@diangled a second recommendation here for Winstons Wish they are a fabulous charity (I worked with them when they had just started) they don't just deal with the aftermath of a parental death but will work with the whole family as they navigate their own path through treatment, preparation and following bereavement.
This is getting serious now, a shiny new iPad complete with Apple Pencil has arrived for use in hospital, the old one was nearly full and I think I deserve it. Bugger, I've just discovered a cold cup of tea next to me, ah the distraction of new technology.
DH and I don't argue often, it's more words than shouting but there are a few things that are always close to the surface sure to get us going. Included are exw issues, which considering the youngest is now 22 shouldn't feature in our lives at all. But his dc need and deserve support so we do cross swords sometimes because I don't think he gets involved enough. I wish sometimes I could sit and have a conversation with her but it's never going to happen. Intimacy is another which we are working on and then there is the biggest problem in our lives my eldest ds.
My second born, not an easy child, hyperactive, I guess now it would be adhd, hugely affected by the DV I suffered at the hands of his father, always in trouble at school, damaged by my second marriage, £££ invested in counselling, lovely prep school specialising in dyslexia and a small secondary with lots of support. Despite all of that he morphed into the teenager from hell. At fourteen I found an interesting houseplant in his bedroom and predictably he refused to talk to me about it. At this point I'm a single mum with five kids and no family support so I went for a short sharp shock approach. I did give him the opportunity to come and discuss his sudden interest in horticulture with me or I would phone the police. I got met with many expletives which his siblings translated as "you f!^*king person of suspect parentage, you wouldn't dare grass your own kid up". The rozzers duly arrived and as I was alone with four other kids and we lived in a very remote location I sadly couldn't accompany him to the police station. It was the early hours of the morning before an appropriate adult could be found, he spent a night and some of the next day in the cells and it did seem to do the trick for a while.
He became an angry young man with drug and alcohol problems, the only thing he had in common with the mother of his eldest child was a dealer, he did settle down and had two ore children with his long term partner but they split three years ago due to his drinking. He did rehab, spent a year dry and then met someone, they weren't good for each other and he started drinking again. He moved in with us to sort himself out, rules were no drinking/drugs, work and he started to make progress, dh and I go on holiday and the girlfriend has moved in, her parents are renovating and she's nowhere to go. Next thing she's pregnant.
Long story but we help them get set up in new home, baby arrives and three months later she leaves. He moves in with us again for support and the three youngest are here for half the week. I recently discovered he was drinking again and decided that rather than helping him I was enabling him, he's very good at quoting AA stuff at me so I took a leaf out of his book and did the same. I apologised to him for enabling his drinking and told him he was no longer able to stay here on his days off ( he works in the neighbouring city, and has accommodation there).
He is my son and I love him but I've had to tell the dm's of his four dc that he's drinking again and he can't be here because of that. They are understandably upset, hurt, angry and somewhat inconvenienced by this but quite frankly I've had enough.
I miss the dgc but we can at least enjoy them as grandparents should.
So there you have it, my rotten apple, the black sheep, whatever label fits. He needs help but this time I can't be involved. I feel as if I've failed him, he tells me so. It's a fucking tragedy.