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Original poster

Pregnant, been with boyfriend a year and he wont move in

94 replies

Winsister · 15/11/2018 06:00

Me and my boyfriend have known eachother since May 17, got together October 17 and now we're 5 and a half months pregnant.
We live a few miles away from eachother see eachother less.
I've asked him to move in with me, as I have 3 other kids and a house while he lives in a flat he hates in an area he hates, but he won't.
He doesn't have a valid reason as why not to.
He's done plenty of long distance relationships and obviously none have lasted, and I love him so much and want us to have a proper life together.
He would never cheat, but I don't know why he won't fully commit, I'm carrying his child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winsister · 15/11/2018 06:01

I'm 36 and he's 34 so we're not amazingly young x

OP posts:
adaline · 15/11/2018 08:00

I would imagine he's shit scared

whatsthestory123 · 15/11/2018 08:01

You cant make him and he will have a reason why but im guessing its not what you want to hear
You got pregnant quick into the relationship,did you both plan it?

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adaline · 15/11/2018 08:02

Sorry, didn't mean to post so quickly!

Shit-scared of moving in to a ready made family and taking on three other children as well as a newborn. I assume the pregnancy was an accident, but had you discussed your plans for the future at all before now?

As in, was it ever in your plans to live together or is it only something you want now that you're pregnant? Has he met your children and spent large amounts of time with them?

Because a new baby and mum's boyfriend moving in all at once is a big chance for them.

whatsthestory123 · 15/11/2018 08:03

Do you work?
As he is going to be financially responsible for alit of people
Thats quite a responsibility

WhyAmISoCold · 15/11/2018 08:04

I think he's being sensible. All sounds a bit fast especially as you already have children. Less upheaval for them if he isn't committed, even if you are pregnant.

VenusInSpurs · 15/11/2018 08:05

Did the two of you pro-actively choose to have a child together?

It sounds as if he just isn’t committed to Moving in to be a Dad and a step dad in a family of 5. And you can’t force him. Did you discuss this before you hit oh or very soon after?

It sounds as if you have different levels of expectation. If he won’t move in, how will he parent his baby? Have you discussed financial arrangements?

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 08:05

Things have moved very quickly so I’m not surprised he is scared! It is one thing stepping up and taking responsibility for his own child (which obviously he should) but your also asking him to take responsibility for 3 other children who presumably he doesn’t know properly and they don’t know him properly

NoToast · 15/11/2018 08:06

What does he say when you ask him to move in?

Is he hoping to be a part-time dad leaving you to get on with the daily work of raising a child. I'm sorry, it must be really upsetting.

The relationships board has plenty of traffic and wise posters, you could ask for your thread to be moved there and you may get a lot of support.

OliviaStabler · 15/11/2018 08:06

I'm carrying his child.

That's no guarantee of commitment.

dontalltalkatonce · 15/11/2018 08:07

I can't say I blame him, but he was a fool to be having unprotected sex.

AuntMarch · 15/11/2018 08:09

I'm pregnant too, and it's me that's shitting it that it means I should probably move in with dad! I like my space and lived with a boy before and it did not go well. I love my partner and know it makes sense but I'm not in a rush to do it either!

MarthasGinYard · 15/11/2018 08:13

'and now we're 5 and a half months pregnant.'

YOU are pregnant not him

Very quickly by the sounds of it and I'm assuming not planned.

He probably doesn't want to live with someone else's three dc.

Think you need a good chat to see if there is any future.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 15/11/2018 08:13

I think you need to plan for going it alone.
Nothing would keep me from my baby - the fact that he doesn't see it like that is worrying. He got a woman pg who already has 3 kids - that's on him. Too late to be scared or having second thoughts. He's 34 - time to grow up.
I'd be making my own arrangements withoyt considering him any further.

PurpleDaisies · 15/11/2018 08:16

I'm carrying his child.

I hate this phrase. You’re pregnant. You’re not an incubator.

Were you trying to get pregnant? You hadn’t been together all that long when you must have conceived.

MarthasGinYard · 15/11/2018 08:16

I'm taking it this is a different pregnancy to the one you had with your 'friend with benefits' where he was googling 'how to make you miscarry' as you didn't wish to terminate?

Is this the same man?

MarthasGinYard · 15/11/2018 08:19

You had 3 dc already then

So is this 5th?

costacoffeecup · 15/11/2018 08:21

It must be a different guy to the last one as op was ten weeks pregnant in June 2017 and says she's known current boyfriend since May 2017.

whatsthestory123 · 15/11/2018 08:26

Oh god another 15mins i will never get back

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 08:26

I wanna, there is nothing to suggest that he isn’t going to take responsibility for HIS child! That doesn’t mean he has to take on her other children. All living together simply isn’t always the best option.

She is equally as responsible for the pregnancy. Two to tango and all that!

PurpleDaisies · 15/11/2018 08:27

He got a woman pg who already has 3 kids - that's on him.

The ol wasn’t there when they had sex?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 15/11/2018 08:35

I mean that no one forced him to get involved with someone who already had a family. It is impossible to properly parent a newborn and support the mother, unless you are in the same house. So if he chooses not to be there, then he is choosing not to parent. He knew about these 3 kids, she presumably didn't spring them on him after the fact.

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 08:48

Well perhaps she should have thought about all of that as after three babies I am pretty sure she knows where they come from to so should have taken responsibility for herself!

All the blame can’t be put on him unless they sat down and agreed to try for a baby and move in together after a few months

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 15/11/2018 09:18

She is taking responsibility though. She isn't the one refusing to live with her child etc.
She shouldn't have to think/ take responsibility for him too though, which is what will happen if he doesn't move in and pull his weight.
I'm also not keen on this notion that in failing to anticipate his flakiness, the situation is her fault. The two of them are responsible, therefore the two of tgem need to do what is necessary to properly look after this child.

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 09:20

The two of them are responsible yet you are the one putting all the blame for the situation on him!

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