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Original poster

Future husband HA

111 replies

user9981752 · 21/12/2018 21:36

So my wonderful husband to be just said "fuck off you cunt" to me twice because I asked him to help me carry 9 bags of shopping from the car in the rain while he was playing on the PlayStation.

Just came to vent.

OP posts:
EnidButton · 22/12/2018 02:13

Key word here is 'future'. The future hasn't happened yet and can have in it whatever you like. Do you want someone who calls you a cunt and tells you to duck off in one breath and says I love you in another? Do you want to live like that?

Gather all your self respect and leave or throw him out. You do not need that in your life, not now, not in the future, not ever.

If you don't have any self respect left and think you deserve this, ask yourself why that is and do something your future self will thank you for by building yourself back up, starting with ending your connection with this rubbish person.

EnidButton · 22/12/2018 02:13

'Duck off' ha, if only it was that mild.

EnidButton · 22/12/2018 02:22

So the perfect relationship police are gonna jump on you

My guess is the relationship police have had shit 'relationships' in the past and as a result, know what a shit one looks like. They've probably also lowered their tolerance for shit behaviour from a partner and raised their expectations. Quite often they've then gone on to find really decent, wonderful people to share their lives with instead because they know what a good relationship is, having some experience of the opposite.

I'm lucky to only have very short experiences of shit men but it was enough to know what I would and wouldn't accept and even with those short relationships I know being called a cunt and left to struggle in favour of playing a game isn't acceptable. It's a very obvious one.

Hopefully it's not true but in case i rings bells with anyone else reading I'm answering anyway,

EnidButton · 22/12/2018 02:23

not saying it's not true, I just hope it isn't because it's awful

BitOfFun · 22/12/2018 02:26

"The perfect relationship police"- really? Being spoken to like that isn't even SLIGHTLY acceptable.

MixedMaritalArts · 22/12/2018 02:31

Run like the wind !

MrsTerryPratcett · 22/12/2018 02:43

He's never ever ever said that to me before. And will never ever get to say it again.

Fixed it for you.

Pikiri · 22/12/2018 02:53

Op don't marry him, he has zero respect for you, his response to a reasonable request is to call you a cunt, let him marry his PlayStation, don't settle for this loser, he won't get more respectful with time, only more disrespectful.

because he was most likely so engrossed in a game he momentarily forgot who or where he was
What? He's a grown adult, engrossed in a game is no excuse for telling op to fuck off you cunt twice.
I'm a hardcore gamer, in 20 years of gaming I've yet to "forget who I am" that I tell my Dh or back then my parents to fuck off because they dare ask me to help them. Being engrossed in a game is not an excuse for being a verbally abusive ass.

TheSerenDipitY · 22/12/2018 06:40

the only reasonable reaction to that would have been to walk over to the playstation and to cut the cord in half.... cant do that now it is more of a in the moment kind of thing....
you need to lay down the law... speak to me in that way again and it will be the last time you speak to me... and if he does... follow thru

Original poster
user9981752 · 23/12/2018 08:27

He hit me last night. I have nowhere to go and I'm ashamed. I don't know what people will think if I call the wedding off. We have a child. I'm heartbroken.

OP posts:
Original poster
user9981752 · 23/12/2018 08:27

It was my fault for sulking as he didn't bring the shopping straight in.

OP posts:
alansleftfoot · 23/12/2018 08:29

Call Women's Aid and get out of there.

alansleftfoot · 23/12/2018 08:30

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Namedrama · 23/12/2018 08:33

It was not your fault. Sulking doesn’t mean you deserve name calling and violence.

He hit you too. Was that a first?

Please get out of there. This won’t get better and you and your child deserve to be treated better.

The quicker you leave the less the impact on your life and your child’s. The longer you stay the more it will grind you down and be hard to move on from. Call Womens’ Aid now. Please.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 23/12/2018 08:35

OP, call it off. I didn't call mine off partially as I was embarrassed to admit to family I didn't want to go through with it. I dragged it out for years until one day he attacked me in a blind rage. He told everyone we know I attacked him and showed off his war wounds (from me defending myself) while leaving me covered in bruises conveniently in areas no one would see easily.
He's not worth the misery that will surely come your way very soon if he's showing his true colours now.

Luckingfovely · 23/12/2018 08:35

Oh my god it does NOT matter what people think.

You cannot stay with this violent and abusive man any longer, he has crossed the line and you and your child are in danger.

And it was NOT your fault. He has effectively ended this relationship, not you.

I'm sure others will have more practical advice on what to do next, but I wish you strength and peace to get though this period and start a fresh new life free from violence and aggression.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Moussemoose · 23/12/2018 08:36

He made choices. He chose to call you names. He chose to hit you.

Now it's your turn. Make plans and then leave him.

Weenurse · 23/12/2018 08:37

Get out as fast as you can.
It was not your fault. He is dangerous

Weenurse · 23/12/2018 08:38

Also go ahead o the police

treaclesoda · 23/12/2018 08:39

I don't know what people will think if I call the wedding off.

They'll think you had a lucky escape to avoid marrying a violent man. They'll think you showed good judgement in removing your child from the situation.

MessyBun247 · 23/12/2018 08:42

Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, they aren’t living your life.

Please call Women’s Aid. You have a choice here. You don’t have to live like this. Keep yourself and your child safe.

sackrifice · 23/12/2018 08:42

I don't know what people will think if I call the wedding off

'Thank fuck she didn't marry that violent abusive man'?

You need to get out of there. Domesic violence ramps up over christmas. This is just the start.

GreenMeerkat · 23/12/2018 08:44

Oh gosh OP Thanks

I was going to reply asking if you were sure he was talking to you and not yelling at the screen as I've heard my brothers screaming all sorts at their PlayStations but then saw your update.

Please call Women's Aid! Have you any friends or anybody at all that you can go to just for a couple of nights until you can get sorted? Please don't stay around him

xxxx

AJPTaylor · 23/12/2018 08:47

I have been married 27 years. Because I have never been treated like that.
As a mum of adult daughters, the only thing I would say if one of mine cancelled a wedding (for any reason ) is "if you are not sure,don't do it". If it was because they had been hit and sworn at, I would cancel it myself and tell all the guests why.
If you have parents alive, please just go to them. I would be heartbroken in if my daughter's didn't.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 23/12/2018 08:50

Honey, if people's opinions are what you worry most about, let me tell you that they will all think worse of you for staying with a violent prick.

You need to protect yourself and your DC. That makes you strong, determined, and a bloody good mother. All qualities I think are fucking excellent in a person.

Get out and don't look back. Unless it's to smash his fucking games console on your way out.

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