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Original poster

Fanny Gallops

136 replies

bumpsadaisy11 · 26/10/2018 12:45

I just had to share this with you all, as it made me cry with laughter!
Sitting eating lunch with my DH & I asked him if he knew what 'Fanny Gallops' are.
He looked at me with a dead straight face & said ' isn't that a place on Dartmoor!!!!!'
Bless his gorgeous lovely heart 
What are some of the stupidest things that your DH has said to you?

OP posts:
WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 27/10/2018 22:35

My DH told the kids that we wouldn't need to have our boy and girl kittens neutered as long as we kept them in away from other cats.

I only found this out after we sat watching the boy kitten spend the evening chasing his sister around so he could attempt to climb on top of her - and he said "he looks likes he's trying it on, I wonder why he's doing that" and I said exactly why and which is why he's going to the vets for the snip as soon as he weighs enough and he looked all Shock and said but that's his sister Hmm

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 27/10/2018 22:53

This is outing. Not DH but my lovely Mum. She didn't realise Stevie Wonder was blind. She thought he wore glasses as a trademark of his!

HildaZelda · 27/10/2018 23:47

Not DH, but a former work colleague who tried (and usually failed) to be posh. Arrived into work one morning to be told that she'd stayed at her sisters the night before and had a lovely salad with
a-VOKKA-doz.
Yes, I'm sure your avocado salad was very nice.

deadgirlinbed4 · 28/10/2018 01:02

my Welsh granny had a glory hole

my granny did- she's Scottish

ALL grans have a glory holes, else they wouldn't be grans (or mums before that)

deadgirlinbed4 · 28/10/2018 01:04

Hilda My sister was with a friend and they were making lunch together- she asked him to buy some avocadoes. He returned saying proudly "I've got them" and held up ....some aubergines. Aubergines.

Powerless · 28/10/2018 02:57

My ex (and rather worryingly, father of my child) thought that 'Hamburgers' were made of actual Ham! I had ordered a cheeseburger from McDs and he proceeded to recite a conversation he had had with his highly intelligent father about how they'd both like to try "one of them Hamburgers" and wondered if they'd taste the same as the beef ones 

DoctorTwo · 28/10/2018 03:23

The Glory Hole was a furniture shop in Ketley. Until a couple of years ago I was unaware of the connection with sex. Then again, I am old...

RedPandaMama · 28/10/2018 03:25

My DP is irritatingly intelligent and knows bloody everything so I'm actually the one who says and thinks stupid things.

One of my personal highlights of stupidity is until about 3 years ago, I thought that the way fax machines worked was that the piece of paper got sucked into the machine, rolled up really tight, then sent down through the phone line (who know phone lines weren't hollow?! Grin) to their destination, then unrolled and flattened at the other end!
To be fair I was born in the mid-late nineties so have never actually seen or used a fax machine. That's my defense and I'm sticking to it!

DoctorTwo · 28/10/2018 03:30

While I'm here, a friend of mine used the phrase wide on instead of fanny gallops.

penisbeakers · 28/10/2018 03:46

Ohgod please please put this in classics.

MarcieBluebell · 28/10/2018 04:13

My sister says 'prostrate trouble' and doesn't realise that it's 'prostate' and of course asked me if women suffered from it.

God I remember asking my very old and prude dad this when I was young.

Also asked him what sodomy was when I was reading an essay about the Miller's Tale at school. Cue his awkward face.

Friolero · 28/10/2018 05:09

Years ago I was on holiday with my then boyfriend. He'd been swimming in the sea and when he got out he said his eyes were stinging from all the chlorine.

rainbowquack · 28/10/2018 07:24

My bil was worrying about getting a vasectomy because 'how
would I know when to stop having sex?'

DH didn't know that hazelnuts and walnuts grew on trees until I physically showed him.

rainbowquack · 28/10/2018 07:25

I thought that an oxymoron was an idiot who didn't deserve the air that they breathed until my mid thirties.

rainbowquack · 28/10/2018 07:36

@DoctorTwo we always say wide on where I come from, I had only ever heard fanny gallops on MN. But love it.

penisbeakers · 28/10/2018 07:47

@rainbowquack help I can't breathe 😹😹😹😹😹 (oh the irony!)

TroysMammy · 28/10/2018 08:03

My parents recently had the bathroom redone and re-tiled. My Dad (79) was showing it to his friend and told him that the tiles had been painted after they had been put on. My DM thinks his mind is going but reading the above I don't think it is.

SlatternIsTrying · 28/10/2018 08:26

My Belfast Granny had a glory hole.

Now I come to think of it, so does my Mum. I hope she didn’t call it that when the man came to service the alarm.

HildaZelda · 28/10/2018 09:27

@deadgirlinbed4 Grin

Bouledeneige · 28/10/2018 09:30

I've always heard glory hole as a cupboard or box room full of junk. My grannies and mum would have said it - none welsh or Scottish. I personally think that's the original meaning...

My granny said that Mrs Patterson only had daughters because she had only one ovary - the one that makes girls. My sister was spitting with frustration at this misinformation but she was adamant.

My daughter used to sing 'tried to make me go to prefab and I said no, no, no'

My friend went to Australia at 21 and write me a postcard very excitedly telling me they had Christmas in the summer there. She genuinely didn't know before.

My boss many years ago asked me to fax a client an envelope as he had asked about the quality of the paper. I offered to fax him a sandwich too.

Davon · 30/10/2018 16:11

These are brilliant

For years my DP thought "miffed" meant confused. He got into a whole HR thing at work because of it; someone did some work for him; he told them he was miffed about it and asked for a meeting to clear things up; they got panicked because DP was their boss and asked an HR and union representative to be there at the meeting; DP was very confused when he rocked up for an informal chat over coffee to be met with HR and unions. He was massively apologetic and really embarrassed when it transpired it'd all stemmed from him not knowing what the word "miffed" meant Grin

haverhill · 30/10/2018 16:23

This thread is utter magic.

I recently did a pub quiz that had a visual round where we had to work out a phrase from pictures. One picture was the Netflix logo and a fridge. Our team were all old and terminally uncool, so we answered Film and Fridge amidst pitying titters from the younger folk.

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/10/2018 16:53

haverhill. Well hands up to being old and terminally uncool as I haven’t a clue what it would mean. Can you please enlighten me?

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 30/10/2018 17:11

My BF thinks before he speaks so I'm usually the one coming out with weird and wonderful thoughts as I don't have an inner monologue but an outer one Grin it does amuse me to watch his expressions though when I say weird things such as 'that's a twinkly sound' which got a laugh like many others while other antics get a blinky face, impassive fixed staring or closed eyes and a sigh. All of which I find completely hysterical and causes me to do it more often than not because I'm a delight Grin

haverhill · 30/10/2018 17:26

“Netflix and chill” Alexa.
Yes, it’s a thing.

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