Would you judge this family ?

[Mahoganie]

Large family. Mum with ASD
Kids all happy and polite, well looked after.
Lots of support needed though. Cleaner, gardener and support with children
Father works full time

Would you think everything’s ok orwould you assume that even though it all seems ok there must be an issue somewhere and think that the high level of help needed is a concern ?

Cross post, I see it's your family 

I wouldn't judge, I'd just assume they had a lot of disposable income and think lucky them not having to do the shit cleaning jobs etc. Considering the DM has ASD I'd think it would be even more beneficial to the family

My DH has ASD, and I do everything, if I worked he wouldn't cope without help....

why would the family need so much help,cleaner,gardener etc?

Because one of the parents is disabled. IE not as able to do everyday stuff as an able person.

I don't understand. Some people have gardeners, cleaners, housekeepers, nannies. If it makes life easier for them and they can afford it, what's to judge?

I am assuming of course that they parent appropriately, e.g., don't take the handles off bedroom doors so the children don't disturb them, or ignores crying six week old, or broadcast their lives to all and sundry on shonky vlogs! Then I would judge the fuck out of them.

a professional
And they’ve said to me I need too much help. But the thing is I wish I hadn’t said as they asked how am I coping and I did fine because I have this help and that it’s a cleaner once a week. Gardener once a month and help with the children (not e err day) and now they are saying I cannot cope with day to day household management and I can.
The children are happy polite and well looked after

I don't see anything to judge. Who has written this?

No I wouldn't judge. Family has enough money to buy in that level of support, so what.

It doesn't matter that the mum has ASD. Perhaps the family realised they could do with some extra help. Good for them.

I’m very confused because everything is fine and now I’m being told it’s not fine and it is

Well everyone could do with help with childcare, especially in a larger family. And cleaning and gardening are nice if you can afford it, but not something anyone would worry was suggesting an inability to cope with housekeeping, if that's what you're worrying about?

Too much for what? If I was writing a report in similar circumstances I might write “requires more support than average” or “requires a high/significant level of support” but I would write too much without any context.

Who says it's not alright?

Who is telling you this?

Too much help for what?!

I wish I’d never said
I thought it was showing that I’m functioning well the fact I identify where I need support and got that support but it’s being used against me now.
It’s the GP

@Mahoganie I'd tell them to piss of I wouldn't call that a lot of hell ?? Most people have that without ASD

Crazy to be judged on that, surely if you can afford a gardener, cleaner & childcare there’s no problem, just means you want to outsource certain tasks & what’s wrong with that? I pay for a gardener because I hate gardening.

I know a family with a cleaner/gardener. ...I genuinely don't think anything except lucky them!

I feel as if cleaner/gardener/childcare is support anyone would need but it’s being said it’s only because of my ASD
But then there could be lots of people without ASD who need the same help and they are not judged
I feel like when I was asked how I was I should have said I’m fine and finished the appt rather than stupidly saying I’m fine and volunteering the information

Used against you in what context? How is the GP planning on using this against you?

Mahoganie adult social services said the same about me. But they were wrong and ignorant of what having ASD means. They did a referral to child services and made out that my baby needed to be taken away. Thankfully the child social worker was a bit more informed and closed the case.

It is fine. It's help that many others get and just because you have ASD doesn't mean you shouldn't get the help lots of other people do! What about people who work full time/evenings and need childcare 5 days a week? They might have a cleaner and gardener and possibly a laundry service and dog walker.....why is that ok for them and not you?

Is it not a good thing that the mother recognises she needs help and has this in place?
If I had a large family I would get help with childcare and cleaning if I could afford.

I know plenty of people with cleaners and gardeners, that’s not at all unusual in families with enough disposable income.

Something like a SAHP having a nanny would be unusual round here, but I know plenty of families who have regular or semi-regular childcare help from grandparents etc, even the families with a SAHP.