Modern restaurant/dining trends that annoy you

[ThistleAmore]

I'm supposed to be packing for a work trip, so obviously procrastinating wildly, and got to thinking about stuff that annoys me in modern cooking (and yes, I realise this is the very definition of a #firstworldproblem).

The lack of plates is an obvious one, but I also find this weird trend for not bothering to cut up vegetables irritating, too: call me old-fashioned, but I think whole carrots are for horses, and prefer them to at least have been introduced to a knife before they find their way onto my plate.

What gives you indigestion (physically or spiritually)?

'Slaw instead of coleslaw really boils my piss for some reason

Oh yes, this, definitely this. And 'sides' for vegetable accompaniments.

And what the fuck are 'sliders' doing on menus? I thought they were sandals for use around the pool side.

Loud “background” music. Waiters who pester you every five minutes to ask if it’s all ok. How much reassurance do they need that the food is edible? If it wasn’t, I’d have already complained, not be sitting there eating it!
Children’s menus consisting entirely of crap such as chips and chicken nuggets. Is it so hard to provide smaller portions of the adult menu?
Failure to coordinate cooking times, so a group of diners do not all get their meal at the same time. You have to either politely let yours go cold waiting for the rest to arrive, or eat by yourself and finish before everyone else has started.

Having got that lot off my chest, I must add that restaurants nowadays are in the main utterly fabulous compared with forty years ago!
The amazing range of cuisines from across the globe, the use of fresh ingredients, the talented chefs, the great improvements in decor and hygiene, are greatly to be commended. Certainly in Edinburgh, you could easily visit a different and excellent restaurant every night for a year, without difficulty.

I'm with you Babdoc about the music. Even going for a quiet coffee is often not quiet these days, I get the impression the 'music' is more for the staff enjoyment than customers.

“Slaw”
If it doesn’t contAin mayonnaise then it’s a salad and i’ll eat it. Calling it a slaw makes me a bit put off!

I'm with everybody on the gourmet burgers. Give me a McD's I can eat one handed any day over a 3 foot thing with a 'well done' burger, hard cheddar and a brioche bun. Burgers are not meant to be fancy. If I can't eat it while watching telly with a remote in one hand it's a shite burger.

Honestly if your idea of a good burger is a McDonald’s one, then there’s no hope! 😂

My idea of a good burger is one I make at home which is pretty amazing if I do say so myself (!) My point about burgers in restaurants is that they are just pita to eat because they are too big and sloppy. I remember as a teenager struggling to eat a Big Mac because it was so big. It's an absolute tiddler compared to what restaurants/pubs serve up these days.

I'm a chef and absolutely will not countenance anything served on wooden board.

Restaurant chopping boards are plastic for a reason. You can boil the bollocks off them in a dishwasher and get them actually clean.

Unvarnished wood is a bloody stomach flu waiting to happen. All those little nooks and crannies where germs can hide. Gross.

There is a damn good reason we invented plates and it's not just because they look pretty.

Foam.

It just looks like spit on a plate. 

I just hate the 'fucking' word from the speech deficient

You don't like swearing? In restaurants?

I’ve just accepted a new job. And am very pleased to anmounce I have refused to plate food on anything other than a plate or bowl, with the exception of the cheeseboard.

Me - I’d like the chicken Kiev with salad please
Waiter - Not a problem
DH - rump steak medium/rare please
Waiter - Not a problem

Good. I’m glad we’ve not caused you a Problem! Tosser!

Agree with wanting food on plates. Plus food being ‘stacked’ so it’s difficult to cut and is all mixed together.

Small tables, not getting water (sometimes even when you ask for it and it just never appears!), plates being cleared before everyone has finished. I’ve notice this happening more and more recently and it’s so rude!

‘Skin on fries/chips’. They don’t soak up vinegar! Chips served in a bowl or little pot, again alll the vinegar just sits at the bottom, small portions of chips. Basically chips you now get in pubs and restaurants are no better than just oven chips I can make at home. Chips do not need poncing up.

Also cider vinegar or another type of vinegar given with chips rather than malt.

As you can tell chips are my fave.

I think you've all covered the pretentious wankery I can't stand already.
The gourmet burger thing gives me rage, a well known chain that has wait staff putting on fake French accents make their burgers so fucking tall that you can neither eat it with your hands so you have to look like a twat attempting to cut it up with a knife an fork, and they can bugger off with fries in a little bucket too.
And a local cafe that puts scones on a board with jam or chutney in a teeny tiny mason jar, I just want a plate with a pot please, it's not difficult is it?

a well known chain that has wait staff putting on fake French accents

What?

Wonder how they handle a real French customer who, upon hearing the French accents, proceeds to speak to them in actual French

(Please name the chain)

@LoniceraJaponica wow i didn't know that (not that I'm vegetarian tbh so wouldn't stop me) but I wonder how many vegetarians know that.... or in fact how many Italians..... off to canvass the in-laws

When the waiting staff don’t use a pad or gadget to write down your order.

I mean, it’s impressive, I’ve never yet had them get anything wrong. But it’s just that moment of

‘Are you ready to order?’

Why yes, yes we are...

...Okay right, you’re standing there with your hands behind your back, you’re doing the listening and remembering thing. Okay, that’s cool... are you ready for me to start? Okay you’re good to go, great. I’ll start talking then shall I? Yes, right then...

Maybe it’s just me

Wagamama who can't cook to order. I want to eat my food with my partner NOT at different times. They can't do it. How pathetic is that.

What is it with putting a paper serviette under a burger or whatever. I want it to wipe my mouth not soak up juices from my food.

Is the fake French Cote Brasserie?
Their all-in breakfast is a damn fine thing.

I'm very 'iffy' about menus in foreign languages with an English description and do not wish to have my embarrassingly bad pronunciation questioned or sneeringly corrected by the waiting staff, thanks.
If it's chicken casserole don't bother with all the Poulet avec le champignons al la gravy malarkey.
I'll have you know that I have an O-level in Russian but don't expect to find a menu in Cyrillic to decipher.

Tables so close together that there is no privacy. Have left restaurants before because of this.

I get a bit cross when the waiter insists on speaking in French when taking my order. It’s fair enough in Paris but not in London.

Gosh yes to waiters interrupting every few minutes. It makes me think that they haven’t got enough to do (or that we are doing something weird by having a conversation at the table).

Ditto serviettes under the food - why?
Also supposed 'high end' tea rooms that use foil wrapped butter pats, they are either so cold it takes 20 minutes to warm them up or at a point of liquidity that the act of unwrapping it results in you being greased like a Moroccan thief.

The last time was a "salad" that was actually a tower of mozzarella and tomato slices.
Just why?

Gin with everything.

Also, not restaurants as such, but all these new “secret” bars with hidden entrances. Fuck off.