Anyone else decide not to do the whole "Santa" thing?

[NowImFound]

Just that really!

DH and I don't want to bring up our DC thinking that there's a "Santa Claus."

DMIL thinks I am awful!
It isn't really heard of either, is it?
So I thought I'd come on over to MN and see whether there's anyone else not doing the whole "Santa" thing.

We aren't scrooges, I promise! I love Christmas - just not "Santa."

I'd be quite worried about any child that hadn't worked it out by reception age. Families have such different approaches for a start - if Jane's presents all come from Father Christmas but only Johnny's stocking does, they'd have to be spectacularly incurious not to question it.

Personally, I've gone with a low key coverage of Santa with little children, but immedediately they start asking questions (about 5) I haven't been prepared to lie - have been a hit vague for perhaps a year, but have answered any direct questions with a direct answer, or made a judgement about if they are really asking and asked them if they really want to know, but then told them if they did. DC had basically worked it out on practical grounds at 6 and had chatted with friends about it and worked it out. At just over 7 asked the direct question and I asked if they really wanted to know, to which they said yes, so I gently told them. Like most kids, they were both a bit smug at having worked it out, plus a bit disappointed it wasn't really real, but not surprised.....and life moved on. Most older children remember fondly believing in it, but don't dwell on it too much and don't see the end of belief as a disaster, especially if they are able to stop believing when it's right for them.....and don't have to go through an elaborate charade of believing to satisfy parents.

There can be plenty of magic in childhood without Father Christmas. We have many magical traditions, just none of them involve him.

As for telling the secret, I explained to my kids when they asked that he was part of other people's holidays but not ours. I never said anything about him being real or fake, just that he isn't part of our holidays. I'd considered more complicated explanations but stuck with that simple answer. I also modeled what to say to people when asked as best I could though for the last week or so, I've had to rein in my 7-year-old who keeps snapping when people ask him about Christmas because he's so far beyond done with it after having been asked about it for well over a month now.

I know many kids love Christmas magic including Father Chrismas, but there are also plenty of kids (myself included as a child who had a mother who was very much into Christmas and Santa being real and all that) who think it's a noisy, overwhelming and very stressful time of year and don't get as much out of the magic as the adults talking about it like to suggest. I think each parent has to find for each child a way to bring joy to childhood and telling others that not following one path is a 'shame' really dismisses the great different ways families do that.

Most classes will already have children who don't do Santa because there will be at least one family who don't do it for cultural/religious reasons. I teach a mixed ks1 class with a high proportion of Muslim children who dont do Christmas at all and it doesnt make a jot of difference, they all just get on with it.There are also more religious Christian families who choose not to do Santa and have a more religious Christmas. They enjoy it and look forward to it all the same.

Do what you like OP. Your children will enjoy it either way.

Dh didn't want to do Santa. But dd1 goes to nursery and last year she was almost three so started to pick up on it. It is such a nice thing dh went along withit. We don't make a huge fuss over it and won't be leaving out a mince pie etc unless she asks to. We have seen Santas and she knows he brings a couple of presents as his sleigh can't fit all the presents for all the children!

This thread has to be a troll? An op insisting that finding out the the truth re the myth of Santa has devasted her child and in a second drip feed insisting this new found fervour for the ‘truth’ to protect her child is due to the Christian story of God? Come on. It’s a wind up!!!

I'm an ex-Christian (born again and everything). Personally I am totally ok with being an evolved fish. I don't need God for my life to have meaning.

”Because he has discovered that Santa isn't actually real, like all kids do eventually!”

He’ll quite possibly discover that God isn’t actually really eventually as well, you know.

What’s wrong with being evolved from fish, as science proves we and every living creature are?

Ive never understood the stress of Father Christmas. Every family does Christmas thier own way. To some families FC fills the stockings only, the next family he brings 1 gift and another family every single gift.

As a child I recall wondering why everyone did it different but don't recall being upset by it. Likewise I just gradually realised FC wasn't real. There was no serious sit down talk where some devastating news was broken to me. It was a really gradual process worked out myself throug playground chatter and my own observations. I recall being 11 and being certain it wasn't real. That may sound old by todays standards but I was still happily playing with Lego and my Sindy dolls at that age.

My 3 DC all now late teens and early 20s just kind of worked it out for themselves. Ive just asked my 17 and 20yo when and how did they realise/find out about FC not being real. After being reprimanded for saying such a thing they both just shrugged and said not sure somewhere around 8 to.10 they just worked it out a bit like I did.
I dont see it as lieing to my children but always saw it as acting out a myth. I recall the absolute magic of seeing FC in Debenhams when was 4 or 5 which involved getting on the "Train" to the North Pole and being amongst lots of awesome glittery stuff (it was the 1970s). I felt so tingly with excrement and have never quite felt it since. My kids still love the magic. They leave me FC a glass of Baileys out on Xmas eve. That do realise FC isn't real and lead normal live unaffected of the "lies" and myth i led them to believe. They like me just have fond feelings of how magical it was to believe that and act out age old traditions.
We are a Christian family too. We always attend church and our church always put on FC related events for the children as well as the nativity/Christmas story etc. I dont understand why you cant be a Christian and do FC as well. There is room for both.

