Modern restaurant/dining trends that annoy you

[ThistleAmore]

I'm supposed to be packing for a work trip, so obviously procrastinating wildly, and got to thinking about stuff that annoys me in modern cooking (and yes, I realise this is the very definition of a #firstworldproblem).

The lack of plates is an obvious one, but I also find this weird trend for not bothering to cut up vegetables irritating, too: call me old-fashioned, but I think whole carrots are for horses, and prefer them to at least have been introduced to a knife before they find their way onto my plate.

What gives you indigestion (physically or spiritually)?

Wooden/ slate 'plates'
Wankery pricing ie written after item description like ' - 3 '
Those mini chip deep fry baskets
Everywhere having 'speakeasy' bars + 510 local gins.
Panfried, foam, jus, handcut
Peashoots as garnish

'Gourmet' burgers. Burgers aren't supposed to be gourmet, they're delightful junk food - that's part of the guilty pleasure!

Lack of plates and bowls, a tiramisu should not be shoved into a beer glass, and nothing should be served on a floor tile or miniature bin.

Not food but the trend for tiny bistro tables and chairs that are too small for the average backside, so uncomfortable that you don't go back even if the food is good.

No wine lists, you have to ask at the bar. Result, no wine sold.

Menus that say instead of say what the dish is list the components:

Beef mushrooms potato

Or

Chicken leaves radish

Etc

I hate when they serve half a chicken, normally in a wooden board. Messy to cheat and you end up leaving loads behind.

Things in ramekins and pots - chips, coleslaw, beans. Just put it on the plate!

The no plates thing. I always wonder if I’ll get my pudding nailed to a fucking dartboard after my dinner is served on a bathroom tile

Using items that are not plates. Wooden boards and tin mugs for fish and chips etc.
Slate for anything other than a cheeseboard.
Not supplying bread rolls and having to ask for butter.
Sauces in miniature jam pots.
Loud Muzak.
Not taking coats on arrival.
Not having correct cutlery - soup spoons or fish knives particularly.

Gin and tonic in a jam jar

I can't stand it when the waiter says "enjoy!" It seems to be an order. I want to tell him/her to F off!

'Deconstructed' versions of things.
Any Heston Blumenthal moments.
Using things other than plates as plates.
Offering a booking for 7.30 but wanting the table back by 9pm.
'Concepts'.

Oh god yes to taking coats on arrival. We had a lovely dinner out the other night with our coats all slung over our chairs. Most bizarre. No coat hooks either.

Dinner being served on anything other than a plate. Haven’t plucked up the nerve to send it back yet though so am also peeved at myself.

No water jug offered, have to keep asking for it.

I always wonder if I’ll get my pudding nailed to a fucking dartboard after my dinner is served on a bathroom tile

ileclerc I was going to say exactly that. Lists, punctuated with dots, that give you no clue as to the quantity of the ingredient, how it's prepared, whether you'll need to order extra chips, etc.

Also, writing prices as 7 or 6.5 still annoys me, even though it's totally standard now.

Puddings placed artfully on a smear of chocolate sauce that looks like an unfortunate accident.

Puddings that sound nice on the menu (ie, lemon tart) which turn out to be tiny shreds of deconstructed ingredients that fall to pieces before you can get them on the spoon, leaving you chasing fragments of honeycomb or scorched lemon peel in a vain attempt to clear up ANY of the sauce.

Puddings that combine smart arse ingredients like earl grey tea and horseradish with cream and/or chocolate

Really dark restaurants. I want to be able to see the menu, never mind what I’m eating.

Those enormous wine glasses. If you only want a small pinot grigio, it looks like about an inch of wine in the huge glass.

Offering a booking for 7.30 but wanting the table back by 9pm

This!!

Burgers that are so big that I have to cut them up with a knife and fork and then they still spill out the contents (I actually just prefer to go to Mcdonalds if I want a burger and have a normal sized one that I can eat one handed)

Waiters who solemnly tell you what you're eating as they put the plate in front of you, just in case you've suffered a bout of amnesia in the twenty minutes that have elapsed since you chose it from the menu.

I dont think Ive ever had someone take my coat... eating at the wrong places obviously!!

Those ridiculous little edible flowers that come with every dessert these days. No thank you.

Portion size. I want more than one carrot, one potato, and so on. I don't want it to look 'arty', I want it to fill the plate.

Food served in random objects, for example I recently had chips served in what looked like a plant pot. Ive also been served chocolate mousse in an old fashioned teacup with a saucer.

'Slaw instead of coleslaw really boils my piss for some reason.

Any open kitchen that looks out into the 'eatery', in a place decked out with hard floors and bad acoustics so all you can hear is clanging saucepans and searing flames but not the conversation you're trying to bloody well have with your companion who is half a metre from you.

Uncomfortable chairs.

Too bright with too many lights so you feel like you're sitting in a school dining hall.

Water served in the bottles with swing caps (like Grolsch bottles) that you have to hold awkwardly so the lid doesn't get in the way as you pour the water.

Waiting staff that don't write down your order or use a gadget but just remember it, I'm always convinced they're going to get it wrong.

I like coleslaw in little pots - I'm the only one in our family that likes it so it makes it easier for them to give it to me. Don't want my chips in a basket or tin though.

Menu on a clipboard 🙄