd leave? You don't have any intrinsic desire to be kind to them? That's really sad.

Ah yes trying to reason with an 8 year old once they have switched off and glazed over is just a waste of words imo

@AnnaMagnani much of my childhood was spent in a pub snug or pub garden. I clearly remember trying to find my Mum at the bar area aged about 4 and getting shoved out by a man who told me firmly if I dared set foot in there again I would get a "clip round the ear"

My dad was born in '46 and his behaviour at grammar school would have got children today expelled and more than likely arrested but it was just seen as boys being boys back then.

I don't think children were necessarily better behaved in the past, just more swiftly and effectively disciplined. A smack or the threat of a smack, rightly or wrongly, did tend to nip things in the bud a bit. And children were not given agency to have outspoken opinions or to say 'no' and have that respected or even taken into consideration in the way there are now. That is both a good and a bad thing. Parents have lost authority. Or at least it's harder to have it without resorting to parenting methods that are unfashionable and considered too harsh now.

In the past things were perhaps too draconian and bordering on potentially abusive. These days the pendulum seems to have swung too far the other way and as with many things, it seems to be a struggle to find the right balance.

Oh for a time where we can get it right - just enough and never too much or too little.

I've seen parents of young children being run ragged and brought to tears trying to negotiate with a despotic three year old, when in the past things would have been brought to a head much more quickly and effectively, but by means now frowned upon.

@Notso we used to drive 10 miles out of town to the only pub that let us in! I can still remember it

I was born in the fifties, and corporal punishment was normal, both at home and at school. Tantrumming was just as common, I can remember my sister screaming all down the street as I was being taken to school. I do think that people were much more bothered what other people thought, and there was input from other people, it was considered normal for shopkeepers, bus conductors, anyone around to tell children off who were behaving badly. I also agree that children were not included in big decisions, they had to fit in with the family, not the other way around.

Toddler tantrums are IMO an entirely different thing from general rudeness or bad behaviour.

Not long ago someone wrote a book called 'French Children Don't Throw Food'.

Er, perhaps that's because French parents don't allow them to!

I do think things have changed, certainly from my own childhood. My parents weren't particularly strict at all, and we were rarely smacked, but we had to do as we were told, since we knew there would be consequences otherwise. As for saying, 'No!' to a parent, or any adult come to that, when asked or told to do something, we'd never have dared. Ditto to any outright rudeness. I won't say we never sulked, though!

Over the years, including from my own generation, I've seen so many parents making threats which they never carry out. All the child has to do is scream, roar, abuse/hit the parent, or just generally strop long enough, for the parent to cave in.
And then they shrug helplessly, with that 'What can you do?' eye roll, and wonder why they have so little control.
Infuriating to witness - I've often had to bite my tongue.

I have to say that my Singaporean sister in law has always been far stricter with her children, than even my own parents ever were. Rudeness/disobedience is simply not tolerated. I think she's rather more extreme than most parents, but in general I gather that children in Singapore are considerably more strictly disciplined than here.

I was born in 1975, my pate ya were young and of the opinion a child was t going to change their life!
We went out to restaurants frequently, we went on holiday on aeroplanes & we spent quite a bit of time in pub gardens! My parents never hit us but they were strict, my brother & I knew how we were expected to behave & we did

At the risk of sounding prehistoric, we had a TV and radio and record-player but no computers (obvs), no other 'tech' of any description (unless you count an Etch-a-Sketch ). We didn't even have a phone all to ourselves, we shared a party line with a neighbour. You watched what was on a TV or you missed it.

We read a lot as kids, we played out - nobody knew where we were and there were no phones to keep in touch with parents.

Going to the local cinema was a massive treat and a meal at the Chinese restaurant even more so, and very rare. Tea at home (evening meal) was whatever Mum was cooking that night. There was no choice.

As an adult I feel completely frazzled, often to the point of distress, by the bombardment of stimuli coming at me constantly from all directions. I'm actually incredibly grateful that I had this quiet, secure and yes, boring upbringing in which I could just be a child.

It's also harder to get your children to behave when there are other children running around a restaurant for example.

It’s interesting then that if all these generations of people who were parented in ways that meant “better behaviour” then went on to become parents themselves that don’t have the same expectations/ say no/ discipline/ smack etc.

Expectations have changed for the worst.

I saw someone comment on here a few weeks ago that there is no such as a naughty child. Righto

People also twat on about wanting to be their child's "friend" (or - even worse - "best friend"). You aren't your child's friend, you are their parent.

I completely agree Utterly

@Fuckyousanta

I am one of those who feel that there is no such thing as a naughty child. It's a horrible judgemental word and ignores the reason behind a child's behaviour.

Being a good parent sometimes means making yourself unpopular with your children.

I think Jordan B. Peterson said 'Don't allow your children to do anything that will make you dislike them.'

Wise words indeed. Easier said than done, but something to strive towards, anyway.

We were talking about this at work the other day.
I work with kids that need support.
Years ago it was quite an easy job. We always had kids that were a handful but we are getting more and more cases where the kids are boarding on feral. We never used to be assaulted, our building was never smashed up or the kids going missing for so long. Children never used to attack the police officers and just swear at us when we set the ground rules for out place.
I have to say it's not all children and it's not every shift but it's now not unusual were as even 5-8 Years ago it woukd be a shock to go into work and deal with this.
Parents are normally to blame with the ' they cant make you' attitude that they say to their kids.
In fact every child on my caseload , it's the parents fault that they come to us either through their neglect, drug abuse, criminal activity etc.

If you ban the word naughty how are you supposed to teach right from wrong?