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Handhold, in HDU with respiratory failure and terrified

967 replies

Seafour · 22/11/2018 04:28

Just that, is anyone awake?

OP posts:
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ArtisanBaps · 26/11/2018 18:49

Hello @Seafour

I’ve also been reading your thread for the last few days and wanted to say ‘hi’ and generally marvel at your inner strength and grit. Thanks for sharing your story.

I have a friend who has been through multiple quite harrowing illnesses and he says he found the same happened with friends gradually drifting away. It was made worse by the fact that he would suddenly ‘disappear from view’ either into hospital or staying in away from germs, as he’s immuno-compromised. I think that when that happened lots of people assumed he was just busy getting on with life, not realising he was so ill.

Anyway, I hope you’ve had a comfortable day. Flowers

Seafour · 26/11/2018 19:00

I don't think I have much more to add at the moment other than dh has taken early retirement and this year has been such an eye opener for him, for the first time he's witnessed my daily struggles, attended every hospital appointment and followed an ambulance nine times. We are more in love than ever.

My mother died and I regretted going to the funeral, some good has come from her death though in a most unexpected form. My eldest brother has slowly begun to realise that he had been manipulated and controlled by her his whole life and that I'm not a nasty evil person. We have spent more time together this year than in the previous forty and in his late fifties he's found love. I lost an evil narcissistic mother and gained a big brother, he cares about me a lot and that feels nice.

There was an annual grandson in 2017 but not this year, and we are planning on going to NZ next year. I had my cabin pressure test recently and to fly I need 4L of oxygen and ventilation to do so safely.

My skin has changed, I no longer look grey, my hair which I thought had thinned due to my age is lustrous and curly again, I have nails that aren't soft and flakey, my eyesight has improved but my cognitive function is the best bit. I enjoy playing backgammon again, I can watch a whole movie without falling asleep, throw dinner parties, go to the pub, do crosswords and a fiendish sudoku. I also discovered a wonderful community of supportive women, some of whom I really hope to meet in person one day.

My youngest dd has got a diagnosis at last, there is no cure and she will always be disabled, but she is one kick ass lady not only did she struggle her way through a Chemistry degree when most people would have given up but went on to secure a fully funded PhD too, we remain closer than ever. Her diagnosis also solved the conundrum of my excruciating head pain.

My son with ms got married in July, his sister came from NZ and her daughters were bridesmaids. Nineteen of us went on honeymoon with them and the cousins played on the beach, visited castles and created precious memories.

This summer has been wonderful, I have been high on the colour of leaf buds, blossom, dandelions, butterflies, roses, grass and the sky.

So how did I survive the unsurvivable injury? Doctors haven't been able to answer that, at first it was assumed my paralysis was partial but investigators showed that my diaphragm is completely inactive. I was very fit when it happened and didn't stop moving until the second injury, both of these things helped without a doubt, it gave my body a chance to work out a different way of surviving. But it's still unexplained from a medical point of view.

I've had a strong Christian faith all my adult life, to be frank my life was so shit I had to have something to cling onto and I truly believe that there is a plan for everyone, I don't know why my plan has to involve so much pain and suffering but I have to trust that there is a bigger picture that I can't see. There has to be a purpose, maybe it's about educating medics about listening, maybe the next time a surfer is hit in the back of the neck the advice will be immobilise but do not lay flat, maybe medical text books will change and a paralysed diaphragm won't mean a tracheotomy and permanently being ventilated. I don't know, but I trust a higher power than me does. Some good will come of this, it has to.
It's simply not my time to go, it's never been my time to go, when it is my pain and suffering will end and I will be reunited with the people I've lost who matter to me, that will be nice.

I have no anger, no resentment but I do have sadness over ten lost years of seeing the world in all of its glory. I can clearly see ways in which the NHS could work so much more effectively and gaps in nurse training that put lives at risk every day.

Thank you for holding my hand.

I'm very happy to answer any questions and I do mean anything.

I was completely ignorant about spinal cord injury, I would see someone in a wheelchair and know that their legs didn't work but I never though about how else they were affected so ask away, nothing is off limits.

OP posts:
AntsDeck · 26/11/2018 19:39

❤️

Atreus · 26/11/2018 20:13

Oh my word...just reading your story has made me feel so many things...exhausted, humbled, embarrassed at being a shitty witch about things that really don't matter...but mainly privileged that you would share so openly. It's really made me think differently about things I thought mattered and actually really don't. Thank you for so eloquently and human-ly (is that a word?) sharing your story...every time across the last few days I have had a spare minute I have checked back to see if you've posted again. Please please find a way to make your story reach more people.

