Talk to me about having 2 boys - and no girls

[secretuser]

Disclaimer: I know this is ridiculous and I'm very lucky to be pregnant with a healthy baby, so please no flaming. I just want to deal with these feelings so they don't escalate.

Expecting DC2, already have a DS and they will be less than 2 years apart. If I'm honest I think I wanted a girl first time, but I absolutely adore my DS to bits, he is gorgeous and good natured and so funny to be around.

I was convinced this one was a girl, my pregnancy has been completely different and skull/nub theory suggested girl (I know this is limited in accuracy). Private gender scan at 16+4 showed the baby was very much a boy. I admit I was a little disappointed but having said that I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I'd be because DS is so sweet and another one of him would be lovely!

I think it will be lovely for DS to have a brother so close in age. I wonder whether it's society making us think we must have one of each. Will I get over never having a daughter? This will be my last DC, so there won't be another chance of having a girl.

I wondered if anyone could share their similar stories and how great it will be to have 2 boys close in age?

I have two boys 3 years apart.
They are the absolute lives of my life.

Amazing. They have been absolutely delightful and now they are big teenagers, they are no trouble at all.
They have been funny, affectionate, loving.
They get on well together and are good pals.
We're really close and ds1 in particular tells me a lot about his life/feelings etc

I never wanted girls really...never had that urge and my boys have been an utter blessing.

Loves of my life!!!

@crunchtime that's lovely to hear, your boys sound great.

It's daft, I'm partly putting it down to hormones because DS is just absolutely amazing and when I meet up with friends and their baby girls I don't wish that he was a girl at all.

Hopefully it will also make life easier in terms of planning days out etc because being so close in age and both boys there's a good chance they'll be into the same things.

I have two DSs, now 11 and 12, they are 18 months apart. To start of with, two children so close together is very difficult, whatever the sex. So brace yourself!!

Afterwards, the boys were so lovely as toddlers, really keeping each other company, sharing a bedroom, and they were very good to each other. Best mates. It was fab.

Later on, their little personalities start to show more and it would be so wrong to assume that because they are both of the same sex they will have similar personalities. My two are chalk and cheese, good at different things, enjoying different things. One is sporty, outgoing, chatty, popular, the other is geeky, a loner, enjoys coding and music, and has very few friends. One is academic, the other not so. So it's a bit more difficult to find things that they both like. But I have to say I love my boys so, so much (and I wanted two girls!!!)

I wanted girls. I was really quite put out when I found ds1 was a boy as I couldn’t imagine having a boy.
I now have 2 boys 2.5 yrs apart. They are my utter world. Funny, clever, affectionate, engaging, wonderful.
I love their bond together, it’s so much more than any brother sister bond I’ve seen, they play together, don’t need anyone else, share a room through choice, share toys, ideas, hobbies.
They are fab.
If I could do it all over again they are exactly what I’d pick!

Don't feel bad op, I cried when ds2 was confirmed as a boy. I was delighted to be having another baby but sad for the daughter I'll never have. Also had a massive complex about only ever being the mil, son's a son till he takes a wife and all that shite.

At 11 and 7, they are loving, bright, funny, smother me with hugs and are totally devoted to each other - their relationship is a daily joy.

And I'm working to the theory that if I stay interested and interesting and welcoming, they'll still want to be around me as adults.

Also I love dinosaurs 😉

Oh these are all great, I am so happy to read all these lovely stories and you are all making me feel less guilty.

I do think a lot of my problem is the expectation to have one of each, which is so stupid. I actually wasn't as disappointed as I thought I'd be, but equally I keep googling how accurate 16 week scans are 

I have the same complex about being the MIL because I'm not getting on particularly well with my own MIL since having DS. I think it's quite common that mothers of girls have a stronger relationship with the children of those girls, but that is a long way off and both my boys might not have children anyway. Equally if I had a daughter she might choose not to have children, like my DH's only sister.

I think it's good that I've had the scan early and can start getting excited about another boy. I was so convinced it was a girl that I'd have hated to get carried away and then have to deal with these feelings just after giving birth, which was quite traumatic last time.