Its your choice how you bring up your children. It is very sad that your son has been so emotionally damaged by the FC aspect of christmas , its not something ive ever heard of or experienced myself, but must be awful for you and your son. Did he find out in a rather traumatic way? I'm guessing it was no gradual realisation being that he has been so negatively impacted. On reflection I can understand if one child has been so damaged by the FC aspect of christmas why you wouldn't want to risk that happening to other younger siblings.

Have a lovely christmas however you choose to celebrate.

We don’t do Santa and I now have adult children who are happy we didn’t do Santa and plan to raise their own children Santa-free too.
People often say they lose their Christmas magic when they either find out about Santa or are told. They fail to realise if they never do Santa their child never loses the magic and Christmas remains as magical forever.
And I’ve never worried about my child “spoiling” things for others. They know other people believe diffierent things and that’s okay- this applies to many things and not just Santa.

I'm finding the piss taking about OP believing in God a bit odd.

You know there is a slight possibility God exists - we really have no real idea what happens after death. You might not believe but you don't have Absolute evidence to disprove it.

There is NO possibility Santa exists. Every single one of us knows for a fact that we, as parents, provide the presents and put them under the tree.

The two beliefs aren't comparable (I also suspect you wouldn't take the piss to quite the same level if OP had stated she was a Muslim, Hindu or Jewish ...)

* tingly with EXCITEMENT not excrement!!

Loved the autocorrect!

We have never done Santa. We have talked about St. Nicholas.
We are Christian so Christmas has plenty of awe and 'magic' for us.

Aw poor kid.

Tingly with excrement ..... snort!

That’s a whole other level of excitement!

I rarely hold a strong anti opinion. But I think this is bloody cruel if I'm honest. Let poor little children have a dream for goodness sake. Childhood is the only innocent and magical time a person ever gets. Why in this day in age have we got to be so pyscho-analytical and politically correct about everything to do with raising children. Well my parents 'lied' to me about santa. I have nothing but beautiful magical memories of anticipation of him arriving. Many things have scarred me. But not that. I'm sorry but I think you're bloody cruel

Santa is based on a real person afaik, so actually existed. Not sure about other mythical figures.

”You know there is a slight possibility God exists - we really have no real idea what happens after death. You might not believe but you don't have Absolute evidence to disprove it.

There is NO possibility Santa exists. Every single one of us knows for a fact that we, as parents, provide the presents and put them under the tree.”

When it comes to science, it is not necessary to disprove things! Do you not see the slightest irony in the OP refusing to tell her child that a fictitious magical man who does good things exists on the basis of a “slight possibility” a different one does exist?

It’s certainly odd that a childhood belief in Santa has “hindered” your son OP. That’s extremely unusual.

It’s not my responsibility to help you keep up the lies which you decide to tell your children. Santa ISN’T real, there’s no difference of belief etc as with religion. So if my child tells yours the truth, then I’m sorry but that’s your problem to deal with not mine. The lengths some parents go to to convince their children he’s real is ridiculous.
Also: magic is not making stuff up and then insisting it’s real.

We didn’t really do FC when the DC were small. Our eldest found the whole thing scary and unnerving. Particularly the idea that soimeone came in the house whilst you were asleep.

So we said we would do the stockings and ask FC not to come to our house. DS was happy with that.

I just left it that every family does Christmas differently.

I just heard an interesting program on radio 4 about santa being invented by Coca cola and America ect. It talked about the norse traditions and st Nicholas and christian beliefs ect about Christmas.

It really is ok not to push Santa on your children, but its also ok to go along with it too! each to their own, but there is still magic and spirituality without the red coated cola man

@willow. I read thar with interest. I work with a lot of Muslims, Hindu, and other races and religions from non Christian/uk backgrounds and most if not all of them love seeing the Christmas deccys/lights up in our place of work and acknowledge father Christmas and present giving for their children. Even if they don't fully believe in it. Perhaps I'm just skewed in my experience. Or perhaps the Muslims/Hindus I work with are too polite to say otherwise. But there's certainly no 'we don't do Christmas' vibe

I grew up in a house where Santa was treated as a nice story, but not something to believe in. I still loved Christmas. So did my siblings. None of us were in any way upset or damaged.

YANBU