Fanny Gallops

[bumpsadaisy11]

I just had to share this with you all, as it made me cry with laughter!
Sitting eating lunch with my DH & I asked him if he knew what 'Fanny Gallops' are.
He looked at me with a dead straight face & said ' isn't that a place on Dartmoor!!!!!'
Bless his gorgeous lovely heart 
What are some of the stupidest things that your DH has said to you?

I remarked that I needed to ‘put a hem’ on a towel that had frayed. He said he didn’t realise you could buy a hem....

Did you explain what they are?

What's the make equivalent, I wonder

We went to the ballet - Romeo and Juliet. DH bought me the tickets for Christmas one year and had gone for front row seats so we ended up watching crutches for most of the evening and after about 15 minutes, he turned to me and said...

"When do they start singing?"

Yes. He thought the dancers sang at the same time.

A member of the orchestra sniggered. I nearly hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud.

We were having our bathroom revamped and DP asked me:

• Does the bath come as a flat pack? Will we need alan keys to put it together?

• What do you think would be the best cup/beaker for the plumber to empty the toilet cistern with?

We were having our living room wallpapered and he said:

• What sort of glue do they use to attach it to the wall? Or do they use drawing pins?

My DP is a very highly-skilled engineer

I just explained to him what they were - he looked quite confused & said ' I didn't know that that was possible!!'
I might add at this juncture (you May very well have worked it out for yourselves) that my DH had lead a very sheltered life until he met me!!
He is fantastic & not a day goes by where he hasn't miss understood something, or made me laugh until I cry!! xxx

When I met him, my DP thought that:

• Cesarean sections are done through women's backs (i.e. cut across the back, pull the baby out the back). Not sure what he thinks women's spines are made of.

• Women only have one hole through which we wee and have periods.

• Smear test means you go to the doctors, they smear some stuff on your lady bits, that "sets" and you go back a week later to have it taken off and they send that off to the lab.

• You can only have anal sex once in your life because if you do it a second time, you're at much greater risk (like 99%) of rupturing epithelial tissue so you need to choose your one time very wisely. Not sure what he thought gay men got up to.

My friend is convinced that Einstein invented the family tree as a way of mapping who's related to who.

He thinks this is Einstein's theory of relativity.

I shit you not, I promise that's genuinely what he thinks.

Keep them coming. I haven't laughed out loud so much in ages. These are priceless.

Thanks for this thread.

Absolutely brilliant!!!

I am with my own people, I am so glad that I am not the only one who has a DH like this!!! 

DD and I were chatting about her very girly, cabin crew, perfect hair and nails, very lovely cousin.
She was thinking of retraining to be a Teaching Assistant now her daughter is at school.
We used the abbreviation TA.
Quite a few days later, DH says that he knows that cousin would give 100% to any job that she tackled but couldn't see for the life of him, her adapting to the rigorous training for the Territorial Army.

I’d planted daffodils, they all flowered one day DH ‘I like how you’ve planted them so the flowers are all facing the same direction, looks neat’ 🤦‍♀️

On our way to Rome DP says 'Alley, you know we're going to the see the Sistine Chapel? Where are the other fifteen?'

He wasn't joking. He thought there were a series of sixteen chapels dotted all over the world (like the eight wonders) and the sixteenth was the best which is why it was the most famous.

When we realised by DD had a dairy allergy by DH said "so she can't have eggs then..."
He wasn't convinced that eggs were not a dairy product!

Whilst we were watching a programme on pigs being used to hunt for truffles in France, my ex-DH said "I didn't know pigs liked chocolate"

BertieDrapper He must be like a poster here the other day who thought chickens are mammals! Either that or he thinks cows lay eggs.

He also used to refer to the moisture on the inside of windows as "condescension"

Mildmanneredmum Wow! Did you enlighten him as to what truffles are or couldn't you speak for laughing/crying?

Oh I like "condescension". I'm a bugger for deliberately using malapropisms for my own amusement, so I might steal that one.

@BertieDrapper @InsomniaAnonymous There was a facebook page when I was at university, "Overheard at ". The best thing I ever saw on it was the following exchange:

A: "Are eggs dairy?"
B: "Yes, everything from a cow is dairy.

@Woofofwallstreet Women only have one hole through which we wee and have periods.
A surprising number of women think this too!

My partner asked when we went berry picking where we dug the raisins up because he wants so for work. I don’t have the heart to tell him 😂

I didn't have the heart to correct a friend about St Pancreas Station.

I honestly have no idea why he though eggs were dairy.... he knew they came from chickens.... he knew milk came from cows.... maybe cos you used to be able to get eggs from your milkman?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dd also has a dairy allergy. The eggs being dairy thing is ridiculously common. Going to a friend's house for lunch and my dd isn't given the Omelette as it's got eggs in. Go to my aunt' house, dd can't have the cake as it's got eggs in. And I explain eggs aren't dairy so it's fine but they keep forgetting so something similar happens every time. I might make a diagram for them.