DH has man flu. Do I have to organise a proper burial for him, or can I just plant him under the patio?

[FuckKnuckle]

I can just about bear the exaggerated coughing and sniffing, and the little groany noises when he has to get up out of his chair. I can even grit my teeth and put up with the little puffing noises he makes when he's breathing (oh, god, the breathing...) But I have to admit, when he went out of the room just now muttering to himself in a little voice that I was obviously supposed to hear "Tell me I'll feel better soon..." I nearly battered him to death with the remote control.

He's usually a wonderful husband, but let him get a whiff of a cold virus and he turns into Camille. Is this a common thing, or am I just unlucky?

I have not been overthinking this at all have had an idea...

Instead of clubbing together to take out contracts or hire a skip, why don't we organise a sort of care home for those stricken with man flu? At the first sign of a sniffle, we could call a manbulance to whisk the infected individual off to a place where he and all the other victims could do the old man shuffle all day in their dressing gowns of doom and moan, groan and compare snot to their heart's content. There could be "Shades of Snot" colour charts on the walls and a bar serving various cough remedies.

I can hear the conversations now...

"Ohhh, my throat is so SORE..."
"You're lucky if you've only got a sore throat, mate! Look what I've just done in this tissue. LOOK at it!"
"Can somebody please feel my forehead? I'm sure I'm developing a fever..."

And then they can be delivered back home when they're all better.

Don't put him under that patio....didn't you watch Brookside!!!!

Put him in the flower beds...then at least he will feed the roses

DH gets the sneezes

Oh boy, the sneezes...but it's not DH, it's me! I'm rarely unwell, but if I do get a cold I could turn sneezing into an olypmic sport. DH once counted 31 in a row, there's not a damn thing I can do to stop them either although I usually try to leave the room.

I'm liking the Man Flu Care Home. Could need minimal staffing too, if all residents were issued with an Ipad on arrival, which they can log their 15 mins obs into along with an emoji to show how awful they're feeling. A series of auto-replies could go back, 'oh you poor thing', 'you're in the right place', 'definitely need to rest some more'.

They could even have software to make graphs and spreadsheets out of their data and a forum for sharing.

My dh used to have a dressing gown that he only ever donned as an official badge of poorliness. I cut it up and made it into cloth nappies for my children's dolls and still smile some years later when I see them.

Thehorseandhisboy (ref to CS Lewis?) my DH has his 'poorly pyjamas' ....he usually sleeps naked so when these come out I know he is ill.... and he also starts popping vitamin pills like crazy.

I feel guilty complaining about my husband when he has man-flu...because he can't take any of the decongestants/cough medicines etc that make it tolerable for me. It's paracetamol if he has a fever/aches/pains and water. That's his lot.

However despite having a life limiting illness hence being unable to mix tablets and take decongestants when he has man-flu you'd actually believe he's dying compared with the staunch attitude he has towards every day life.

So if you open your man-flu care home please post the details so I can ship my husband there if he's stricken down because next time he might truly be fertiliser if I have to deal with it again...

DS (9 weeks) and I have had colds for a week. My cough was so bad i was sick. DH caught it and said i'll be ok, I just need a good night's sleep'.

Could have lamped him.

This thread is brilkiant
Last time he was ill I snapped and said ‘you don’t need to keep telling me you’re ill, I’ll just presume you still feel shit until you tell me otherwise’.
I'm stealing that
And the coughing to that's the way (aha aha) I like it
I've just tried it, brackets and all, and I see what you mean

And the poorly pajamas
I'm nominating this for classics. I'm laughing so much I've given myself a sore throat

Do you think I should go to the doctor?

When my DH is ill, he knows that diva like behaviour will end up with a visit to the septic tank 🤣

I decided on the garden rubbish bin, threw in plenty of leaves and sticks to muffle the coughs and sneezing and topped off with zoflora, which, as I explained to him, would help with his stuffy nose and breathing.

I had such a great nights sleep, and all quiet on the manflu front!

What's this about a red tent @upstartcrow

StealthPolarBear sore throat? You need an ambulance at the very least, probably one with a high speed police escort to be on the safe side

Actually it was really bad of me to post that video because I am lucky enough to have a DH who REALLY DOESN'T GET MAN FLU. He is very good when ill, takes meds and hides away. But he's a paramedic and is so rude about people who call ambulances unnecessarily he'd struggle to get away with a decent episode of hypochondria.

Purple my dp is Australian so I laughed extra hard at that video ( I know they are kiwis but it’s close enough )

I'm pretty sure DH's dressing gown of doom was about to crawl off of its own accord. It's currently out on the line. Stinky horrid thing.

He's had haemorrhoids the last week or so and whilst I don't doubt they are uncomfortable and nasty, I didn't make this much fuss after my c section. You'd think he was dying the way he's carried on. The theatrics about suppositories! Frankly I'm sick to death of hearing about his bastard arse.

I feel guilty complaining about my husband when he has man-flu...because he can't take any of the decongestants/cough medicines etc that make it tolerable for me. It's paracetamol if he has a fever/aches/pains and water. That's his lot.
I mean , yes I’m sorry for him. But I would probably just point out that’s how every pregnant lady has to do it. Along with a depressed immune system and being pregnant, which for many of us (i.e. me!) is a whole new misery in itself.

I think FuckKnuckle is onto something with the Man Flu Care Home. It could be really profitable as there wouldn't need to be a doctor on site as no-one is actually ill.

My 4 year old keeps sniffing... and sniffing... and sniffing... and sniffing...

Now he's realised it's grating on my he is doing it in my face and on purpose.

He has no snot.

Why can't they die in bed? Why does it have to be this huge performance on the sofa? If you're that sick you take to your bed instead of commanding sympathy from all and sundry.

Which MNer was it whose DH was dozing on the sofa and dolefully reported to her that he had been "lapsing in and out of consciousness"?!

I loved that

Whenever DH is the last to get whatever's doing the rounds he is convinced he has it worse than everyone else because "it's evolved".

I also have to listen to him complain repeatedly that he hates being ill. Oh right, because everyone else LOVES it!

Some excellent suggestions about how to set up the MFCH. I am liking the idea of issuing each sufferer with a tablet (an electronic one, as opposed to the ones they will undoubtedly be taking) so they can log the progression of their disease. They'll feel nicely vindicated being able to see it all displayed in graph form.

@DeadButDelicious, sounds as though our DHs' dressing gowns are very similar. His fell on the floor this morning, and when I picked it up I got a waft of its full loveliness. And it has little snail trails inside the front at crotch height. I'm hoping he manages to drag himself back to work tomorrow so I can boil it with bleach. It's dark blue, but at this point I don't care any more!

Shriek, is it still nice and peaceful there, or has he managed to fight his way out of the bin and dropped leaves and twigs all over your carpet?

I find men with colds repellent. Once had sex with one and a globule of snot fell out of his nose and into my eye. I don't think he noticed.