Leaving 5yo at home

[shadowsoutside]

I know this has been done to death but I really don't know what to do.

Friend lives nearby. Single mum to 5yo girl. When DD is asleep, she will pop to the local shop and has on occasion driven to local supermarket. She will be out for 10-30 minutes. DD doesn't wake up.

She tells me she is doing it. I can just see her house from mine. She expects me to watch the house. If I say no, she goes anyway.

She says DD is fine, never wakes etc etc.

But I'm feeling increasingly uneasy about this. But likewise, I don't want to cause issues with SS.

I just don't think it's right. I've never done it with mine. But I don't know what to do about it. Or if I'm making a big deal about nothing and it's up to her what she does.

My mum is a social worker, (obviously this is all confidential so don't worry), but I'm seeing her tomorrow. I could ask her generically what the process would be? Also, if you rang anonymously, you could say that you are a neighbour, that believes she is a single mum, yet you see the car leaving regularly... if you don't mention shops, or that you can only just see her house, or the child's age, or anything that could differentiate you from, say the person who lives next door.
You've been put in a difficult position, but not only for the sake of the little girl (which is, of course priority), but it would eat you up inside should anything ever happen one day

That would be helpful thank you.

I'm getting really stressed about it as the days go on.

That's a good point about seeming to know less details. I didn't think of that. I just thought she would know it was me.

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/

Based on the advice there, I will likely stop myself, it's always been fine. I suspect it always would be fine.

But thanks...

Can't you tell her to ask you to pop round instead of leaving child on her own. I think this is really awful how could any parent do that imagine if she had a nightmare or something

@shadowsoutside SS will not blow it out of proportion, they will treat it how it needs to be treating the last thing they ever want to have to do is remove a child from the mum so you seriously need to tell them and they take the correct steps. I cannot believe how stupid this women is, what if she decides to start going out more or for longer it's incredibly stupid she needs SS involved ASAP.

sometimes i think i must be living on another planet.

I can't pop round because I have a young DD too. But even if I could, I shouldn't feel like I have to otherwise her DS would be alone. That's not fair either.

On occasions I've said no to watching, because I don't agree or just because I've been in the bath or something; she says I'm selfish and controlling whether she can go out but says she can do what she likes and goes anyway!

Sorry only just saw your previous post,
I wouldn't care if she knew it was me I would honestly ring the police every time she does it and ring social services and explain everything. That's the right thing to do. I have a 5 year old and wouldn't dream of doing this it's actually making me sad

There's other things you're saying that make me question this woman's parenting tbh than the popping out

However I don't think in your position I would call SS yet

They have a rediculously high bar of when they will intervene and a social worker calling for a chat takes time out from much higher needs in their day

I would text her the NSPCC link though and refuse to be responsible if she asked after that

And she wouldn't change her behaviour after one chat...but who would know?

What other things, giraffe?

This kind of situation was how Madeleine McCann went missing. I would never forgive myself if something happened to the child and I could have done something to stop it

Well that's why I watch...but really what does that achieve?

@shadowsoutside telling you you're manipulative, spiteful, a bitch and controlling because you raise concerns for a start

If anyone I know said to me look I've noticed you do this and it makes me feel uncomfortable tbh - my response would be possibly feeling embarrassed but still "okay, thanks I'll take that on board and have a think" because they're actually caring about my kid!

Robo they are the kind of things I think about. I'm definitely a worst scenario kind of person, whereas she is very happy go lucky and "it's two minutes she'll be fine!"

She doesn't sound like someone who you want to be friends with anyway so I wouldn't worry about upsetting her or getting her into trouble.
If she asks again, say no it is not your responsibility to look after her child, it is dangerous leaving the child and you will report her to SS if she continues. Then ignore her and find nicer, more responsible friends.

Why the hell cant she just wait til she's awake and tKe her too ffs!!
Totally wrong and dangerous, I wouldn't do that with my 6 year old even if his sister 10 was there too, foolish lady

Local shop a few metres down the road, yes. DRIVING to a shop takes it to a whole other level! So many more things that could go wrong-her car could break down, she could be in an accident, traffic jam, witness an accident and have to wait to talk to police/ambulance...it's just not sensible

I seem to remember a thread where mum was leaving newborn in cot while she did the school run. She said it was common in her country and had not been in the uk very long. She was horrified by SS involvement. They didn't take the baby.

Any consequence of calling SS is not yours to own, but the mother to admit to and understand her failings.

Popping to the corner shop which is 5 mins max if is one thing but to get in her car and drive to a supermarket is completely unacceptable !!

It sound like this is happening a lot - you’ve mentioned 3 times in the last week?

That’s not an occasional emergency dash to the shops for something that really can’t wait till tomorrow.

That’s something that’s turning into a habit. And something that’s surely avoidable with a bit of prior planning or self-restraint if it’s genuinely just things like cans of pop or bars of chocolate.

I’m sure the chances of something going badly wrong are small but it really doesn’t seem worth the risk.

Has to go out, gets angry if you say no... sounds like drug dealing to me.

SS.

You need to report this. Even though she won’t be happy about it. Worse case scenario if you don’t report it could result in this file being horrificly hurt or killed.

There was a news story recently that made me cry. Artist talking about being left home with his toddler brother aged 5. They played with matches and set the house alight. His brother died (he was urged to jump out of the window by a neighbour and so survived). Makes me shudder just thinking of it. DH and I turned to each other and said ‘can you imagine how their mother felt?’.