From a practical point of view, at least we can reuse DS's things. He has some gorgeous outfits which are barely work so perhaps I'll sort through some of the tiny stuff which is so cute. DS2 won't know everything is hand me downs until he's a bit older so I may as well take advantage of that while I can!

My son hated his baby brother..he said I’m going to wee on him
The following week he said I’m going to poo on him

He was 3 and the baby 9 months at the time

We had almost 11 years of this at one time or another. Usually instigated by the eldest one.
One morning their dad went into the fridge and all the Cadbury flakes for ice creams had been eaten.
He asked the eldest if he’d done it ( he had form for this) and he said no.
He literally dragged his young brother into the bedroom and Said ‘ mam it was him, he did it. ( he never had form for that)
Then we got them both to open their mouths and of course the guilty one was the eldest.
Honestly it was just horrible.
Then on the first day of going up to secondary school for my youngest . The 13 years old said...here let me do your tie, you’re my little brother now.

That was it. They were best buddies after that. Peace reigned.

Hope you’re two give you a smoother ride than we did.
They have an older sister and she just floated above it...thank goodness

I have two boys 18 months apart and also wanted a girl second time round. I remember feeling a little disappointed and it didn’t help that everyone else went on and on about how “I must be upset not to have a girl.”

Anyway I decided to focus on having a healthy baby and the excitement of my existing son having a little brother. As soon as he was born I adored him and the relationship my two have is amazing, they are so close and into the same things (obviously this may change as they get older).

I love having two boys, it’s great fun. The hard work is having them close in age, not the fact they are boys. Again I get a lot of comments about boys being harder, too boisterous etc etc. It’s really annoying actually! People also assume we want a girl which frustrates me as I genuinely don’t feel that way now. We are considering trying for a third but not to have a girl but to have another member of our family. If we do decide to go for it then I won’t be finding out the sex as it drove me potty last time with everyone’s comments. People can be so weird about having one of each!

On a practical note they have been able to share toys and clothes which has saved a small fortune.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

It is ok to feel sorry that you never had a dd, but that is separate really from your soon-to-be ds. I have two boys and I can’t say I never wish I had a daughter - but that would need to be in addition to my two as no way would I ever not want two boys. They are such different little characters, I’m sure if one was a girl I’d put the differences down to sex but that isn’t it. You will have a lovely time. As for being the mil I’m hoping years on here will help me avoid some of the bad stuff, but you never can tell.

I have 2 ds 21 Months apart.

Always wanted boys. They are so loving and funny. Not going to lie it's hard work they fight and argue but that is the same of any siblings (I think)

They are 5 and 3 1/2.

For the record they are always paying me compliments like beautiful dress mummy or you look so pretty. My fave was when I got my hair done they were like you look like a princess.

Honest op you will be fine x

I've got 2 DS's 4 &2. They are fab (it definitely helps to love dinosaurs too )

They are best friends already and show a lot of affection to each other. They do also squabble a bit but nothing major. They have completely different personalities but bring me and DH so much joy!

That said, they won't be our only DC but I can honestly say I'm happy if the next one is another boy!

I have 2 boys. DS1 is 4 (5 in Jan) and DS2 is 1 on Sunday.

They love each other to pieces. DS1 is the best big brother on the planet and takes his role very seriously. Although DS2 does wind him up something rotten sometimes and he'll have a little strop it's over in minutes.

I always get the 'oh you need a girl' comments. My response is just 'im perfectly happy with my boys'. I don't think I would know what to do with a girl 😂

I'm pregnant with no 1 and don't know the sex - but I have 2 brothers, now 33 and 27 and they are such good mates it's amazing to see. They even went into the same profession. The younger one was the older one's best man and gave the best, most affectionate and funniest best man's speech I've ever heard.

You are absolutely ok to have a wobble about your second baby being a boy - particularly if you're only planning two.

I have two DS and I felt whether our second baby was a boy or girl I was on to a winner because they'd either be able to share experience of both being boys, or were have one of each which I guess is the society 'ideal'.

Even still, when a second boy arrived, I adored him immediately, but I have felt sad that I won't get to be a Mum to a girl. It's not about not appreciating my boy, or wishing he was a girl, for me it's about a life experience that I won't have.

