Would you judge this family ?

[Mahoganie]

Large family. Mum with ASD
Kids all happy and polite, well looked after.
Lots of support needed though. Cleaner, gardener and support with children
Father works full time

Would you think everything’s ok orwould you assume that even though it all seems ok there must be an issue somewhere and think that the high level of help needed is a concern ?

What kind of professional wrote this? Sounds normal if you can afford it...certainly not something to judge negatively as part of a capability assessment of sorts....

Don't mean to pry but is this by any chance a spousal maintenance application that someone's giving pushback on? Because that's the only circumstance where I've seen something like this raised before. Hope you're ok.

What did you go to the gp about? For this to come up and be used against you?

Well when we were kids mum was ill (heart and other problems) there were a lot of kids at home (hence large house and tonnes of cleaning and laundry) and we had a huge garden.

We had a cleaner several times a week and a gardener one morning a week. Dad was running his own business so worked every day, and the house was run like the von traps.

Nobody's damn business.

they said they are concerned if I’m coping and are considering do we need something called a CAF ? Which is social services and actually I’m coping fine I feel like they’d never even give it w second thought if it wasn’t for my asd

A CAF isn’t just social services, it’s to look and see if there is any unmet need where you could be supported better. It’s not something to be scared of. However you can absolutely refuse to have it, if you don’t want it.

I went to the gp as get a lot of migraines and they were asking about stress and this is when we spoke about everything but I don’t actially think it’s stress I think it’s just something I’m prone to getting

I know plenty of people who need help with cleaning etc they are nt and just have money to spend on what they don't want to do themselves 🤷‍♀️

I think it depends what level of support you need with childcare. If you need someone there otherwise the kids get bathed or get fed then that’s possibly an issue. If you need support to give you a bit of respite that’s a different issue. It’s impossible for anyone to judge without knowing exactly how you and your children live and none of us can really know that.

*otherwise the kids don’t.

I just feel upset at being told it’s a ‘high level of household management’ as I feel like for many other families this wouldn’t be raised as a potential issue

When you say large family, how large are we talking?

The help with childcare is maybe 2-3 times a week probably an hour each time not an excessive amount certainly not an abnormally high level of help needed

I just really don’t want anyone having to come round and make me feel uncomfortable I have a system that works. I’m happy and not usually stressed or overwhelmed and the kids all happy. To have to have this CAF and if there are any assessesmente I just dont want to
I dont like talking to people

op do you pay for the help yourself??

if so its not really their buissness and your managing ok

I wouldn't find this level of help strange or unusual at all, if it's something your family can comfortably afford.

I suppose for most people this kind of help is "nice to have" rather than essential, so maybe consider whether, if you had to, you could do without it. If you need help with cleaning, child care etc that might give me pause as to how well you're coping.

That said, even if you do need this help, as long as your kids as well cared for I can't imagine social services will give a damn.

@Mahoganie I'd tell them to piss of I wouldn't call that a lot of hell ?? Most people have that without ASD

Please don't do that, it won't do you any good and it's unfair to make the OP think most people have cleaners, gardeners and childcare as they really don't. We can have no idea if you are struggling but it won't help your case to believe people who tell you this level of support is usual for most people as that isn't the case

Yes we pay for it ourselves

Loads of people have more help than than, how odd?

This is why I feel it’s really about ASD ?

what does your partner think of what the GP said

i think it shows you are thinking about the children and the home and doing something about it,it should go in your favour

Yes I would judge. I would judge that they had more disposable income than me.

Loads of people have more help than than, how odd?

they really dont in real life away from the MN bubble

(old/sick etc not included in that)

I can see the GP's concern here, especially knowing that they have far more information on the OP's condition than we do. There's nothing at all wrong with having help, but if you're effectively telling the GP that you can't cope without a cleaner, childcare etc then that's going to raise concerns that might prompt an assessment of the children's needs.

Use the assessment to think about what help might be available to you, and any support that might be available to help you develop more independence.

The level of help you have sounds perfectly reasonable. I have a cleaner, gardener and after school help on my work days. When my children were younger I had a cleaner, gardener and aupair. It made my life easier. You sound very sensible

I feel like it’s because of the reason I have the help not whether having help is the norm or the same amount as a nt person if that makes sense
Like how online grocery shopping is ‘normal’
I do it as can’t cope in a busy bright shop other people just do it as it’s easier or quicker but I feel like if I’d mentioned that it would have been noted down that I can’t manage shopping if that makes sense
Now I’m over analysing and actually I’m ok but it’s made me feel unsure which is silly but things I’ve put in place to make things work for us are being looked at in the sense that I needtoo much help and am not coping