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Original poster

Grieving family want teddy back

104 replies

dentydown · 15/12/2018 13:29

This is a tricky one. We have a family friend who died recently. On one visit (about 6 months ago) she gave my little one a teddy (she’s 2.5 years old).
This teddy has become a comforter for her. So she won’t go to sleep without the teddy. Her eldest daughter has asked her husband for it back as a memento.
Her husband (widower) says no, the teddy should remain with my little one because she will get more pleasure out of it.
I want to give it back because, she was estranged from her mum and it’s the only reminder. I can’t find a duplicate or one similar but I’m still searching.
They’ve told the daughter that the home threw out her soft toys at the moment.
Wwyd I’m torn!

OP posts:
notacooldad · 15/12/2018 13:31

I would just give it back tbh.

RitaTheBeater · 15/12/2018 13:32

Why is this teddy the only reminder? Is she prone to a drama? The friends dd I mean, not your toddler!

DeezMutts · 15/12/2018 13:32

Maybe post a pic and mn can help find a duplicate?

HirplesWithHaggis · 15/12/2018 13:33

If the teddy belonged to the daughter, or was some sort of family heirloom, I'd return it. Otherwise, no.

ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 15/12/2018 13:34

Can you post a description or picture? Power of Mumsnet may help source!

ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 15/12/2018 13:34

Xpost!

BaronessBomburst · 15/12/2018 13:37

I think the daughter is being unreasonable.
Presumably the husband has plenty of other things which would be a reminder of her mother.
And you say they were estranged?
And why this particular toy if it was given to your daughter as a gift?
If you'd been given a pair of slippers for your birthday would she be asking for those too?

Original poster
dentydown · 15/12/2018 13:44

Lol it would be outing to post a picture.
The teddy was just a cheap one. It had no value and was quite new. It’s just that I can’t find it in the shops. (Possibly because it’s Christmas)
There is a bit of drama in that the deceased’s husband didn’t get on with the daughter of his wife’s first family.
I’m guessing the daughter didn’t have anything to remind her by.

OP posts:
Vika1985 · 15/12/2018 13:44

I'd return it.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/12/2018 13:47

There is nothing else at all apart from a teddy that's been gifted do another child?

3luckystars · 15/12/2018 13:47

Buy your daughter a bigger teddy, she is only 2 and will forget.

How does the other child know about the teddy her mother gave you?

LiquoricePickle · 15/12/2018 13:48

I wouldn't return it. It's not like it was her mother's childhood toy or anything. She gave it too your child because she wanted your child to have it. The widower should find s memento for the daughter. Hopefully, there's something much more meaningful that she can keep.

Also, I'm sorry for your loss.

ADastardlyThing · 15/12/2018 13:51

The widower has said the toy should stay with your DD so tbh I'd respect that.

lboogy · 15/12/2018 13:58

Why don't you buy a similar teddy and give that to your daughter so she has both to play with then you can transition her away from the other teddy belonging to your neighbour
If it's not clear, I'd give it back. Kids forget easily so there's no real harm to your dc

brizzledrizzle · 15/12/2018 13:59

I'd keep it, your friend clearly wanted your daughter to have it and so does her widower. It's not as if your daughter has just put it in a toy box and forgotten about it, she's attached to it.

cuppycakey · 15/12/2018 14:00

I would return it

NerrSnerr · 15/12/2018 14:01

It wouldn't be outing to post a picture. It's quite a unique situation so if someone who knows what's going on reads this they'd recognise it whether there's a photo or not.

Dairymilkmuncher · 15/12/2018 14:02

If this was your friend to you have access to photos or clothes you could make a cushion from or photo book or something to pass on instead of the teddy?

ScarletAnemone · 15/12/2018 14:02

If it really is special to her daughter, I’d give it back. Your child will miss the teddy for a few days but I’m sure they’d develop an attachment to something else instead before too long.

GummyGoddess · 15/12/2018 14:04

She's an adult, she would hopefully not want to take a loved toy away from a child if she knew. I wouldn't give it back, transitional objects are very important for children.

BlackCatSleeping · 15/12/2018 14:04

I'd give it to the daughter. Get your daughter a new teddy to replace it.

billybagpuss · 15/12/2018 14:06

If your friend hadn't wanted your DD to have the bear she wouldn't have given it to her. IMO it legitimately belongs to your DD.

PerfectPenquins · 15/12/2018 14:06

Sounds like the widower doesn’t get on with the daughter which is sad so I’d give the daughter the teddy at this upsetting time and take her at her word that there is nothing else of sentimental value

TonTonMacoute · 15/12/2018 14:07

I'm sure this woman is upset at the loss of her DM, but this just sounds like she wants to sow discord.

Why on earth would some random teddy that her DM bought for a little child be the best thing to remind her of her mum?

If it had once been her teddy, fine. I would say sorry, but no.

Dahlietta · 15/12/2018 14:07

I presume it had belonged to your friend before she gave it to your daughter, rather than she bought it for your daughter? I wouldn't give it back if it is so special to your daughter at the moment. Perhaps you could offer to give it back when (if) your daughter moves on to something else. Does she know that her mother gave it to your daughter?