Modern restaurant/dining trends that annoy you

[ThistleAmore]

I'm supposed to be packing for a work trip, so obviously procrastinating wildly, and got to thinking about stuff that annoys me in modern cooking (and yes, I realise this is the very definition of a #firstworldproblem).

The lack of plates is an obvious one, but I also find this weird trend for not bothering to cut up vegetables irritating, too: call me old-fashioned, but I think whole carrots are for horses, and prefer them to at least have been introduced to a knife before they find their way onto my plate.

What gives you indigestion (physically or spiritually)?

Pretty much all of the above.

Especially the slate thing. If I wanted to eat off building materials I’d ask them to serve me on the fecking roof. Btw, I’m waiting for the first restaurant to re-roof the building with redundant plates.

Over-matey staff. "Hi, guys. I’m Becky and I’ll be your server for tonight." I don’t expect formality or servility; you are a citizen, like me, and my social equal, but we’ve never met, you are not my 'mate' and my guest and I are not "guys". I don’t need the fake smile, nor being ordered to "enjoy". Oh, and if you’re going to ask me "is everything is ok" please do it when my mouth is empty and when you’re prepared to list3n to the response.

One local 'dive with aspirations' taken one step further. When you book, they ask you "what's the occasion?" Beware. This isn’t so they can give you a free celebration cake. Nooooooo........ they only print your reason on the damn menu for the night!

"Hi, and welcome. Tonight we have in Josh and Lucy who just got engaged; it’s Cynthia's 50th birthday; congrats to Dena and Bob who are celebrating their anniversary........ have a great time guys." Excuse me while I vomit.

I’m really tempted to book and make something up, especially as my partner and go out so seldom that we have a standing joke of calling any night out "saving the marriage. So.... "Tonight we're welcoming Brian and Dot who are trying to patch things up after Dot maxed out the credit card on shoes and she caught Brian doing that thing with her sister......" Or.... "A big welcome back to Shelley and Wayne, who are celebrating getting out of hospital with the food poisoning they picked up last time they were here."

Restaurants that comprise entirely hard surfaces. I know it’s hygienic/less effort to maintain but you can’t bloody hear yourself think.

No coat hooks or coat storage. My husband & I went to Smokestak in London and were sat at backless stools against a bar. The staff were completely perplexed when I said I didn’t want to put my brand new £350 winter coat on their floor. They ended up putting it in the staff room. Not a cheap meal either, £150 for two.

Backless chairs or benches. If you want me to spend £75+ pp on your restaurant then I want a proper seat.

Tables sat near sets of singe external doors in winter, or badly managed double doors. I recently had a meal wearing my coat at Caravan in Bloomberg Place because the freezing air slammed us every time the doors opened.

Not being asked if you want more drinks at appropriate junctures ie just before the mains are ready or as it’s placed in front of you. Servers seem to slam your plates down then bolt off without a glance to see who might want a new glass of wine/beer, so you’re stuck with a steak and nothing appropriate to drink with it before it goes cold.

In London, because tap water is now fashionable thanks to its eco credentials, restaurants are now charging £1 per person for tap water as a donation to charity, which really irritates me as you can hardly ask for them to remove it from the bill. I privately donate quite a lot to a charity of my choice, and don’t want to be railroaded into supporting a charity I know nothing about.

Acoustic nightmares made by too many surfaces like marble floors, open kitchens with chef banging pans, marble or glass topped tables, no curtains, no upholstery, v noisy coffee machines and the like.

They could improve the acoustics with acoustic panels, ceiling fixtures and so on.
Pizza Express, I am looking at you but don't go there any more.

Anything served in a chuffing mason jar, anywhere.

Places that don't let the staff have all the tips they've earned.

Has anyone visited this Facebook page? It's very entertaining!
www.facebook.com/WeWantPlates/

Yes. I love We Want Plates. My brother and I tag each other on it nd seven each other messages saying stuff like “Desk tidies” and “trainers”.

When they put the food in front of you, and then turn the plate round a bit so you get a specific view of the chef's masterpiece. I can still see it all mate, even if the salad is on the 'wrong' side of the plate.

The tapas-like place I went to recently with teensy tables. They 'solve' that by supplying the plates on tiered stands like you get with afternoon tea. There were 6 of us and by the time they'd filled the table with the stands, we couldn't see each other to talk.

Veg as sides - 3 tablespoons of peas isn't worth £3.50 FFS, even if they are 'minted'.

Menus that described everything as a tiny recipe “oven roasted King Edwards with goose fat and Rosemary sprig”. That’ll be roast potatoes then.

Buttery fried salmon fillet with lemon has topped with a sprig of tarragon” - salmon steak

Pan fried as a description - fried is enough.

ALL of these! This should be sent to all restaurants!

Big menu, reading all the way through it trying to find the one vegetarian option which is always goats cheese - yuk. I used to eat goats cheese a bit but now can't stand it at all. Also sitting there with other people who take ages choosing asking me what I'm having when there is only one vegetarian option. That'll be the goats cheese then!

Served with veg - a desert spoon of peas, or being charged for a side of veg which isn't much more.

Latest trend seems to be glazed with or cooked in syrup vegetables, I want my veg to taste like veg, not sweet!

I once managed to find a toilet through a maze of corridors, got lost on the way back and ended up behind the bar! Standing there looking out at my group of friends almost falling off their chairs laughing!

Uncomfortable seats, is this a ploy to get you out quickly and get the next people in?

Too small tables where your plate is hanging over the edge of the table because there's not enough room for it. I'm already clumsy without dealing with that.

Yes to not knowing parmesan is not vegetarian, have had to explain this so many times, anyone working in a restaurant should know this!

Mac n Cheese gives me the rage, it's macaroni cheese!

Tables too close together I don't want to hear other peoples conversations or have them listening to mine.

Noise! Music, TV banging and clattering plates.

we ought to print out this thread and shove it under the nose of any offending place

with a " there you go guys

enjoy "

Haven't read the whole thread, but in case anyone hasn't mentioned this - chipped enamel plates and plastic cutlery while being expected to sit at one of those trestle tables decorators use.

You'd all really hate my favourite local place, which is a converted industrial building clanging from the noise of the open kitchen, and where you sit in a dark corner on a bench, with your coat crumpled next to you, and order your overly sweet gourmet veggie burger, which will cost you 7. It will arrive on a chopping board, with sauces in ramekins and chips in a metal mug, delivered by an embarrassed looking teenager who commands you to enjoy it. The food is nice, though.

Menus that say 'mains' and 'sides' - it makes me think of utility pipes.

This bollocks (It's even infected the Greek backwater where this was taken!).

Well, it'll save on the washing up!

@DontCallMeCharlotte - how the hell did you eat a fried egg with a knife and fork through slatted wood??????

I can only imagine you'd flick it up in the air and catch it in your mouth like a dolphin at Seaworld🐬

@gonewishing excellent!

Pan fried as a description - fried is enough.

Exactly !

Kids meals that are as hot as the sun.

Are there really restaurants that don’t take bookings but expect you to actually queue up?

Are you not starving and in a filthy temper by the time you get in there? I would be and so would the kids.

Apologies if this fabulous John Finnemore song has already been posted:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=cX4KuEAYIYY

MsAdorabelle there certainly are. I prefer to reserve a table so unless I can walk straight in to a non-bookable restaurant, I just go elsewhere.

I see Dishoom has come up a few times since my first post - it's nice, but it's very noisy and the food is good but not worthy of a two hour queue. I remember seeing people queuing outside the King's Cross branch during the Beast from the East...