Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dh giving ds 8 mental health labels

83 replies

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 07:59

Ds has intrusive thoughts, it affects his diet and sleep but we are working on it at home and it isn't affecting his behaviour or learning at school or home so we haven't sort outside help for him.

Over the past couple of months Dh has been telling ds that he has ocd like him. Today dh told him once again after I've said not to and ds said 'yes I have ocd like dad. He told me 2 times in the park and 3 times at home '

I'm so annoyed as neither have been diagnosed and I think it is wrong to do an armchair diagnosis and confuse a child like this! Dh says I don't understand as I haven't the same issue and now he's really annoyed that I'm annoyed at him!

Aibu? Don't want to post in Aibu as don't want harsh opinions but would like some outside advice.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 08:43

ViragoKnows yes I read it that way too.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:47

Ifnit does turn out to be HF autism, thats not a disatrous or awful thing Op. Most aspies are perfectly happy with diagnosis, insight into their issues and some minor adjustments.

Sorry if my suggestion gave you a shock, but the food issues, the food not touching thing especially, is a bit of an autism trademark. Worth investigating

Bixilet · 09/12/2018 08:48

He is a bright learner at school, his teacher has never mentioned a problem. Also he is very healthy and doesn't have a gp.
Your son and your husband need to register with a gp, why on earth wouldn't they be registered at one
Register and go take your son about this, then you will know and be able to get help.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families SEN

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 08:50

Oh yes you’re right bix, I do apologise.

HamishTheTalkingCactus · 09/12/2018 08:51

I was that child with OCD, didn't get a diagnosis till late teens as v good at hiding it. It's better to have a "label" and realise you have a hopefully treatable problem and there are millions of people out there in the world with a similar struggle, than to not have the "label"and struggle on alone feeling crap and like you deserve to feel this bad. Battling OCD without help eventually leads to depression (years of anxiety takes its toll).

In most circumstances I am against armchair diagnosis of a child, as it puts the child in a difficult position, if they have a diagnosis they can't evidence to outsiders, but in this situation I think it's more helpful to your child to have a handle on what's happening to him.

Agree with other posters about seeking help with your child. If you are really that averse to signing up with a GP, and have money to spare, you could look for a reputable private clinical psychologist to diagnose/treat

Stuckforthefourthtime · 09/12/2018 09:09

Crying to sleep at night at 8 is not at all usual, if an adult was doing that wouldn't you be trying to do everything to help? OCD is manageable but the earlier you address it the better. like others, please take him to a GP.

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 09:09

Yep you’re right bix, just couldn’t believe anyone would not have their child registered for medical care!

FoonaLagoonaBaboona · 09/12/2018 09:10

I agree with some of the other posters one of my Dc has the same issues with food and has a highly functioning autism diagnosis. In my experience food may an issue for awhile and when that is 'managed' another issue arose like counting ,and another like time .. and another.
It is no harm to get him assessed and if it turns out he has a little quirk then you know and if turns out to be asd , Ocd , then you know and he can benefit from the help .

Original poster

Marimarimari · 09/12/2018 09:11

If it was high functioning autism wouldnt his teachers have noticed something? He is a quick learner and has a few good friendships.

I think we have just rolled along in a prolonged toddler phase. His poor babyhood sleep (lack of) had me on my knees for 2 years. Then we had issues with tantrums after naps until he was 4. He has always been a fussy eater.

We are a busy family, both work full time, have moved 4 times in his lifetime. Have no family support nearby and it is hard to know what normal is when you don't meet or know many other children! No excuse though if the consensus is that we've been neglectful.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 09/12/2018 09:15

OP you obviously love and care about your child otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking for advice.
Don’t take comments about being neglectful to heart but do get him professional help.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 09:16

If it was high functioning autism wouldnt his teachers have noticed something? He is a quick learner and has a few good friendships.

No they wouldn’t necessarily have noticed. In fact it’s most likely to be missed in bright, high functioning children. Mainstream teachers don't receive much training in SEN and what they do have is mainly focused on learning disabilities.

Quick learning or otherwise has nothing to do with autism and children with autism do have friends. It might be an idea to read up a bit.

Bixilet · 09/12/2018 09:18

if it was high functioning autism wouldnt his teachers have noticed something?

No, there's plenty of threads on mumsnet of children getting much later diagnosed as it wasn't recognised at school and I have personal experience of a child going through all of junior school without a diagnosis.
But again register and ask thr gp about all of this, it might be nothing it might be something, but register, not even just for this but general life illnesses or bumps, which you can't predict.

wheresmyhairytoe · 09/12/2018 09:19

My DS has High functioning autism and no, the teachers didn't pick up on it. I fought the system for a diagnosis as I knew he needed help. Even with that the school refused to see his struggles until he spectacularly fell apart aged 10 and wanted to kill himself, refused school and tried to escape when he was there.
Nearly 2 years down the line, after fight after after, a specialist provision and lengthy CAMHS involvement we're finally starting to get our boy back.
Please, get him help ASAP.

