Defriended a colleague from FB. Wondering if I should tell her or see if she notices.

[AbitComplex]

My colleague and I became FB friends when I started working in the dept, along with other colleagues.

It was all nice in the beginning, until she started to comment on things I put on FB, so I decided to make her an acquaintance and change my posts to friends except acquaintances. Thinking she would stop, but she has carried on.

I’m not sure if she can somehow still see my posts through comments from other people, or can’t see them and goes into my account to see what I’ve written, but she still goes out of her way to comment when she sees me next.

So a (boring) example is, I posted about some soup I’d made, joking along the lines that “it was tasty, even though I say so myself” followed by laughing emoticon.

The next time I saw her, she commented “oooh, I made some soup the other day, but mine had white wine in it though, it was sooooooo delicious “.

Right , okay. Could have been a coincidence that it was the same flavour....

Not long after, a friend and I decided to complete a four mile walk. We both completed it, and it went on FB. Well, my colleague somehow miraculously walked five miles that very same week....with a dodgy hip and knee..
And many more..

I just smile and nod slowly when she says these things, maybe I should have cocked my head to one side Mumsnet style, but never mind.

Anyway I got fed up and defriended her. I feel better already, but if she’s been checking my posts, she’s going to notice anyway, so should I be upfront and tell her, or not tell her and have some fun with this?

So as not to dripfeed, she is quite a rude and entitled person, and has been getting on all of our nerves lately, that plus the comments have now driven me to defriend her.

You should tell people you got a black cat, see her response is.

She is not my friend, she is a colleague.
Therein lies your problem. You see her as a colleague, not a friend, yet have given her access to your life which you are happy for friends to post on. Unfriend her if she isn't a friend and keep the relationship professional.

I have some of my colleagues on Facebook but only ones I would also consider friends.

OP, you are quite simply - bonkers (& I mean that in a caring way).

@MyOtherProfile, my response was to another poster who did not
RTFT.
Did you RTFT??

I mean, honestly, in the nicest way, read the full thread.

Get a grip omg

I did rtft thanks. And it's all quite bonkers. What I wrote still stands.

Funny how you comment on her being rude!

You keep saying she 'undermines' you. I really don't see how - it seems that she's trying to engage with you but you just don't like her. Fair enough, unfriend her, but there's no need to be so over dramatic about the whole non event.

It sounds like you both put a lot of shite on Facebook to be honest.

So the answer then is either defriend her or don’t ever post anything on fb

I can only imagine there's some weird office politics going on here. Maybe op is trying to impress a certain group in her office by being mean to the Fb acquaintance. Maybe they are egging her on to be bitchy? It just sounds so childish and not how adult women generally behave. How do you even have the time for it to bother you?

I get you OP. I worked with what I call a 'topper' for a few years and it's fucking exhausting and funny and sad and frustrating. I got so mad I started having fun with it as everything I said or did she had to top it. She lived on Elevenerife basically.

Have fun with it. As you go through life and get to my cranky old age you meet loads of these people. My sister is one. She wavers between showing off her bigger and better car/house/handbag whatever to claiming she is poorer and more hard done by than me. I am endlessly confused by her. I just wish she would decide to be better off than me or worse off than me and stick with it!
She might be clumsily trying to compete with you or, more likely, befriend you. She sounds lacking in social skills and young? Inside she is probably desperate for approval. Perhaps be the bigger person and ignore it all a bit and it will fade away. IMHO there's always a bit of an issue going on behind this sort of thing sadly.

I think I get you op.

One thing I will say is be wary of other colleagues being involved here. If you had this woman on restricted yet she was still aware of what you were posting then she's being kept informed by someone else who is still on your normal friends list.

I really believe that no work colleagues should have each other on Facebook, it can only do harm.

Delete the whole lot of them and do a blanket speech if/when asked that it's a professional decision based on advice from a friend. Also, this woman can allege bullying if she's been the only one excluded from your Facebook. Since you believe her to be actively trying to annoy/mimic you I really would tread carefully here.

Hello, sorry I didn’t mean to be rude yesterday.

I’m not trying to impress anybody at work, no egging on from anybody, they are a fab bunch of people I work with, and we’re just pretty well fed up with the way colleague is behaving, and that’s without her comments to me.

Earlier on in the thread, I’d said I’d added her on through FB friend request (and my other colleagues too) because I felt pressured into it. I couldn’t say no really as they were really nice. And still are.

I’ve decided to deactivate FB, and tell people I’m having a (long) break,, if they ask.

@CallMeRachel. Never thought of somebody else being an informant.
@BeenBitten, yes, those are the feelings I’m experiencing, exhausting and frustrating. She’s 53.

Now I’ve deactivated the account, hopefully it’ll stop.

I meant, hopefully the comments will stop.

you didn't need to go that far; you just needed to do the acquaintances thing properly.

You said you did it in the OP etc, but clearly you haven't done it properly because she can NOT see your posts if you did, no matter whether she goes to your page or what. You have to check the setting on each post and make sure it is what you want. If you have ever changed it for one post, then you may have inadvertently changed the default setting.

I suggested that you go to your page and choose 'view as..' and her name. If she can see the posts, they will show up there. If they do, then you've not set it right. If the posts aren't showing up there, then she can't be seeing them, and can't be commenting on them on FB, and could only be seeing them on someone else's account.

Sounds like your problem is with her, and not in how she or anyone uses facebook. If you enjoy FB, it's overkill to delete the whole thing, instead of just getting the settings sorted out better.

If the op had mutual FB friends then her friend could see teh post if she was unfollowed or marked not as a friend.

Fb stalker is overinvested and strange.

@Cloudsaway, I appreciated your suggestion. I mustn’t have done it right in the first place, or changed it in error. I did check a few times though, and it looked right to me. Maybe there is an informant that was suggested by @CallMeRachel....

I’ve no idea...obviously not good at this.

I’ve deactivated my FB account now. Probably best for all concerned.
At least people will be spared from my super soup making skills, and my walking expeditions 🙂.

I don’t think the internet is for you OP.

Well, ok, informant maybe a bit over invested and strange, but I’m leaving nothing to chance now.

The internet is not your friend OP!