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Original poster

Mums in professional services- how do you make it work?

114 replies

shatteredbyhavingitall · 06/12/2018 19:27

I am a fee earner in a professional services firm and am struggling to make my role/ working pattern work so wondered if anyone had any tips on how to make it work in a client facing role?

At present I work 8.30-3 every day so drop kids at breakfast club, race to work, race back to school. After school is the usual dance classes, football, gymnastics etc plus playdates. Then cook dinner, do house admin and washing etc, get kids in bed and start work again at 7.30pm, feeling knackered and like the clients/ colleagues are disappointed as I've not been available since 3. Husband works away so can't help: I am solo parenting most of the time.

How do other professional services people make it work? I love my job but this is exhausting me! Any tips on how to make it sustainable would be very welcome!

OP posts:
fatpatsthong · 06/12/2018 19:52

My DP is a sahp so a bit easier for me although I still massively struggle with work/life balance and being present at home.

Friends tend to flex/compress hours. Lots work 4 days but have to be rigorous about keeping that day as work free and managing expectations.

TBDO · 06/12/2018 20:04

DC go into after school club and you collect them at 5 or 6. Or you hire a nanny to do all the running around after school.

redsummershoes · 06/12/2018 20:07

dh starts day earlier so picks up dc.
we both work full time but me working later and him earlier works well. plus we share all household tasks 50/50

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vinoandbrie · 06/12/2018 20:10

Used to have a full time nanny.

Now it’s after school club for the kids, and working a lot once they’re in bed.

Original poster
shatteredbyhavingitall · 06/12/2018 20:10

Thanks for your messages. I think it's harder because DH is away so 100% of the house and child stuff falls to me. I am officially working 4 days spread over 5 but it feels like 6 at the moment!

OP posts:
TranmereRover · 06/12/2018 20:10

Hired a nanny. What you're doing sounds unsustainable.

EmeraldVillage · 06/12/2018 20:11

Nanny

Believeitornot · 06/12/2018 20:12

Pay for after school care for three days a week..... then you can focus for those three days and not feel so stretched!

HappyHedgehog247 · 06/12/2018 20:12

Things I have done: hired a nanny, reduced hours to 3 days, made everything on weekdays as easy as poss-online shopping, enough uniform for the week etc. I also work for a smaller but still well regarded firm compared to the very big one I was at.

itsboiledeggsagain · 06/12/2018 20:15

I'd work 4 days over 4 days and take Wednesday off.

And I would work that pattern 2 days a week and "normal" hours 2 days. Clients will be more forgiving of a regular day off then working hours they don't understand

Mrscog · 06/12/2018 20:15

I think you need to do a couple of longer days where you use after school club. I find doing 2 days where I’m there until 5-6 ish helps a lot.

HappyHedgehog247 · 06/12/2018 20:16

Other things that helped were having a great team in place and a PA I worked really closely with to know what she needed to phone me about versus could wait or she could pass on and setting clients’ expectations up front explicitly and transparently. Depends on your firm culture whether you can do that.

HappyHedgehog247 · 06/12/2018 20:17

I also ageee with poster above. Colleagues and clients found it easier when I had complete non working days vs the school friendly pattern I now have.

tenbob · 06/12/2018 20:21

Have a full time nanny, and a cleaner twice a week

You shouldn't be busting a gut every day on house admin and cooking
Either get help for these or lower your standards, or get DH to help more

(Typing while on a conference call with the US, so I feel your pain)

SunnyintheSun · 06/12/2018 20:23

DH picks up a lot of the slack here. I guess I’d question why your DH gets to work away and do minimal childcare while you are doing it all? It seems to be a really common pattern for women to fall into after maternity leave. Can he pay for a nanny to pick up his 50pc of childcare responsibilities?

Unihorn · 06/12/2018 20:27

Do the children need all of the organised stuff after school? We do football once a week.

TBDO · 06/12/2018 20:44

You’re in a professional job and picking up all home slack because your DH works away. You should be able to afford to hire in help - after school club, nanny, cleaner who can do tidying/ being in for shopping delivery.

Trying to work school hour days and do ALL household management in a role like yours means you’re going to be completely exhausted. You can’t have it all by doing it all yourself.

Original poster
shatteredbyhavingitall · 06/12/2018 20:58

Thanks again everyone- it helps to get reassurance that I am not being pathetic for feeling exhausted! I hoped it would all feel easier now the children are both at school (8 and 5) but it doesn't! I do have a cleaner once a week and perhaps I need to increase that to twice.

I think I am trying to have the best of both worlds by keeping a senior level job and seeing the kids every day after school but it's killing me!

OP posts:
Betaday · 06/12/2018 21:02

Au pair an option?

thisshitgotreal · 06/12/2018 21:04

Totally feel your pain - I work a similar pattern and have similar guilt at letting clients and colleagues down.

Ultimately I don't want to pay for extra childcare and work longer days though - I want to see my kids! I want it all I guess...

I have no answers but I keep telling myself that they won't be small forever and if I can keep my head above water for the next 5 (or even 3!) years then I will feel more able to work longer hours when the kids are older...

thisshitgotreal · 06/12/2018 21:04

Mine are similar ages to yours btw

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 06/12/2018 21:09

I work for one of the Big 4, and living far from the office/childcare availability/trains etc meant I have moved from being a fee-earner into an internal role since having my son, as I wished to go part-time and my previous team didn't think it'd work for our clients. My husband is also in professional services and works away on and off/long hours, so like you, much of the responsibility for house/school/children falls to me. I have reduced my expectations for now career-wise as his earning potential is greater than mine right now, so I work 3 days per week and will gradually ramp up as the children go into school full time both, and depending on how they get to school as they're older.

As others have said, what helps is having support. I'm lucky to have my parents nearby who help with school pickup on my working days. I also had a nanny for a period when my parents weren't able to help.

I guess I'm realistic with myself that something's got to give, to save my sanity! So having a regular, lower expectation, steady role suits us better as a family right now. Who knows what a few years will bring; luckily I work for a fantastic supportive organisation so opportunities are still there for me.

LBOCS2 · 06/12/2018 21:53

We pay for the help. The DC do wraparound at a flexible childminder (and if that wasn't working, we'd have a nanny instead), I work three long days instead of five short days, and we have a cleaner and gardener - and outsource as much as possible, get hellofresh boxes on days I'm working, have dry cleaning and ironing collected and delivered, have a mechanic who will collect the car, pay to drive to the station and park there instead of getting the bus (it's more convenient and faster), have a regular Ocado delivery etc etc. It costs more but it makes life bearable. We could do it all at weekends but it sort of defeats the point of working your arse off for the money if you have no time to enjoy it as a family.

Nacreous · 06/12/2018 22:00

I think working 4 days a week over 5 is the absolute worst of all worlds in professional services. The days you work are going to be long days whether you are being paid for a full day or not, whereas it's at least vaguely plausible you could not work on your day off.

If you have a work mobile you can switch it off for the first few weeks of your non working day so people get the idea, and then maybe consider leaving it on so you can be got hold of in a crisis? Set up a proper out of office that comes on automatically. I'd suggest a Wednesday as then it's never more than 2 days at a time and never 3 days before you get back to a client.

Also, keep an eye on your portfolio, if that's something that applies to you: you neither want to end up with a full portfolio, nor do you want to just be stuck with the crap no one else wants. Is there a day with regular meetings (or a day without?) if so, make sure you don't miss that day.

redsummershoes · 06/12/2018 22:18

how about the other way round? 5 days compressed to 4.
would be easy(ish) to cover with wrap around/childminder/nanny and leaves you one day for the house admin, gym etc