Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dh giving ds 8 mental health labels

83 replies

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 07:59

Ds has intrusive thoughts, it affects his diet and sleep but we are working on it at home and it isn't affecting his behaviour or learning at school or home so we haven't sort outside help for him.

Over the past couple of months Dh has been telling ds that he has ocd like him. Today dh told him once again after I've said not to and ds said 'yes I have ocd like dad. He told me 2 times in the park and 3 times at home '

I'm so annoyed as neither have been diagnosed and I think it is wrong to do an armchair diagnosis and confuse a child like this! Dh says I don't understand as I haven't the same issue and now he's really annoyed that I'm annoyed at him!

Aibu? Don't want to post in Aibu as don't want harsh opinions but would like some outside advice.

OP posts:

CrazyDuchess · 09/12/2018 08:03

Why haven't you sourced help from your GP yet?? It's affecting his sleep and diet??

knittedjest · 09/12/2018 08:04

I don't think telling him will make him stop. How about getting your son assessed? That way if there is a problem it can be addressed and receive early intervention but if there isn't your husband would have to be a real dick to keep saying it and I can assure you that your son won't appreciate it or believe it.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 09/12/2018 08:05

Definately not unreasonable. It’s unhelpful to label a child - especially without any professional diagnosis. I trained and worked as a therapist and this was one point I was really firm on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families SEN

SexNotJenga · 09/12/2018 08:07

The sooner you get help for him the more effective it is likely to be. Poor kid.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:08

That’s really quite bad. Arguably it’s emotionally/psychologically abusive. You’re not at all wrong to strongly object to this and your DS needs protecting from it. If your DH genuinely doesn’t see the harm in it, that’s proof that his thinking is off.

Can you encourage him to undergo proper assessment of OCD himself?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 09/12/2018 08:14

I think if you want outside advice, you’d better off seeking professional help.

Is part of the problem here the fact that you seem to be in denial about his issues.

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 08:14

It understand both points of view here. I know you don’t want to put a diagnosis in DS until he has one but I can also see why you DH wants to say ‘look I have OCD like you are it’s ok and you can do these things to help’. When my DD is upset about things it really helps her to know I have the same feelings as her sometimes and that’s what your DH is trying to do.
Maybe instead of saying your DS has OCD like him he should say that he has the same feelings as DS sonetimes and it’s ok.

Original poster

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 08:26

We have sort outside help as I feel that it isn't that bad as he doesn't have behaviour problems at home, apart from a bit of sibling arguing which I don't think is unusual. He is a bright learner at school, his teacher has never mentioned a problem. Also he is very healthy and doesn't have a gp.

It affects his diet as he eats very simple food, foods can't touch other foods and can't look damaged or old, but he does manage to eat all food groups (though not a wide range of food within each food group).
He won't eat homemade food prepared by others, only from our home.

It affects his sleep as he cries before he falls asleep every night but we sit with him every night as we have always done and he falls asleep fairly quickly in less than 15 mins and sleeps around 11 hours. He sometimes wakes crying but we sit with him and he goes back to sleep within minutes.

Dh says he himself has a range of undiagnosed mh issues, but came from a troubled childhood and poor education so they were never identified, but has done well as an adult mostly. However he also doesn't get ill, doesn't have a gp and would never consider going to the gp for these issues.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 08:27

Sorry but that should say we haven't sort outside help.

OP posts:

Mossyhill · 09/12/2018 08:30

I have (diagnosed) ocd based around intrusive thoughts. It’s so so important you seek professional help as early as you can. The sooner it is nipped in the bud the easier it is long term. It’s a hideous thing to suffer with.

SexNotJenga · 09/12/2018 08:30

Everyone should have a GP.

Please take him to the doctor. It isn't right that any child should be crying themselves to sleep every night.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:31

affects his diet as he eats very simple food, foods can't touch other foods and can't look damaged or old, but he does manage to eat all food groups (though not a wide range of food within each food group).
He won't eat homemade food prepared by others, only from our home.

This is extremely familiar behaviour to me. Have you considered the possibility of high functioning autism?

LoniceraJaponica · 09/12/2018 08:32

So he isn't registered with a GP at all?

You can be registered and never need to see one you know.
TBH some of the things you write about sound like they do need following up, and I agree with a PP that you sound like you are in denial.

I also agree that your husband is being unhelpful with his remarks.

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 09/12/2018 08:32

The thing is it does sound like OCD and you're just trying to manage it yourself when DS could be getting help from a professional. I'm not saying DH is in the right for labelling it but I think you're don't DS a disservice by not getting help. Intrusive thoughts must be really scary and crying for 15 minutes every night is not normal at 8.

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 08:32

Why have you not sort outside help you must know this isn’t right?

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 09/12/2018 08:33

doing not don't

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 08:35

PS I have OCD when in the grips of the thoughts it is terrifying and causes me physical symptoms like stomach upsets and racing heart. It is cruel to let this go untreated.

AwkwardAsAllGetout · 09/12/2018 08:35

I agree that it sounds like my ds with autism. You’re doing him no favours by ignoring this. Please please register your family at a GO and ask for a Camhs referral. Which will take an age in itself but please get the ball rolling on this. No child should regularly fall asleep crying

abbsisspartacus · 09/12/2018 08:36

Tell your husband he can't call himself OCD unless he is diagnosed

adaline · 09/12/2018 08:37

Why on earth isn't your child registered with a doctor and why on earth haven't you sought help for this when it's affecting his diet and sleep patterns?

I find that quite shocking to be honest.

EastMidsGPs · 09/12/2018 08:38

You say you haven't sort outside help as you feel it isn't bad. Yet, as you list how your child's life is affected, as an outsider, I see a considerable affect on his life. He must be at least miserable about these if not distressed.
I would suggest you ask yourself why you are minimising something that can be improved with outside professional help?
You appear to be deflecting this onto annoyance at your DH's actions.
And why on earth does your son not have a GP??

ipswichwitch · 09/12/2018 08:40

DS has some of the food related issues you describe, as well as some intrusive thoughts, and is currently being assessed for asd.

At some point, everyone will need access to a gp no matter how healthy they are, so it would be wise to register with one, especially for a child who cannot make those decisions about their own healthcare.

Regardless of the cause of your sons issues, some outside help could well be beneficial, even if it’s to prevent him being wrongly labelled

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:40

Depression, anxiety and similar are not unusual comorbities with autism. Especially undiagnosed & unmanaged autism.

Does it seem possible to you that your OH also has traits of autism (food issues, sensory sensitivities such as avoiding certain textures/noises/tastes but seeking out other textures/noises tastes, literal use of language, difficulty with idiomatic language, pedantry, disliking surprises etc)?

DearTeddyRobinson · 09/12/2018 08:41

He needs a GP. Both he and your husband need professional input for their MH problems. Not sure what help you expect from MN, speak to someone who is qualified and has your son's full health history.
also it's spelled sought

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:41

I think OP was saying that her partner was the one without a GP, not her child or the test of the family.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread