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Original poster

Leaving 5yo at home

87 replies

shadowsoutside · 25/10/2018 21:20

I know this has been done to death but I really don't know what to do.

Friend lives nearby. Single mum to 5yo girl. When DD is asleep, she will pop to the local shop and has on occasion driven to local supermarket. She will be out for 10-30 minutes. DD doesn't wake up.

She tells me she is doing it. I can just see her house from mine. She expects me to watch the house. If I say no, she goes anyway.

She says DD is fine, never wakes etc etc.

But I'm feeling increasingly uneasy about this. But likewise, I don't want to cause issues with SS.

I just don't think it's right. I've never done it with mine. But I don't know what to do about it. Or if I'm making a big deal about nothing and it's up to her what she does.

OP posts:
Cryingwithlaughter · 26/10/2018 12:59

Definitely report. At 5, is the child in school? If so why couldn’t she go through the day if not wanting to take the child with her? Even if working, lunch break? Grab what’s needed for the evening. Sounds really odd. You would never forgive yourself OP if anything happened to the child while alone in the house if you don’t report

SparklyMagpie · 26/10/2018 12:59

I couldn't give a shit about the friendship or would have any problems ringing SS over this

If anything happened to that child i'd never be able to live with the guilt.

Cheeky cow, I would certainly not have any one in my life who found any of that acceptable

SparklyMagpie · 26/10/2018 13:02

To know a mother would do this all for the sake of a can of pop and a chocolate bar, no nor buying that
If she does this on such a regular basis and there's no reason she couldn't do this at any other time...she's up to something

Can't believe some people

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Ihaventgottimeforthis · 26/10/2018 13:45

If it was simply popping to the shops there is no reason that you wouldn't do it when your child was awake, and take her with you.
If she is doing something that she can't have a child with her, then I would be suspicious.
My kids wake up unpredictably - even if it's just a nightmare, the thought of them waking up upset to an empty house is enough to ensure I would never leave.
If she wouldn't do it whilst the child is awake, why would she do it when they're asleep?
Tell her, next time you do it I will ring SS. It's her choice as to how important whatever she is doing, is.
As a pp poster said, I think it could well be drugs.

SPR1107 · 26/10/2018 17:05

I asked my mum (SW) the morning question, she said unless they find some underlying issues they wouldn't take her child, they would give her a stern warning though. She said it isn't only about the more obvious dangers of a 5 year old alone in the house. It's the what if the mother had a crash, got knocked over, a road was closed, 1001 other scenarios that can delay or stop you returning.
It's a horrible position but I think the mum needs to realise how wrong it is

ApolloandDaphne · 26/10/2018 17:18

I am a SW. This would go to the contact centre in this LA then they would do checks with the school etc. They might then send the parent a letter or they might allocate it to an area team to do a house visit. Unless they found something awful during the visits it would be more about a warning rather than any action.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 26/10/2018 17:27

I don't understand why she can't just take DD with her?

shadowoutside · 26/10/2018 18:18

I do believe her that she's just getting drinks or whatever. I am very close to her.

Thanks for all the social work response. I might give them a call. I think I could be less specific so it's not clearly me.

I feel crap about either option.

mama17 · 26/10/2018 18:34

That's awful. What if the poor child wakes to find her mummy has gone. I would be reporting it if I was u. How irresponsible of her

wewillrememberthem · 26/10/2018 18:43

Please report her. Once social services know they have a duty to investigate and they could talk to school, GP etc to see if there are other concerns. Often it's an isolated incident but if not and mum is already flagged up somewhere, then a picture can be built around the child based on other knowledge agencies have.

shadowoutside · 26/10/2018 23:42

I know there are other concerns and SS are already involved. I do far too much to keep it all working for her. DD wouldn't be in school some days if it wasn't for me.

