Leaving 5yo at home

[shadowsoutside]

I know this has been done to death but I really don't know what to do.

Friend lives nearby. Single mum to 5yo girl. When DD is asleep, she will pop to the local shop and has on occasion driven to local supermarket. She will be out for 10-30 minutes. DD doesn't wake up.

She tells me she is doing it. I can just see her house from mine. She expects me to watch the house. If I say no, she goes anyway.

She says DD is fine, never wakes etc etc.

But I'm feeling increasingly uneasy about this. But likewise, I don't want to cause issues with SS.

I just don't think it's right. I've never done it with mine. But I don't know what to do about it. Or if I'm making a big deal about nothing and it's up to her what she does.

So she’s asking you to stay at your window and watch the outside of her house?

What good does she think that’s going to be if her DD wakes and gets distressed, or gets into mischief inside the house?

Can you offer to go over and wait at hers?

What a terrible parent she is. What happens if her dd wakes up and has no idea where her dm is?

Give her a bollocking and tell her to cop the fuck on. Is she really that thick she genuinely thinks it's ok or just dosent give a toss?

5 years old?! That’s ridiculously irresponsible.

I think if you’re not prepared to go to SS with this you need to properly talk to her. Spell it out, and tell her why it’s a major issue- maybe she’s so naive she hasn’t thought of the possible consequences.

You do need to speak up for that little child though.

No, just no.

I was flapping tonight about leaving my 12 yo for half an hour while I went for a smear! I do leave him early mornings while I dog walk or during the day, but dark evenings was a new one, he was of course cool as a cucumber.

Personally I wouldn’t leave a 5 yo in any circumstances w/o an adult.

That is not right. There's nothing to stop your neighbour going to the shops with her child at a different time - or having groceries delivered.

Please tell her what she is doing is wrong. I'm glad there hasn't been any trouble so far but 5 year olds are fairly unpredictable, anything could wake the child, a strange noise from outside for example. So she must not take chances.

I do sympathise if she is a single parent, life isn't easy but she has to get everything more organised for the sake of her child - and for herself. She could get into trouble if the authorities found out and I'm sure she wouldn't want that.

Two words Madeline McCann

Well I'm glad you all agree with me. I've been feeling like a right bitch. If I tell her she's out of order it just causes a massive argument.

I've got a young DC too so can't go to her house. So yes it is just peering through my window, which means nothing and I don't like it.

I'm worried SS will blow it up out of all proportion (as in remove the child, not that I don't think it's a bad thing). I don't know what to do.

There was a school mom who was doing this with her 2 yo to come to school pick up and SS was called on her. How bad would you feel if something happened to the dd and you knew she was being left alone.

SS will not remover her child but they will give her a stern warning.

Bloody hell pixie. That made me cry. I mean you're right, not having a go.

Of course you need to contact Social Services. It's absolute lunacy to leave such a young child alone- asleep or otherwise.

She genuinely thinks it's ok. She thinks I'm being ridiculous. It's just a few minutes. She loves DD very much, says she never wakes in the night.

Today was 15 mins just now and last night was 10 mins a bit earlier. Before that it was Sunday.

Why does anyone need to go to the supermarket on a near nightly basis? I would think she's up to something else personally

It's awful parenting 

No this is just the local shop...can of pop, bar of chocolate, milk etc. She's only done the supermarkets rarely. Just when she "needs" something. But it's getting more often.

What if the child was sick? What if there was a fire? What if someone knocked on the door and woke her up and she was scared?
What if the mum had an accident, got run over or fell and hit her head and was unconscious for example?
It sounds far fetched and unlikely but it COULD happen. She could be gone hours before anyone realised that her small child was home alone.
Tell her in a nice but firm way that she needs to stop leaving her small child alone or else you will reluctantly have to report her to SS in the best interest of her child.

I’d call the police each and every time tbh, she’s a fucking selfish idiot and putting her child at risk

I know. I've said all those things to her. I even mentioned SS and she calmed down for a bit but it's getting more again now. But when I did mention it she went absolutely mental at me, saying I was spiteful, bitch, manipulative etc. If I did, then she would know it was me.

I did consider the police but she's probably back before they make it here.

I will and would leave mine to pop literally across the road when I knew they wouldn't wake up for a few minutes

But my building is completely secure

And I do mean pop over the road

I would never drive or be anywhere I couldn't run back within 30 seconds to them

I often take a phone leaving another on so I can hear and do run if I hear rustling. Im there in 30 seconds

I would also never make anyone else responsible for my choice to do this

Or do this if my DC had a different personality. I know many other kids same age who I would NEVER leave alone for any time.

I think the bits that actually make her shitty is that she's making you responsible and not near enough if her DD did wake up... what if she had an accident driving home?

But your post is making me wonder what people may think of me

This happened with a friend of mine. Child was asleep, she needed milk, off she went. I don't live anywhere near, she was just telling me in conversation that it's what she does. Child was also 5.

I never thought anything further of it, although I didn't agree it was no business of mine. But move forward a year and she's doing it when the child is watching Tv, on their xbox etc. Shop is literally 12 doors down. However, the child was apparently learning about dangers in the home at school, and it was mentioned that you should always ask a parent to do x/y/z. My friends child asks "what if your mummy is at the shop". In come social services. Whilst they didn't take any action, they did visit the home and was given some parental advice which will (presumably) stop on their file.

So whilst not an issue now as the child is asleep, what if they wake up? And remember, children talk. Especially at school. She could land herself in very hot water.

Well you sound like you put more things in place to show you care!

Grrr I'm so annoyed to be in this position.