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Original poster

Dh giving ds 8 mental health labels

83 replies

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 07:59

Ds has intrusive thoughts, it affects his diet and sleep but we are working on it at home and it isn't affecting his behaviour or learning at school or home so we haven't sort outside help for him.

Over the past couple of months Dh has been telling ds that he has ocd like him. Today dh told him once again after I've said not to and ds said 'yes I have ocd like dad. He told me 2 times in the park and 3 times at home ' Xmas Hmm

I'm so annoyed as neither have been diagnosed and I think it is wrong to do an armchair diagnosis and confuse a child like this! Dh says I don't understand as I haven't the same issue and now he's really annoyed that I'm annoyed at him!

Aibu? Don't want to post in Aibu as don't want harsh opinions but would like some outside advice.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/12/2018 09:36

If your child had an ongoing physical issue you would seek help? So why not for an ongoing mental health issue?

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 09:39

You are being neglectful. It's as though you haven't bothered to get your Son support because it isn't impacting on you, but it is impacting on him.

Ease off her, eh?

She’s said that she had no point of comparison but clearly now she’s looking at the situation m.

Fishandthechips · 09/12/2018 09:40

I have ocd that I have had since I can remember. My mum was like you and didnt want me to go to the doctors and get a diagnosis. Its horrible explaining to your parents that something isnt right and them basically telling you its fine when your suffering daily. A diagnosis and support would have been amazing. It would have shown me that it was a medical condition that doesnt just affect me and that I wasnt going insane. Pretending its not ocd will not do you or your son any good.

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Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 09:47

Yes blackcat86 that is what concerns me. At the moment dh is telling him he has ocd. Next it will be anxiety, depression etc. I think that is confusing for a child! Dh has a self diagnosed history of anxiety depression that he has overcome mostly at present as an adult with his own strategies. He also has self diagnosed adhd as a child/teen. He also has several phobias that do affect his daily life in a variety of ways.

OP posts:
puddlesplashing · 09/12/2018 09:49

Well take him to a gp so he doesn't grow up self diagnosing. It's not rocket science. You are being neglectful.

Dragongirl10 · 09/12/2018 09:54

Op..STOP your DH telling your son ANYTHING...that is a recipe for years of issues...he is convincing a vulnerable child he has various issue he probably doesn't have..

MAKE him understand this has to stop right away.

Get registered with a GP straight away and take your son for a diagnosis...

mombie · 09/12/2018 09:58

Please seek professional help.

Your son sounds like he is desperately trying to understand who he is, and your dh is trying to support him,albeit in a cackhanded way.

Speaking from experience, it doesn’t take much for things to escalate. My ds has a diagnosis of hfa, we sought help so that we could support him better and so that he would be able to manage himself as he grows older. We didn’t label him for sympathy or to make him feel different. It is a massive part of his life but it isn’t all that he is.

Your house moves etc are not the cause, so don’t feel judged. It is difficult when you are trying to come to terms with accepting that there is an issue.You need to stop worrying about is he/isn’t he and just take the first steps.

Speak to your ds and tell him that there is nothing wrong with him but that you are going to help him. Make an appt and see a doctor. Tell them what you have said here, and take it from there. Also make an appt to speak to your school senco and ask them to observe your ds at school/ playtime. You might be surprised at what they pick up.

Your family will benefit so much from seeking support.

Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 09:59

I don't think dh has ever properly considered getting medical help!! I've always been a bit irritated when he talk about his self diagnoses and tell him he should probably get a proper diagnosis as it's not correct to self- diagnose on Google etc Xmas Hmm but he is not the type to do that sort of thing. He is the sort of person who removed his own teeth as a teen instead of going to the dentist Xmas Confused

He is a good family man, works hard, connects and bonds with the dc but he has a troubled mind in a lot of ways. But he is a problem solver and does a lot of visualisations, routines when he feels himself slipping. He has been trying to empower ds in a similar way, positive visualisations, tactile toys to squeeze etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 10:05

I've considered getting medical help over the years but it never really felt that bad. Some babies don't sleep, some children are fussy eaters. And as I've said I think we have just rolled along with it over the years. I also am quite a quiet person and downplay issues so would feel like a hyperchondriac parent at the gp!

