Dh giving ds 8 mental health labels

[Marimarimari]

Ds has intrusive thoughts, it affects his diet and sleep but we are working on it at home and it isn't affecting his behaviour or learning at school or home so we haven't sort outside help for him.

Over the past couple of months Dh has been telling ds that he has ocd like him. Today dh told him once again after I've said not to and ds said 'yes I have ocd like dad. He told me 2 times in the park and 3 times at home '

I'm so annoyed as neither have been diagnosed and I think it is wrong to do an armchair diagnosis and confuse a child like this! Dh says I don't understand as I haven't the same issue and now he's really annoyed that I'm annoyed at him!

Aibu? Don't want to post in Aibu as don't want harsh opinions but would like some outside advice.

@gamerwidow thanks for that I've heard CBT is the best thing for it, I have been really worked up about it this year because I was so obsessed by the one thought but I think I'm getting over it now slowly I'm keen to avoid tablets, but saying that if I feel I'm struggling at any time I'm open to the idea. Thanks for replying x

In my area it is the school who have to make a referral to mental health services but you certainly need to see a doctor with him too.

The eating concerns me, yes many kids are fussy eaters but there is a condition called ARFID which is avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (was known as selective eating disorder) often presents in people on the spectrum but not always. Lack of nutrition will exacerbate anxiety, depression, sleep problems etc.

I’d say he needs help urgently, my daughter became very sick under my nose with anxiety, OCD, depression, AFRID, which went on to Orthorexia then Anorexia.

I’m not for a moment saying your son will be the same but nevertheless he need urgent help.

I wonder if he is crying at night because he has been holding together at school. Just because he isn’t being badly behaved and his grades are fine it doesn’t mean he might not have intrusive thoughts and internal struggles at school.

Please see a GP and get to the bottom of it. I don’t think your husband should label it but I bet your husband felt better when he learnt about ocd and understood himself more and he is trying to make your son feel better

Please take your son to the GP - intrusive thoughts are absolutely a sign of OCD and they can get very distressing especially when he is older. OCD can also be a symptom of Aspergers. As my family have discovered the hard way.
The thing is, if a child is having intrusive thoughts its likely they will develop other OCD symptoms. He needs CBT therapy now to learn to deal with his anxieties. Its so much better you do this when he is younger...getting a teenager to CBT is a nightmare.

"It’s unhelpful to label a child" why? I've never understood this statement/attitude. It doesn't prevent the child from suffering if they do have a condition it just makes it harder to explain to others and get appropriate support.

I have OCD, with hindsight have had it all my life 'not being labelled' didn't help me - getting a Dx and support has STARTED to help, but while we remain (as a society) in denial about MH conditions we'll continue to fail to address it properly!

I should have been dx and begin treatment in my teens, I truly believe if I had I wouldn't be nearly as debilitated by it as I am now!

OCD is believed to be innate and quite likely genetic.

For ANY condition early Dx & treatment is better.

Op your dh should get a Dx & treatment but as an adult that's up to him.

I would urge you to get support for your son ASAP. It's a horrible condition to live with and the earlier sufferers get help the better.

"If your DH genuinely doesn’t see the harm in it, that’s proof that his thinking is off." Prejudicial nonsense! If dh is a sufferer he has a better understanding than op. Being mentally ill doesn't make us stupid!

You're backtracking now, first you said it affects his diet and sleep and then you minimised and why the HELL doesn't he have a GP?! That's so irresponsible!

You SHOULD have sought outside help before now and now you MUST get this addressed, you're failing your son if you don't.

Yes you need to register your son at a GP, so he can more easily see one if he needs to. Arguable he should have seen one some time ago OP. Perhaps your DH behaviour has normalised some of these symptoms for you but your DH also sound extremely mentally unwell. No it's not a legal requirement (obviously ) for an adult to see a GP if they're ill, but more fool them if they don't. To say you DH doesn't need to see a GP but describing how he is at home self diagnosing himself with a litany of mental health issues that he may or may not have, that he apparently controls himself, even though he could just receive diagnosi with work-arounds, whilst doing the same to a child, is not the behaviour of a balanced, well person.

It is vastly inappropriate and potentially very harmful for your DH to be prescribing his own 'treatments' to your DS, let alone telling him he has certain disorders. I feel rather uncomfortable that your DS is in this situation and there is no guidance from a care service or GP, and if your DH would not want him to see one thats a huge red flag. You obviously have niggling thoughts this is wrong OP hence your post so you need to consider it even further from the perspective of your sons welfare, your DH has made his own bed, your son relies on you to offer him the option of a doctor's assessment, which is a very normal and routine part of life, not something only 'hypochondriacs' do. Dont let your DH's neuroses normalised this for your sons sake.

Thank you for your advise. I have spoke to dh and I will take ds to the gp about this as I think it is confusing for ds and not good for us to be arguing about it around him. Also ds is actually quite articulate and quite insightful and can probably explain himself.

Sorry for the drip feed but I forgot that I did take ds to the gp when he was 5 as he had tics (still does) and the gp was very dismissive about it. I did bring up the diet and sleep history at the time. He had not mentioned any intrusive thoughts at that stage so obviously that was not brought up. I did feel very dismissed and that I was over reacting and being a hypochondriac mother so that is another reason why I haven't taken him. The gp just said it all sounded normal and just to ignored the tics and ds looked healthy etc

I’ve learned that we have to be the squeaky wheel sometimes when it comes to our children and mental health. You know your child, you are concerned so don’t be dismissed, keep on.

Also, speak to the pastoral care person at school, that will be your entry point to help in my experience. It’s really important school know there are issues. They can let you know if there are behaviour changes at school too if your son becomes worse.

Tics, poor eating, poor sleep and intrusive thoughts, these are things that shouldn’t be dismissed.