Mrskeats · 26/10/2018 23:46

What other concerns?

shadowoutside · 27/10/2018 00:01

Just generally not coping.

shadowoutside · 27/10/2018 00:09

Would you still say something, knowing it's more likely to have repercussions?

moredoll · 27/10/2018 02:01

Text her the link to the NSPCC advice on Home Alone posted upthread.
Tell her you're becoming increasingly anxious about her leaving her daughter and could she please make an effort to make sure she has enough milk/chocolate/whatever in the house so she doesn't have to go out.
And if she does it again then I think you have to phone the NSPCC or social services. You wouldn't be able to see from outside if a fire started inside.

penisbeakers · 27/10/2018 03:01

Stop enabling this and tell her you won't be watching her child, and if she abandons them when you say no, you'll call social services. Her behaviour is disgusting.

penisbeakers · 27/10/2018 03:03

Additionally, it doesn't matter if she gets back before someone comes to deal with it (regarding calling the police), if you tell them she does it regularly then they have to listen.

mama1DC · 27/10/2018 03:36

WOW! Some women are just stupid, I don't even visit my friend 5 doors down if my child is in bed! And we live in a cul-de-sac. You have to walk past her window to get to my house!! I can just about push my self to stand on the front with the baby monitor. What happens if she gets up to get a drink and falls down the stairs hits her head ?

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 04:05

She doesn't sound like a great person to have as a close friend at all, the way she treats you and a disgusting way to talk to someone who's a close friend. Maybe you think she is but I think she thinks differently of you to treat you this way.

The problem is that she's not bothered. Alright she's only gone a short while, but if you are out side the house you are out of earshot. What if her DS wandered down the stairs and straight out the door under a car looking for his mummy? You couldn't get across the street in time, and that would mean leaving yours. If she gets shitty with you get bloody shitty back, or what sort of friendship is this that you have to listen to her talk to you like that. You are doing all sorts to help her and this is the shit you get for being worried and unhappy about being bullied into this position that you hate.
She's a bully and she'll bully her DS too, if she can do this to you.
I would report her. What are you worried she will do? This is bullying and she needs telling to bloody well step up, and is does sound very likely drug dealing. Your alternative is to keep a stock of a few cans of whatever it is, and a selection of choc bars or whatever and Chuck them over the road to at her

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 04:11

What if she locks her keys in car by mistake, or loses them down a drain
What if DS has a bad dream/wets the bed on his own crying, its bloody neglect, what's the matter with her radar that she can go so far from him so young. Her can of drink or choc bar so important.

Alone crying in the house for 10 mins is aa very long time to be alone crying in empty house, poor little lad. She really need metaphorical hard shake

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 27/10/2018 04:22

Somethings going on here, I'm not sure she's going to the shop might be drugs.
No normal person leaves their child to drive to a supermarket for a can of coke or a chocolate bar nearly every night. And she's very abusive if you say something and goes anyway...

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 04:32

That will catch her out though lazy won't it? She will have no excuse,friend has offered reason for trip to now be unnecessary, according to friends lies
She can't say fairer than that, or just tell friend 'non' buy your snacks before your DS goes to bed, take him with you.
If she's doing a drug drop-off she needs reporting to police

Jent13c · 27/10/2018 04:57

One time I nipped to the shop five minutes away with my son and stupidly left my phone. I went over a huge hidden pothole, burst my tyre and cracked my wheel. I then discovered that the spare wheel (purchased from a very well known car showroom) was a landrover wheel in a Hyundai and had been welded in and the mechanism for release broken off. Arrived home 3 hours later after having the car towed. My husband was completely freaking out as I was only supposed to be going for milk!
I think i would be letting her know very clearly that you do not agree with what she is doing and will not be an accomplice in it any more. This may mean you lose this friend but would you miss a friend who forces you to be part of her poor parenting. She may say to social services that her friend watches through the window the whole time and that may have repercussions for you and how they judge your parenting.

Yonijust · 27/10/2018 05:12

Theres plenty of time in the day to get things.

Shriekingbanshee · 27/10/2018 19:36

So whats the plan for tonight OP?

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