I haven't directly mentioned getting medical help for ds to dh as I know he would say it's not necessary.

OP posts:
Raven88 · 09/12/2018 10:05

I would take DS to a doctor for a proper diagnosis. If he does have a mental health issue getting help now will help him in the future. When you have issues with your mental health they are easier to see in other people. DH might be wanting to have an open discussion with DS so he doesn't feel differently to the world around him.

kim81 · 09/12/2018 10:07

forum diagnosis is one step up from armchair diagnosis. Like people are saying get them to a professional.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 10:08

Pointers and suggestions aren’t “forum diagnosis”.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 09/12/2018 10:09

Why is he not registered with a GP? You don’t just not register with a GP because you’re never ill. The whole thing sounds a bit odd.

Raven88 · 09/12/2018 10:15

@Marimarimari my mum ignored my issues as a child as they only got worse. They started around the age of 14. I've slowly gotten worse over the years because I never received a proper diagnosis. If you help him now he will have the tools to get through life.

twattymctwatterson · 09/12/2018 10:19

Your son will grow up exactly like your DH. Get him help! I'm surprised there's not been any kind of intervention already given that you've not bothered to register him with a dr. Does he see a dentist?

Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 10:49

Ds has had a gp in the past, had his vaccinations as normal, but he is a fairly healthy child and never saw the gp much anyway (apart from vaccinations). No accidents or hospitalisations for the dc so we have been very lucky in this regard. We've since moved and haven't registered. He has been to the dentist!

Dh hasnt been to the gp for many years. It is not a legal requirement to go to the gp and why would you go if you haven't been sick or dont feel you need to?! I understand cancer screening tests when you're older but he is under 40. I haven't been for over a year and have since moved but will have to go for cervical screen test soon Xmas Hmm

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 09/12/2018 10:59

You do understand that GPs deal with mental health as well as physical health?

It all sounds horribly dysfunctional. You're (both) setting your son up for a lifetime of difficulties.

Bixilet · 09/12/2018 11:01

why would you go if you haven't been sick or dont feel you need to?!

No one is saying it go needlessly but if your registered it means when you are ill you can go straight away rather then having to faff about to register, then get an appointment.

Also you say he's fit and healthy but he's self diagnosing himself and your son with a whole range of things, anxiety, ocd, depression, mental health is important too and can be discussed with a gp, you should definelty go for your son, but your Dh should go to, to talk about his.

Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 11:23

I know that I'm getting sidetracked but the gp registration issue has been an eye opener for me. I think because we have only used the gp for routine appointments (prenatal, vaccinations etc) I have always fitted appointments around my work ahead of time so haven't considered what would happen if we were sick and needed an appointment at short notice. That is why I haven't registered yet, I didn't realise we might need to in the future!

Yes I do realise gps help with mental health issues and I will take my ds as I think the situation is very confusing and we need some professional advice. Thank you.

OP posts:
imip · 09/12/2018 11:24

I think registrating for a GP would show that you were proactively looking after your child health. What if he had a strange rash and high temperature - where would you take him?

I suspect that if you don’t register it would raise suspicions that you were trying to ‘hide’ your child.

Bixilet · 09/12/2018 11:25

Also not to bang on, but you say he's a fairly healthy child. But you also say he has problems with sleep, diet and intrusive thoughts. That's not healthy to struggle with that with no medical advice as to the cause of that.

If he had a stomach pain that was causing him sleep and diet issues presumably you would take him, so it's the same for mental health issues, they won't needlessly diagnosis him with anything if there's nothing, however if there is something you will get him thr help he needs.

Bixilet · 09/12/2018 11:26

Oops cross post there!

Original poster
Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 11:26

Strange rash and high temp would be a&e!

OP posts:
anitagreen · 09/12/2018 11:32

@gamerwidow sorry to jump in on the ops post but I'm currently undergoing CBT for suspected OCD with intrusive thoughts what have you done or found can stop them etc?

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 11:38

anitagreen I’ve found CBT coupled with a low dose of citalopram keeps it under control. I still have moments where it gets the better of me but it’s easier to recognise now and take steps to acknowledge it before the panic gets out of control.

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