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Pregnant, been with boyfriend a year and he wont move in

94 replies

Winsister · 15/11/2018 06:00

Me and my boyfriend have known eachother since May 17, got together October 17 and now we're 5 and a half months pregnant.
We live a few miles away from eachother see eachother less.
I've asked him to move in with me, as I have 3 other kids and a house while he lives in a flat he hates in an area he hates, but he won't.
He doesn't have a valid reason as why not to.
He's done plenty of long distance relationships and obviously none have lasted, and I love him so much and want us to have a proper life together.
He would never cheat, but I don't know why he won't fully commit, I'm carrying his child.

OP posts:
Winsister · 15/11/2018 18:45

Different man.
We both knew what would happen and discussed living together before the baby.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 15/11/2018 18:47

'We both knew what would happen'

What about?

adaline · 15/11/2018 20:19

What do you mean, "you both knew what would happen?"

You discussed living together - what did he say? Was he happy with it? Was he ever really happy to move in and be a parent to four children overnight, three of whom aren't his?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

BIWI · 15/11/2018 20:22

FFS. What happened to commitment before getting pregnant? Was the pregnancy an accident?

WhyAmISoCold · 15/11/2018 20:53

Fgs OP, either stick with the thread you created or just don't bother. Half arsed replies are a waste of everyone's time.

SpottingTheZebras · 15/11/2018 21:19

I think the priority here is your current children. Do they even know this man? How do they feel about him moving in?

whatsthestory123 · 15/11/2018 21:36

iop its not very helpful if you dont engage on this thread

were all guessing scenarios that may/may not be right

were not mind readers

MistressDeeCee · 15/11/2018 21:45

I think you've made a mistake and you know it, OP. It happens.

Some of the replies on here are very blunt and harsh, so I'm not surprised you're not engaging with the thread. The there are a lot of judgemental, perfect people out there who can see into the future too.

You need support as I imagine you're not feeling great right now. Get your post moved to the Relationships board

BadLad · 15/11/2018 21:56

He doesn't have a valid reason as why not to.

Not wanting to is a perfectly valid reason.

BullShitDetectionService · 15/11/2018 22:11

Different man.
We both knew what would happen and discussed living together before the baby.

Beep

Winsister · 15/11/2018 22:51

To let everyone know, he has 2 other children to 2 other women that he doesn't see.
Also he's spent lots of time with my other kids, he's always said we're a family.
The only thing that's changed is my kids father isn't allowed to see the kids anymore so kids are with me full time.
We both got pregnant, we didn't realize it would be so soon.
The baby I was carrying last year i miscarried at 16 weeks

OP posts:
adaline · 15/11/2018 22:54

To let everyone know, he has 2 other children to 2 other women that he doesn't see.

Then why the bloody hell are you with him in the first place, let alone surprised that he won't move in with you and three kids that aren't his!

He doesn't see his own, why would he want to spend time with another mans?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 15/11/2018 22:54

Well, third time lucky at his spin on being a decent dad then, go him.

Winsister · 15/11/2018 22:54

I had a missed miscarriage in August of last year

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/11/2018 22:55

To let everyone know, he has 2 other children to 2 other women that he doesn't see.

What a catch! What makes you think he’ll stick around this new child?

Winsister · 15/11/2018 23:00

Thought I was different lol

OP posts:
WhyAmISoCold · 15/11/2018 23:03

You both got pregnant! You'll be quids in as he's a medical marvel.

SillyMoomin · 15/11/2018 23:06

“You didn’t realise it would be so soon”...
So... you were using protection then?

Oh. No. You weren’t. You just “didn’t think it would be so soon”

Ffs Hmm

SaltedToPerfection · 15/11/2018 23:10

We both got pregnant, we didn't realize it would be so soon.

No you got pregnant. And having three other kids you think you’d have realised how getting pregnant works.

Thought I was different lol
I know hilarious right?

This is like an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

SaltedToPerfection · 15/11/2018 23:14

Don’t worry OP, your child will soon be the third one he doesn’t see either.

MeMeMeow85 · 15/11/2018 23:19

Multiple offspring, little responsibility. Totally feckless

bluefolder · 15/11/2018 23:20

You're up the duff to a man who doesn't see his kids? what makes you think he's going to see this one, let alone look after your kids. I think you need to plan for single parenthood. good luck.

BadLad · 15/11/2018 23:28

Leaving aside all the stuff about kids, there are plenty of other considerations.

If he moves into your house, the power balance is going to change, very much in your favour. Assuming he won't be owning any part of it, you will be able to chuck him out at any time.

What is his current living situation? Is it his flat, does he rent it? Is it HA?

What financial arrangements do you have in mind for after he moves in? Will the benefits you get, if any, be affected? If so, who is going to make up the shortfall? Is he going to pay rent, or just contribute to bills? Are you going to split food bills 50-50, or will you pay more because of your three other kids? What about other costs (school trips, uniform etc). Will you keep separate finances, or will all money become family money?

If you have discussed all this, then great. Honestly, though, you don't come across as someone who would have discussed practicalities before jumping in. But anyway, they are some practical reasons why people might be reluctant to move in.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

sue51 · 16/11/2018 00:23

He has 2 children by 2 women and he doesn't see his them. I hope he supports them financially at the very least. I think you would be better going it alone, he doesn't seem to take responsibility for the lives he helped create.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/11/2018 02:25

Great! So five children with fucked up lives and you’re intending to bring a sixth into this dysfunctional lifestyle. Both of you are feckless and selfish. How about you put the well-being of your current children first? Now there’s an original concept.