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Original poster

Future husband HA

111 replies

user9981752 · 21/12/2018 21:36

So my wonderful husband to be just said "fuck off you cunt" to me twice because I asked him to help me carry 9 bags of shopping from the car in the rain while he was playing on the PlayStation.

Just came to vent.

OP posts:
MrsAmaretto · 23/12/2018 08:51

People will think how brave you were to leave a man who abused you. Leave or phone the police to press charges.

“There’s no excuse for domestic abuse”.

CrookedMe · 23/12/2018 09:05

It's time to move OP, and fast. Make the decision, pack a bag, get out the door.

Think of what you'd tell a friend in this situation: the time to escape is now, absolutely do not marry this arsehole.

People will applaud you. You'll be surprised at how many people say thank god!!

CrookedMe · 23/12/2018 09:22

There's a thread in Relationships right now called 'Thanks Mumsnet' you should have a read it of and see how much better your life could be.

KittenEsque · 23/12/2018 09:28

Get out fast.

Do not marry him.

Go to live elsewhere.

Do expose yourself to danger.
Do not let your child grow up in an abusive household.

HeavenlyEyes · 23/12/2018 09:32

Are you okay? Do you need a doctor? Please call the police and Wo,en's Aid.

MulticolourMophead · 23/12/2018 09:37

HarleyQuinnxx How are you going to minimise this now?

OP Don't be ashamed, you have done nothing wrong, it's all him. And when people find out you called it off because he hit you, they won't be judging you, they'll be judging him.

Please do get you and your child away, even if you can't do it immediately. Calling Women's Aid will help get the ball rolling to leave.

Original poster
user9981752 · 23/12/2018 13:28

I'm just trying to get my thoughts straight. I went to see my parents as I always do on a Sunday but I couldn't bring myself to tell them.

He came in drunk and was snapping at me about the night before, I begged him to not argue with me so went upstairs out the way and he followed me up and grabbed me, I banged my head off the wall and went down about 4 steps but stopped myself going further. I'm ok other than a bruise

I feel so trapped. I'm scared to tell anyone though as I don't know what they'll do with my son. I don't want my parents to know as they'll worry.

OP posts:
WLmum · 23/12/2018 14:08

They won't do anything with your son - you need to take him away from this abusive situation.
Of course your parents will worry but knowing you've ended it before things got any worse will be a big comfort to them. Let them and others help and support you.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Cancel the wedding and tell anyone who asks the truth. Don't lie for that bastard.

Luckingfovely · 23/12/2018 14:24

Your parents would be devastated if they find out you were being abused and didn't tell them- that would hurt them far more than worrying now.

They would want to help you, please let them.

You must have some real life support to help you out of this abusive relationship. You need to do it not only for your own sake but for your child too.

Please find the strength to do this.

MixedMaritalArts · 23/12/2018 14:55

If you were my child, I would be round like a flash. Tell them. Cancel the wedding. These are not loving actions he is displaying. Do it for your child if you won’t do it for yourself. www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 23/12/2018 14:58

Please tell your parents, they’d want to know. It took me years to tell mine, but when I did they helped me and my son escape.

Are you safe? Can you go out today?

LowbrowVictoriana · 23/12/2018 15:09

Apart from being disgustingly verbally abusive, he's hit you. That rarely is an isolated incident. He will hit you again. Harder.
And when your child is bigger he may well hit them, too.

Get out now.

Original poster
user9981752 · 23/12/2018 15:14

I don't think I'm being abused as such as he's never been violent before to anyone including me?

I don't really want to contact anyone this close to Christmas so I'm going to use these few days to think. Clear my head. Figure out how to get my and my child away.

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 23/12/2018 15:17

Social workers would say “look, she’s getting her child away from an abusive man” before breaking out into applause. They would back you all the way,

Contact Women’s Aid.

Then ring your parents and ask if you can go home...can they fit you and your child there? You deserve better,

If you were my daughter I would be driving to get you if you called with the information you’ve posted here. I would want you out if there immediately.

He’s called you “cunt” and he’s hit you.
Don’t ever give him the chance to do those things again. Report both incidents to the police as well. Get it logged,

Original poster
user9981752 · 23/12/2018 15:18

It feels like my perfect world has just been turned upside down. I'm looking at my child crying knowing that his life will never be what I hoped it would be and I'm devastated.

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 23/12/2018 15:21

My darling he will drink at Christmas and the risk is he will beget nasty of something goes wrong. He’s got away with it previously and will think he can do so again.

Your child will have a much better life without witnessing Mum being hit or spoken to like she’s nothing. His life will be happier as a result.

Even if he didn’t witness the hitting or the verbal abuse he will detect the atmosphere....children are very perceptive.

Look after you and your child. You both deserve better than this,

MulticolourMophead · 23/12/2018 15:25

OP, you're understandably devastated, this isn't what you imagined your life to be like. But you are being abused, his behaviour is definitely abusive.

woollyheart · 23/12/2018 15:30

Please tell your parents. If you can, go to them and spend Christmas with them.

You are in shock and still wondering how to react. The worst thing to do would be to pretend nothing has happened and marry this thug.

AJPTaylor · 23/12/2018 15:41

Right.
Your parents will worry.that is their job.
What will damage your son is growing up with this prick of a man as a role model.

MargiaStevens · 23/12/2018 15:43

Echoing what previous posters have said...
Tell your parents. Get out with your son. Keep you and your DS safe. Please.

losingfaith · 23/12/2018 15:49

Please don't worry what people will think re calling off the wedding. A close relative did this, with through with the wedding and wasted the best part of 7 years with an abusive controlling pig before she grew the strength to leave. Her only regret is not having called things off and sought help sooner.

His behaviour isn't normal or acceptable. None of this is your fault. Good luck op.

TheBaltictriangle · 23/12/2018 16:01

You call the police and tell them he physically and verbally abused you.

When they come to arrest him, you get a lock smith out and get the locks changed.

You don't go anywhere, he does and preferably to the police station.

You need to call your parents and tell them what's going on for your own safety. There's safety in numbers, abusers expect you to be quiet because you're ashamed. By being silent about the abuse, he'll get away with it.

Afonavon · 23/12/2018 16:02

Please go to your parents. Cancel the wedding and do NOT give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t hope that it will get better, it will not! It will get worse and worse and worse. Leave now before your child is exposed and thinks that his Dad’s behaviour is normal.

Please leave whilst you can.

MixedMaritalArts · 23/12/2018 16:16

“People” don’t have to live with him - please save yourself and your Son ASAP.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 23/12/2018 16:24

He's your former fiancé.

Tell. Your. Parents.

Get out.

Call the police.

He verbally and physically assaulted you.

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