DH has man flu. Do I have to organise a proper burial for him, or can I just plant him under the patio?

[FuckKnuckle]

I can just about bear the exaggerated coughing and sniffing, and the little groany noises when he has to get up out of his chair. I can even grit my teeth and put up with the little puffing noises he makes when he's breathing (oh, god, the breathing...) But I have to admit, when he went out of the room just now muttering to himself in a little voice that I was obviously supposed to hear "Tell me I'll feel better soon..." I nearly battered him to death with the remote control.

He's usually a wonderful husband, but let him get a whiff of a cold virus and he turns into Camille. Is this a common thing, or am I just unlucky?

@Adora, good point. Should I stuff some in the bird feeders, too?

We (me and dc) have a cold - life is still running normally with a few extra tissues and a bit of paracetamol.... I can already hear myself next week 'yeah, it's the same thing I had last week ', 'no I don't think it's flu', 'why don't you take a paracetamol and go fuck off to bed?'

Jen mine does 15 minute obs too.

I was just debating which bin he should go out in, as I'm too tired for patio excavation (thanks to all the super loud sneezing coughing and nose-trumpeting all night) and too close to Christmas for me to be shelling out on a proper send-off

Oh god, mines got it too, maybe we can club together for a joint removal? I don’t mind dumping him in a shared skip

I was thinking a whole bottle of zoflora in there too. Keep the germs and whiff down

Will wheel the bin out tonight as the cold should finish him off a lot more quietly

Oh yes, hilarious, bless you, bless you, bless you, STFU!!!

In on my 3rd cold in 3 weeks (joys of being on medication that surpresses my immune system) DH has had a cold since Friday, hasn't got out of bed (meanwhile I've been carrying on as normal) the worst part is he doesn't use paper tissues, has always used cotton hankies like an old man - which means there's disgusting snot rags everywhere!! I'm sure murder must be allowable...

Confuzzlediddled you heartless creature! You know you’ve just got a lady cold & your poor DH has got MAN FLU, how could he possibly carry on as normal!!

Imvfho, this is the real reason women in so many cultures have wangled a Red Tent.

Ugh, this is my DH all over.

"Whyyyyy are my colds always 10 times worse than yourrrrrrrs, LimpShade?"

I had a c section 4 weeks ago, in that time my DH has had two colds. He is obviously far more ill than I am!!
What drives me insane is that he tells me every ten minutes how bad he feels or how the snot is ‘pouring out of him’. Last night at dinner he tried to show me his snot. Last time he was ill I snapped and said ‘you don’t need to keep telling me you’re ill, I’ll just presume you still feel shit until you tell me otherwise’. He got in a right stop about how insensitive I am.

you evil woman!!!!! cant you see he is suffering, call the manflublance! STAT!

Mine currently has A Very Sorry Knee. Its really very sorry and we all have to be reminded of its soreness by exaggerated gurning and loud worrying about if it will support his weight.

I have fibromyalgia. I wish I just had a sore knee.

On the other hand, this is the man who ignored a chest infection for a WHOLE YEAR and needed powerful antibiotics that made him ill.
I'm going to threaten to amputate his leg soon if he doesn't stop though.

Sorry? Sore! Stupid auto cucumber.

@Chunky, yes, he's very good at the updates. I have tried to impress upon him that he'll actually get more sympathy and understanding if he doesn't keep whinging, but it didn't make any difference.

I have just been woken up with a cup of tea (good) and the words, "I'm shifting a lot of muck when I cough now." (Bad. Very bad.)

And good morning to you too, oh light of my life.

I like the pp's suggestion that we club together and take out a group contract on them...

@Shriek, did you manage to get him and the Zoflora in the bin? At least if he survived the night he'll smell nice.

Mine also does the dressing gown of doom, along wth ‘I like you’ so you know he wants sympathy.
I just relegate him to the spare room with supplies and tell him to surface once he is better.
Yes, I am a nurse. You need to be dying for any sympathy to be expressed,and death would have to be imminent. 😁

mines in the 'recovery' stage

Stills snores like a dying whale though. I'd still hear him under the patio.

Better bludgeon him to death or suffocate him in the MANY tissues he manages to leave about, and get a good nights sleep.

Mine walks around with narrowed eyes

Go to a spa hotel to de-germ yourself and let him die in peace. They really are rubbish aren't they!

OMFG. The throat clearing usually done to the rhythm of 'That's the way (ahum ahum) I like it' Bastard KC and the Sunshine Band.
And holding onto the furniture 'I hope I can make it to the toilet'
WHAT!! You had fucking better make it.
Bad bad wife

He needs a 'home remedy' concoction. Of the type parents have been known to give 'poorly' children who may need to miss school. Cod liver oil, raw garlic, ginger and fresh lemon juice should do it. To be drunk copiously until cure. All very restorative .

I found some cod liver oil (in oil form, not capsules) in mum's kitchen when my brother and I were clearing stuff out. My brother tried it and it was eye watering apparently. OMFG the look on his face! Give him that! So rank, and it repeats on you all day. It's got to be healthy, it'll certainly take his mind off snot.

This is the reason I pay for a second green wheelie bin. I'm not sure I could fit him in one.

The tissue inspecting is bad, but it's the seeking a second opinion on the collected sputum sample that really makes me lose my temper. "That's solids now, look at it."