How zombie-proof is your house?

[ApocalypseNowt]

It's something I wonder about quite a bit.

Say the zombie apocalypse is here. For whatever reason you can't leave your house with your bug out bag so you need to batten down the hatches and stay put. How suitable a stronghold would your house be?

I'm quietly confident about mine. It's a back to back terrace so no nasty surprises from the rear oo-er. The front yard is small but has a high wrought iron fence on top of a brick wall. Gate is high too and if i got a bike lock I think I'd be ok. If they did breach the yard windows are again quite high, some have bars on and our door is quite sturdy.

Final stand would be in the old coal cellar or the converted attic.

We have one spare room if anyone needs it btw.

Location, location, location - there was even a Kirsty and Phil show about it. Buy the most remote property you can find affording the best views of the encroaching hoardes.

Alternatively do as coffeebitch did and buy a place next to a primary school. Whilst the undead are chowing down on those sweet, innocent souls - coffee gets to grab her OFRS and order an Uber.

Could be worse. Am in a first floor flat so two doors and stairs that could be blocked off. However the back has a roof terrace, which means my sentient self could get out for supplies but non climbing zombies couldn't climb up. Plus I have quite a good view up and down my road.

I think they'd all come here. Easy access by road, open plan garden, back door mostly open unless it's sub zero outside.

DH wouldn't be perturbed, he'd probably invite them in for a cup of tea and get into an interesting discussion about their philosophies What sort of biscuits do you think they'd like? I'll get some in just in case.

Single glazing - we're fucked

In all seriousness I need to look at the fire escape plan situation (or lack of...). If there was a fire on the ground floor we’d be fucked...

As for zombies, judging by the callibre of the people in this village, we’d be looking at Day of the Dead slow moving zombies as opposed to the 28 Days Later runners

Would it be so bad to be a zombie? I mean, yes, they lose the occasional limb. But they're not worried about the mortgage, the data which has to be in next week, the leaky toilet...

This is true Matilda. Definite food for thought.... I could surely do with a zombie day from time to time.

MiddlingMum Cadbury's Fingers surely...?

I think we'd be goners. We are on a fekking huge housing estate with no wall to the front.

Zombies always seem fairly ineffectual to me, just stand there swaying and moaning

Ah, that depends which kind of zombie you get. If you have a Romaro-esque zombie, fair enough, but those world war z bastards ran like the wind and co-operated together to form a ramp of zombie bodies to scale a wall.

I've given this some thought. Mainly about the cats - dogs controllable, cats, not so much. If we had to flee, I'd have to zip them into a weekend bag. Then fight off everyone who wanted to eat them. Being cats, i bet they wouldn't even appreciate the effort!

If we stayed put, cellar. I need to start stockpiling food down there don't I? Garden is a courtyard, surrounded by 12' walls. Zombies can't climb can they?

DDs partner is as hard as they come. I would bet on her against the zombies any day of the week

Oh shit, just seen your post re. wall scaling zombies, Elfinablender.

Nah, zombies can't climb. Not in my post apocalyptic world anyhoo.

Omg I can't believe someone else also considers these important aspects of home safety. Sadly our house would fail miserably - too many windows. However I have planned my escape in case of apocalypse. I'm planning on heading to one of the isles- or up to Scottish highlands. Which ever is easier when all hell breaks loose. But honestly - is it wrong for me to build a food storage for when the apocalypse hits? Some may call this a pantry but it's a matter of good planning for me.

Well it starts on the first floor with only one ground floor entrance so that’s good. Over four floors so could be useful (zombies aren’t great with stairs right?). Top floor has a door at the door of the stairs with one of those round knobs that are difficult to open. There is potential to escape through the roof access onto neighbouring roofs if necessary. The main issue would be reinforcing the door that opens onto the street.

Absolutely tip top secure. DS and I have our individual Zombie plans and tasks stuck to the fridge. We are prepped and ready. Thank you Haynes Zombie Manual.

We live in a county where every house has to have a nuclear bunker, So it's made the job easier.

Slightly scary was seeing the primary school underground bunker, when we had a concert in one of the rooms.

The thought of being a teacher, stuck for goodness knows how long with DS's class. 😂😂😂

Canned goods feature heavily in my zombie apocalypse plans 👍

Spam that could be an excellent defence - zip cats into bag, wait for them to become irate (shake them up a bit) then unleash them on attacking zombies!

I've seen zombies in movies and they're fucking lumbering idiots. They can't even work handles. Think drunk people.

I never really worry about zombies

Storms, fires, terror attacks, floods etc but Zombies just don't factor

They're fictional... aren't they??!

Weirdly this is something I think about a lot. We also have a back to back terrace with a walled garden. All I really need to do is secure the front windows and we should be fine. I live 10 minutes from a functional underground bunker.

House would be safe plus we have a huge workshop full of fantastic tools/weapons!

I'm confident we'd do ok.

Terrible. We'd be toast

@hlob not entirely. Look up Fijian zombies. Far scarier than any zombie film.

They're fictional... aren't they??!

Yeah, but people have actually died in fires, storms and terror attacks so a self indulgent assessment of how to hold the fort and get the fuck out of dodge feels less shitty if you make it about zombies.