Seafour · 26/11/2018 20:23

Antsdeck thank you, I love hearts

Atreus this process has been good for me, I really hope it doesn't end here. I still don't believe that my story can possibly be interesting to others but to know that it might help someone not sweat the small stuff is humbling for me. I think I have a good life now, hopefully it will be even better following my next surgery and the long recovery.

I have plans, so many plans.

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FannyFifer · 26/11/2018 20:34

I noticed u mentioning headaches a few times and I wondered do you have autonomic dysreflexia?

FannyFifer · 26/11/2018 20:35

You should write a book. X

InflagranteDelicto · 26/11/2018 20:40

I'm so sorry to hear of your bunnies. They are beautiful. Youngest dd wants some, but can't until the dog dies. Some days the dog's days are numbered!

Having heard about the recent claim against its spinal unit - it wasnt SMH you were in, was it?

Your writing is brilliant. I also can't picture you as a bolshy, excluded 14yo! Thanks for sharing your story, your insight is fascinating.

Seafour · 26/11/2018 21:04

Fanny I do have some issues with my autonomic nervous system but the head pain has been lifelong and caused by a genetic condition. If I'm unwell I get a low temperature, last week I was admitted with a temp of 34.1 but I felt hot and sweaty.

Inflag I was far from bolshy, shy, reserved but had been groomed by a monster who got me pregnant, that's why I was expelled from school.

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GoodHeavensNoImAChicken · 26/11/2018 22:24

May I ask if the condition you’re speaking of is ehlers danlos syndrome?

Seafour · 26/11/2018 23:32

Goodheavans yes it is and probably the reason that my spine has moved so dramatically in the last three years. I happened to mention in passing that my dd got a diagnosis at a routine appt with my surgeon, he was keen to get me assessed prior to surgery but it makes sense of a lot of things that didn't fit with my injuries. The head pain is chiari malformation but I'm guessing you already knew that

We had hoped that they had got my ds diagnosis wrong and that his MS was in fact EDS but sadly not.

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MarieVanGoethem · 27/11/2018 04:30

Ah yes, the superfuntimes EDS Spinal Sense Of Adventure. It just adds a certain edge to the rest of the merriment really, I find. Have in fact been trying to clickcrunch my spine while reading this thread...

WRT beaches, while I get going & not being able to surf & otherwise use beach as you used to = potentially Miserable, would it be worth checking out options for visiting a beach with beach!wheelchairs? I know St Andrews has them, for example - & have a friend who very much recommends them, despite fact they are, perforce, transport chairs & she - understandably - generally has no truck with such things.

Sadly I know what you mean about potential for toxic cultures building on wards. I live in fear of ending up admitted to my local hospital rather than trust that managed my care as ward I usually end up on (their step down from HDU type-thing) is... basically the nursing staff actively delight in bullying the patients & beyond “just” verbal & physical intimidation will withhold care & lie in notes to cover things up. And I’ve been too frightened of ending up back there again to complain about them...

Hope that your surgery on the 6th goes well. I’m having long overdue GI surgery on the 18th & am busily reminding my body it’s managed a whole lifetime of Not Being In Hospital For Christmas, frequently to the astonishment of people treating me on, say, the 22nd December, it shouldn’t go changing that now. Not least because even with personalised mealplans from dietitians I tend to end up with some “interesting” meals - I fear Christmas dinner in hospital would be an EXCEPTIONALLY miserable meal. (Because I will be eating, and I’m not having another NJ tube. Nope. My weight absolutely IS going to start going up. Might have to be by magic given vegan pseudo mars bars don’t seem to be cutting it, but it is...)

MintyT · 27/11/2018 05:11

Your life needs to be a movie or at least a book sending love

Seafour · 27/11/2018 08:26

Marie it makes me so sad that you feel afraid to complain about your ward, have you spoken to your consultant about it?
I found that going in with a health passport which acts as a manual for my care helped enormously, having someone to act as my advocate, and meeting with the ward manager prior to going in.

It's not right that patients live in fear of those who are given the privilege of caring for them.

I'm lucky I don't have any EDS GI issues but my dd does.

