How often do you get a child free night?

[bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox]

My DH and I have one DC, a 2yo. If you are or have been in roughly the same boat, how often do/did they stay out overnight so you could have a night off to go out as a couple etc? Just trying to settle a dispute with my DH...

I know there are a lot of different variables, but for info, our DD is at one set of DGPs for two working days as childcare, and at the other set of DGPs for 5/6 hours another day already.

I was going to say never, but actually we've had a couple of nights where they've both been away at a church youth group, although they've fallen in nights when one of us has had to work, so I don't think we did anything exciting. Eldest is 12.

Until the eldest was able to stay home with the younger ones, as a teenager, we got zero nights out. No family nearby, one with SEN and no money for sitters. Them's the breaks. Men who think they're entitled to nights out as some sort of right are usually dicks.

I think my parents have had my 19mo about 6 times since he's been born. They have offered to have him more but my mum has him 2 days a week while we work and occasionally if I need it so can't expect too much more of them. I'm actually expecting #2 so no idea what will happen next year :)

DPs parents live nearly 2 hrs away. I know when DS is older, they'll happily have him but when he's more self sufficient :)

We have 1 DS 20mo. He probably stays a night at my mum’s every couple of weeks? I would really prefer not, but my mum loves having him stay over and as she looks after him twice a week whilst I work it feels awful to say that she can only have him when it suits me. She wants to move to one night a week and I just can’t seem to talk myself into that, even though I know they’d both have a lovely time.

Entirely child free, one night a year. Elder two sometimes stay with grandparents 2 or 3 times a year and youngest DS stays with us. None of them can cope with his ASD  (he's the best behaved out of all three most of the time!)

Personally my daughter goes to her dads house every Sunday and he has her over night and takes her to school Monday so I have her Monday- Saturday one week then the following week I have her Monday-Friday because her nana (fathers mum) wants to see her every other Saturday. (Me and my daughters dad isn't together so bit different)

My oh's brother has a 2yo and my mil has her once every other week and then my partners sister in laws parents have her one night every other week so they have a night off once a week so they have them time, go for a meal or stay in etc. (These to are together)

for those who haven't had a night off in 11 years etc, this sounds quite unbearable... is it?

We aren't in the same boat i.e. no gp available. We went out overnight last year for the first time in a decade...

for those who haven't had a night off in 11 years etc, this sounds quite unbearable... is it?

Nope. You just crack on. It's not forever. Children grow up.

My DCs are both teens now. Since the first one was born 16 years ago we have had two overnights c/o sister/ friend and 1 week when they were both on a school trip together.

All our GPs are too far away/ dead.

@evenprimrose not really. Before dc we didn't really go away for a night that much anyway. Dc have sn and we struggle to find someone to take any of them for even a couple of hours. Before they were at school/preschool it was incredibly hard work but now they are older it's a lot more manageable. I can go out for lunch with dh occasionally and I can leave the house without taking an assortment of children, wheelchairs, reins and a weekend away sized bag of all the stuff they need.

even kids go to bed before adults, it's hardly unbearable sitting on the sofa having a glass of wine and watching a film with your spouse while the kids sleep. Anyone who finds that unbearable has a low bearability threshold

We had our dcs in our 30s, having lived it up in London as dinkies as they used to be called (Dual Income No Kids) in our 20s. Quite happy to have comfortable nights in with a bottle of wine and a film these days!

It's very much not unbearable! Like a pp, we had our kids late and are now in our 40s with an 11 and 4 year old. Very happy to be in with a film at night!

for those who haven't had a night off in 11 years etc, this sounds quite unbearable... is it?

No. But it’s embarrassing or upsetting when you can’t go to a good friends wedding or a relatives funeral because you have no child care. Or have everyone in your work think you are stuck up because you never go on nights out.

People who have regular babysitters on tap sometimes seem quite unable to understand that it everyone is as fortunate. As a PP said, it’s like someone who is rich asking poor people if their life is unbearable because they don’t have money ,

Usually people think you are just not making the effort / CBA if you say you can’t come because you have no childcare.

3 kids (11, 8 and 6) and 3 sets of grandparents between me and their dad. Overnights have happened maybe 3 or 4 times where we have been completely kid free. And that's only for important events (always weddings we need to make the effort to go to so no real relaxing and it costs a fortune)

For the kids to go away for a full night just so DH and I could spend some us time? Not a chance. We don't "need" that apparently.

Thanks very much grandparents. I wouldn't mind if the kids were "lively" "spirited" or whatever other words parents use for badly behaved children. Mine are really well behaved. (under threat of my wrath of course 😂)

Twice in 6 years

My ds is 10. He has stayed with his grandparents once. While I was in labour with dd who is nearly 8!

ke1stina for the work nights out the child's othwr parent would usually be with them, especially if parents are together. That's not a grandparent domain surely?

I only go to semi compulsory works social events (team Christmas meal, wider department Christmas meal)... My days of joining in with casual drinking and clubbing after work are behind me and I'm glad - enjoyed it in my 20s, the idea just makes me weary now not sure if that makes me stuck up, or just old either way I have to work nights a couple of nights a month, and obviously DH is with the kids then so no need for grandparent help.

Child free weddings I would happily use no childcare as an excuse to avoid, but thankfully I dont know anyone who had one!

Usually people think you are just not making the effort / CBA if you say you can’t come because you have no childcare.

This! 'Surely everyone has someone who can offer overnight childcare!' 'Surely you can afford or save up for a sitter/nanny/etc!' Um, nope, can't do that and if you have a child with SEN or medical condition it may be impossible.

I have a cousin whose mum and sister take both his children every single weekend. He's a selfish entitled wanker who doesn't realise how lucky he is and is shocked that others can't just drop everything and join him and his wife on nights out.

ke1stina for the work nights out the child's othwr parent would usually be with them, especially if parents are together. That's not a grandparent domain surely?

Guess you'd be fucked if you're a lone parent with a useless ex then surely ?

for those who haven't had a night off in 11 years etc, this sounds quite unbearable... is it?

You kind of just get on with it. Our last childfree night was almost 8 yrs ago (children are 12, 10 and 6) It is what it is.

We don't even get evenings to sit alone as the 10 year old roams around.

You just have to get on with it.

That assumes that children have another parent AND he or she is willing and able to look after the children.

I don’t.

Our work Christmas event is a 24 hour thing - activities, dinner and overnight in a hotel for staff their partners.

Lots of people don’t have completely child free weddings but only invite some children eg neieces and nephews.

I know it can be hard to understand if you have frequent babysitting - I get that it’s a whole new world for some people.

3yo and weekly if the 3 sets of grandparents got their way . They normally ask to have her once a week/fortnightly

don't yes you would. No wider support network would clearly be far, far more of an issue for a lone parent with a useless ex.

The OP isn't in that position because its her dp who thinks they should offload their DC overnight despite grandparents doing regular daytime childcare. Ke1stina might be though, you are right.

Yeah, OP's partner is a bit of an entitled wanker in that case and if he were my son I'd have no problem telling him to go get knotted.