That said, I think it's a lot to put on any child if we pigeon hole them by their sex before they're even born. Just because we might imagine long lunches, cost chats and spa days with a girl, theres no guarantee that your DD would want to do that, or that your new DS won't!

FWIW my two get on very well (with the occasional daily spat) and miss each other terribly when apart. I wouldnt change a thing.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

It’s tough at first OP I think because you as babies the only thing you have to focus on is their sex.

But they are individuals as you know and it’ll be great, promise.

One of my friends has four boys. I think it was chaotic for a while when they were under ten but they are now aged between 18 and 12 and they are tall, handsome, hilarious and just lovely, lovely boys. Very different though. One is a science geek, one an eco warrior, one Mr Sporty and one shy gentle musician.

I wonder who yours will be

I think a lot of it really is down to public perception. So many people think having one of each is perfection and it can be hard not to live up to that, or feel like you are lacking. I have friends with one of each and everyone acts like they have hit the jack pot. My friend had her 3rd boy and someone said to her “you must be fucking gutted!!”. What the hell??
Congrats on your pregnancy OP, and on never having to deal with teenage girls!!

I have just had my 4th boy!
We try to be fairly gender neutral but still haven't more wrestling, running about and Lego than the all girl families I know, but they are also all mummy's boys ( for now at least) and pile on for cuddles. My mum had 2 of each and always said she felt that having a daughter was like having a cat, while boys are more like puppies. Certainly true for us. That said, people also forget that all boys are so different - 2 of mine love sport, one loves crafts and at 5 he wants to be a hairdresser not a firefighter! Logistically you can also benefit - reusing clothes when little, same schools if they are single sex when older, more likely to share interests, and easier to share rooms as teenagers if needed.

Like @teawamutu I gave grieved a little for the girl I'll never have, especially as I'm so close to my own mum. It's ok, and ignore the inevitable poster or two who come along to say you should be happy to have conceived at all. Of course we are - but if good luck means you're never allowed to moan, as anyone living in the UK in the 21st century is probably doing ok, on a global and historical scale 😐. But i haven't grieved much, as the daughter I imagined might never have existed anyway, and in the meantime I pore over the 'good MIL' posts for tips!

I have two, one is 5.5 and the other is 3 in a couple of weeks. They fight like mad sometimes but get on most of the time although the oldest didn't like the youngest when he was born, wouldn't go near him for months. But he wouldn't be without him now  just expect to hear 'poo, bum, willy, wee and poo' a lot 

I have 5 boys.The 2 eldest didnt really get on.Completely different but now they are adults.They really look out for each other.

My other 3 are 19,8 and 7 and they are getting there.So its ok to have a wobble,but just be happy about your 2nd boy.

19,8 and 7

That should be 10,8 and 7.Stupid fat fingers

I've two boys, 4 years apart, they fight the bit out but absolutely adore each other.
Last week I walked in to the bathroom and my younger son was trying to style his hair in a trendy sideshade, my eldest boy took the comb and said 'no not like that, like this' and sorted it for his little brother.
A very small act but it made my heart sing..... they are a constant source of joy.

I've got 2 boys and I love it. I LOVE it. I worry I'll be ditched in the future when they get married but I'm planning to be the coolest MIL and just make everyone adore me. Somehow.

Another with 4 boys, think by no3 I knew I was going to be a mummy of boys then when ds3 was 6 months I was pregnant by accident with my youngest so 14 months age gap between them. I adore my boys, and at one point I possibly wanted a girl but happy with my lot I guess never wanted one of each or anything and sometimes a quieter home would be bliss but when they’re not here it’s odd. Youngest 2 fight but are close too, 7&8 now.

Congrats on your boy and enjoy you’ll have lots of fun and love to come, all my boys are cuddly and loving (eldest is 17 I still get hugs etc)

I was gutted when I was told ds2 was going to be a boy. I wanted a girl because I wanted to have the same relationship I have with my mum with a daughter. I absolutely adore both my son's and wouldnt change them for the world obviously and really only wanted a girl for that reason. I still feel like I will miss out when they are grown up.