LoniceraJaponica · 09/12/2018 09:19

Bless you. It is hard to know what is normal if you have no point of comparison. DD's best friend has recently (at the age of 18) been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. It hasn't held her back - she is currently at university, but it means she is getting the support that she needs.

Please don't worry about your DS having a "label". It is a help, not a hindrance, and nothing to be ashamed of.

LoniceraJaponica · 09/12/2018 09:20

Oh, and the teachers never noticed BTW.

imip · 09/12/2018 09:21

No, teachers would not at all necessarily notice a child has HFA (voice of bitter experience). Also, from a child protection point of view, I’m sure not being registered at a GP apart from the odd lapse when moving house etc, would surely raise eyebrows.

You describe my dd, who has HFA. She’s been assessed for OCD a number of times, but they don’t think she has it (hasn’t vocalised a fear of something bad happening to someone) but has a hoarding type OCD.

SexNotJenga · 09/12/2018 09:21

Many teachers are lovely and many of them are pretty good at putting strategies into place to help dc. However, they can't diagnose SEN. They also have 30 - 35 children in one class. If a child is quiet in lessons and their work is more or less average then SEN often go unnoticed.

This applies to lots of different issues. Anxiety is a major one. OCD will likely go unnoticed unless the child exhibits obvious checking behaviours which get on the way of schooling, and many don't. Children with ADD often get described as 'dreamy' or 'inattentive' for years. (Kids with ADHD tend to get noticed, because the hyperactivity gets in the way of classroom teaching and learning) HFA is frequently only picked up in the teens, when the social gap between them and their peers begins to widen.

ADastardlyThing · 09/12/2018 09:22

If it is a MH issue it's not a 'label' it's a condition that can be treated.

You are underreacting and your dh is overreacting, there is a middle ground ie. Seek some help for your DS who clearly needs some sort of intervention.

ViragoKnows · 09/12/2018 09:22

It sounds like you’re bearing most of the impact OP. You deserve aome professional input. But have a read around first to see what YOU think about Aspergers or OCD forting with your son’s presentation (and your OH’s) because quite often you need to come to your own clear suspicion so that you can advocate hard to get the relevant assessment.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 09/12/2018 09:23

No GP? What about vaccinations etc.?

Honestly, OP, it sounds as if you have a problem with MH conditions (or 'labels') and don't want your boy to be confirmed as having one. But why wouldn't you get outside help if you could access it, with something that is distressing him? I'm a bit worried, tbh, about your insistence that he doesn't need outside help because he behaves well at school (i.e. everything looks fine to outsiders). An uncharitable interpretation of that attitude might be that, as far as you are concerned, he can keep going through this and being distressed as long as you look like a 'normal' family.

blackcat86 · 09/12/2018 09:24

If he was very little then perhaps yes it could just be a bit of a prolonged toddlerhood but not as 8. Before you know it he'll be a pre-teen. I think that you're putting a lot of emphasis on the teachers to notice something but a lot of children get very lost at school unless their behaviour is truely appalling.

You know your child best and have listed a few issues that warrant assessment by a doctor. It's not normal to have a restricted diet, it's not normal to have intrusive thoughts and it's not normal to cry every night before you go to sleep. I wonder if your DH self diagnosing rather than speaking to a professional is leaking into DS's issues? Your DH clearly also feels there is an issue if he's giving him labels - this is really unhelpful by the way and confusing for a child. DSS's mum tried to tell him he had anxiety and depression (no GP visit) and he went around telling people he was 'mentally disabled'. It caused no end of confusion with the school and extended family. Take your child to the GP and talk through your concerns.

Squeegle · 09/12/2018 09:25

I think you should go to the GP and seek an assessment. There is no harm in it and could be a lot of positives. You need to say what the issues are and not diagnose. My friend’s son has OCD - he didn’t really have many issues until puberty hit, and at 16 it all kicked off. Definitely better to get in early. It will help your son to be able to control these thoughts

FoonaLagoonaBaboona · 09/12/2018 09:29

My Dc first teacher pointed out a few personality traits and I made a point of not mentioning it to the next teacher until parent teacher meeting (November) to see would they say anything and she didn't neither did the next one. I had enough issues at that point , mainly from home , to seek a referral.
I don't think you have been neglectful as it's a long road and sometimes you find yourself thinking nothing is wrong and sometimes you find yourself worrying and sometimes every thing is easy.
My DC has just got a diagnosis after 4 yeas so that are not dished out lightly and it may turn out your child is not on the spectrum but if he is there is alot that can help him and you .

FoonaLagoonaBaboona · 09/12/2018 09:30

What does your DH think about getting him assessed?

Birdsgottafly · 09/12/2018 09:33

You are being neglectful. It's as though you haven't bothered to get your Son support because it isn't impacting on you, but it is impacting on him.

Your DH had a poor childhood, so didn't get diagnosed. So what's different in your DS's case, is he also condemned to a childhood that hasn't met his needs?

He isn't going to grow out of this and its unusual for a Teen Boy to accept help, unless things are in crisis. So get him support now.

Flip

1 2 3 4