OP posts:
Seafour · 27/11/2018 08:27

Minty that's really kind, before I became disabled I had often thought about writing about my childhood but wouldn't have done it while my parents were still alive.

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Racheyg · 27/11/2018 08:47

Wow, I'm reading this on the way to work on the tube. Like everyone I have "shit" days but reading your thread seafour makes me realise how lucky I am.

You sound so strong. X

Seafour · 27/11/2018 09:00

Today I face a moral dilemma. I'm not at all certain that I will be fit for surgery in nine days time, there is an outside chance that my recovery speeds up and I'll be fine but I'm not hopeful.

Do I:

a) cancel and give the six consultants involved in my surgery the opportunity to make use of a full twenty four hours of theatre time. They may be able to organise another complex case in those nine days or at least a number of smaller, less complex cases.
b) wait and see if I feel fit enough.

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Seafour · 27/11/2018 09:06

Rach thank you, oh gosh I miss the tube so much, I spent my early childhood in London and always considered it home, later on I had the best of both worlds, living in the country and being able to work for clients in London. I haven't been for several years, too long, much too long.

My dd is much more adventurous than me, her wheelchair hasn't stopped her going anywhere or doing anything.

OP posts:
MintyT · 27/11/2018 10:54

Wait and see put yourself 1st. Wishing you well

Racheyg · 27/11/2018 11:35

Sorry if my post was worded wrong. Your writing is amazing and you should follow your heart and write more.

MarieVanGoethem · 27/11/2018 12:02

“Step-free” access on the tube isn’t that great so while I very much advocate coming to play in London because it is clearly made of awesome, buses (despite the many threads on here) are generally a better bet than tubes. I have a “lightweight” chair (so weighs more than 1/3 of what I do) that I can’t self-propel far/long so when I can’t walk I’m stuck at home with the cats. (The cats consider this to be excellent. They particularly enjoy shopping that appears in boxes. Not the fact it involves strangers venturing near the house, clearly, but, well, boxes... Have to be careful when they want to “help” unpack the food shopping. For obligate carnivores they’re terribly excited about the idea of exploring vegan foods...

As for Ward Of Doom, I’d only end up there in Serious Emergency. All my care is now managed by neighbouring Trust. I had 2 sets of reconstructive knee surgery when I was younger that landed me there (surgeon looked at my wonky connective tissue & at fact my muscles don’t relax under anaesthetic & basically went “well, that’s weird, isn’t it?” leading to decision that probably letting him at my knees again was not a plan) but admission after having my appendix out a fortnight after knee-surgery-elsewhere was... Particularly Grim. (Yes, yes, I deliberately didn’t get my appendix removed on one of the previous occasions it went a bit mad [technical pathology term, of course] in order to instead do it just after New Year & personally inconvenience you... busted...” Hmm )

Could you discuss situation with lead consultant? Am guessing they’ll have a Must Know By date to be able to realistically reallocate theatre time & negotiate with bed manager etc... will cross everything & hold my thumbs for you that it can go ahead as planned.

purpleunicorns · 27/11/2018 12:03

Option B. If there's even the slightest chance that you'll be well enough then take it

Seafour · 27/11/2018 12:19

Rach no your post was perfect, I was picturing you on the tube reading my words and in that instant I was there with you, it was lovely.

Having said that I did once have a perv rub his erection up against me on a packed tube, I asked a nice looking man to swop places with me in a very loud voice and told him why. He did and gave the Perverse twat a death stare, I stood there seething and feeling dirty the perv got off at the next station and I was going to continue my journey but at the last minute got off and used my very heavy briefcase to disable him with a swinging nut whack.

I almost got arrested but when he was recognised as a serial offender I went on my way, missed my train though.

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TheMShip · 27/11/2018 13:06

Seafour you star! I hate those bloody tube pervs.

TheViceOfReason · 27/11/2018 14:08

Thank you for taking the time and effort to have typed all of that up OP.

I have been disgusted and enraged over the last 11 pages of this thread by the way you have been historically failed by friends, family, society and the medical profession.

It is a testament to your strength and force of character that you survived - and have come this far whilst retaining a sense of humour, empathy, and the ability to continue to see good in people instead of expecting the worst of everybody.

I genuinely am in awe (and i'm a hard nosed bitch who has never said that to anybody in her life!).

I'm so happy that you have rebuilt bonds with your family, and that you have finally got great nursing and personal support.

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