DH has man flu. Do I have to organise a proper burial for him, or can I just plant him under the patio?

[FuckKnuckle]

I can just about bear the exaggerated coughing and sniffing, and the little groany noises when he has to get up out of his chair. I can even grit my teeth and put up with the little puffing noises he makes when he's breathing (oh, god, the breathing...) But I have to admit, when he went out of the room just now muttering to himself in a little voice that I was obviously supposed to hear "Tell me I'll feel better soon..." I nearly battered him to death with the remote control.

He's usually a wonderful husband, but let him get a whiff of a cold virus and he turns into Camille. Is this a common thing, or am I just unlucky?

I remember 'lapsing in and out of consciousness'!

That'll be while I'm bashing you over the head shouting, 'you've only got a cold', I expect.

MFCH - definitely monthly insurance premiums, or would the WHO give it a grant, do you think?

@zighazigha (not envy)

FuckKnuckle DH's is always paired with the long johns of horror. One day I shall set fire to the bloody lot to release the demons. It's the only way.

I suggest you ask him which he prefers before being merciful and putting him out of his misery with a spade.

My oh once told me his kidneys hurt and he didnt feel well.
Yep...kindeys..plural
Whole new level of man ill.

Livers even. Ffs

Im not stupid honest. Battling severe lack of sleep.

I've a got a cold, sore throat, stomach pain, no energy and my period arrive two days late. I'm still going to work tomorrow (nhs) and if any adult starts telling me about the sniffle they've had for a day, I'm gonna hango up the phone.

The young manfluers who get theither mums to call really annoy me.

Oh God, the Man Flu. My ex DH got this an was obviously more ill than anyone else ever. The 'ill whisper', the dressing gown of doom, the 'I feel like I've been hit by a truck'. Absolutely zero strength though did always manage to make it to the fridge for snacks. Used to drive me completely mad.

Interestingly we did get a new patio done but he's no longer around as we divorced. Honest !!

My DH is also guilty of all of the above. He's always more poorly that you. The exaggerated coughing, oh my god, it's like a huge breath in then a fake throaty growl.

He fell on the bathroom floor once and made a loud bang, I came running in to see if he was ok...he was up, walking around I said ' are you ok dh' he replied 'well I am feeling quite bronchial'...no shit, I meant a you ok from the fall. I had no idea he had apparently been feeling bronchial even though he had been fine all day. Idiot.

You need to get a clipboard and very briskly start asking him what sort of funeral he wants. "DH, we've never discussed this, but as you're so poorly and unlikely to survive this terrible illness, can we spend a few minutes discussing your funeral?"

Then show him the various headings: hymns, people to notify/invite, where to hold the wake, which charity to donate to in lieu of flowers, what sort of coffin to choose, where his will is kept, etc. Take it all really deadly seriously and with a look of real business-like concern.

You might find it helps him recover...

@Dead, when you take the long johns outside for burning, please, for your own safety, tie up the waist and the ends of both the legs so that no man flu germs can escape into the atmosphere. Who knows what damage they could do?

@TheDogsMother, I believe you. Tell me, did you dig the hole and lay the patio yourself, or did you just slip the nice workmen a few extra fivers and provide doughnuts with their tea?

@Middling, genius...if he's still at it tomorrow I might just do that very thing!

@FuckKnuckle (Whispers). It's amazing what can be achieved with a few extra packs of Chocolate HobNobs

My ex used to do the disgusting throat clearing,non stop.
So glad just to look very similar n a house where we have colds now.

Is he doing the Ill Voice and the manky Dressing Gown of Doom, @FuckKnuckle?

Dh never has a cold - at best, it is flu (even though I tell him every fecking time that if he is well enough to go to work or to walk the dogs, he has a cold, not the flu), and if he is feeling exceptionally sorry for himself, it is Ebola.

He gets no sympathy from me.

Mine makes feeble attempts to get my sympathy but as I have aspergers my empathy and sympathy are limited at the best of times. A bloody man and his snot are getting zilch from me, doesn't stop DH making a show of the sniffing, having that doleful look on his face, you know, that one that says I'm-utterly-pathetic-sympathy-is-needed-now, look. Plus the moaning and barely can talk voice.

I don't even so much as glance at him. Manbulance this way (best word ever btw OP).

Tell your sick DH and DPs if they want sympathy to look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

I'm assuming that you are all trying to be amusing to help yourselves deal with the horrific suffering you are witnessing with your poor DPs.
I won't bore you all with the details of my suffering in the last month as I succumbed, recovered, but horrifyingly relapsed with Manflu.
I am barely able to summon the energy to type this, I am so weak, but I'll try as I'm quite brave.
My Dp is unable to fathom the symptoms or the mental anguish I suffer. My only hope is knowing I may have only hours, or worse, days left before I hopefully die.
I wasn't allowed to die at home today, my Dp heartlessly insisted that I continue to go to work, though, I like to think she knows I can manage as she is always saying how brave I am.
I send sympathy to all the poor souls who suffer like I do!

By the way, the Manflu clinic sounds great, will air ambulances be available to take the worst cases like me, as I may not survive a normal ambulance journey?

DH has been feeling ever so sorry for himself for the last week and was texting me about his sore throat. I am 33 weeks pregnant and I replied "if it makes you feel better, I have sore hips, a very sore rib and barely slept because the baby was kicking my bladder all night". "Now I feel like a wimp", he replied. That may have been my intention... 😈

Whilst I don't disagree with the very idea of a MFCH, who do you propose will be staffing them? And how much will they be paid?!

If he's still unwell, get him to take one of these thrice daily. If he's exceptionally unwell tell him it's a suppository.

Rather than show you his snotty tissues, he'd be better off checking out the [https://manflu.info/snotometer/snotometer.htm ManFlu Snotometer]] as a guide to the progression of his illness.

There is some science behind the suggestion that flu may affect men and women differently - was an article in the Christmas BMJ last year (which gives you an idea of how serious the science is....) Harvard summed it up in a blog post which is mildly entertaining reading.

Doh. Should have previewed.

Clicky link to Snotometer

DH has the poorly arm too. A cup placed on the side will be reached for with a floppy and uncoordinated hand, with much scrabbling about for the handle. It will then be shakily lifted to the lips with both hands, being as one arm is clearly too weak to bear the weight of a full mug of coffee
Both DH and teen DS have had the man flu, it's been batted between the pair of them for the past two weeks but thankfully we're in the closing stages. DH now only has the "oh so tired" tiredness and DS has the hacking cough of an 80 a day smoker. I OTOH have discovered wells of willpower I never knew I possessed