I bought some tampons once with a cardboard applicator. Don't ask me how, but I put one in early on a Sunday morning and the fucking applicator didn't come out. I noticed a couple of hours later while I was in the bath having a good wash up there and it started disintigrating as I tried to get it out.
Panicked, got my son (who has aspergers) to call my sister who's the school nurse to ask her advice. I was getting more panicked and he's acting as a go between, she's not quite sure what he's saying (the poor sod also has a stammer). In the end he didn't actually asked her if she wanted him to change the call to a facetime one so she could see what the problem was (we both drew the line at that)
Cue a trip to the local walk in centre who didn't do internals, sent me to the walk in clinic at one hospital - poor woman tried her best but only got a bit out. Said I had to go to A&E because it was a foreign object and it would have to come out by any means necessary.
Walk into A&E, first person I see is my mums neighbour, first thing she says in the middle of A&E is 'What are you doing here?' They'd changed A&E and it's now more open plan with no discreet area to tell the receptionist I had a tampon applicator stuck inside my fanny adams. That started the nearest bloke sniggering.
Doctor finally calls me in, the first thing I said to him was I'm not half glad they don't film 24 hours in A& E here'. He then proceeded to get the fucker out but it took a while. At one point the poor bloke's chin was resting on my foot while he was tugging away. Half way through he apologies for not being able to get it out sooner, but the problem, apparantley, was my 'bulging vagina'
Seriously, you couldn't make it up. If you're his wife, reading this, I apologise if he came home and told you the story over your Sunday roast!